Toxic Relationships - Dangers of Leaving 3 - Toxic People

Do you believe you are in a relationship that is toxic to your well being? Have you been trying to find a way to get out of a potentially dangerous relationship? Leaving a toxic partner can be dangerous if you are not taking the right precaution, so before you decide on an escape plan take these tips into consideration. They can potentially save your life depending on which type of toxin you are dealing with.

Types of Toxic People

1. Emotional Toxin:

This person is not physical, but he will play games to get you back after you've made it perfectly clear you are no longer interested in a relationship with him. He will keep calling you to come pick up some of your stuff, or to let him pick up their stuff from your place. These are all desperate attempts of getting you alone to try, and manipulate you into getting back with him.

When I said before that he will use any means necessary to get you back, I meant it. You will see him cry, sob, scream, and any of emotionally pathetic display he can come up with. This is only an excuse to get you alone, and manipulate you into feeling bad for leaving him, resulting in reconciliation. In this case you are going to need to get a restraining order to protect you from any harassment that will follow your breakup.

2. Physical Toxin:

When breaking up with this toxic partner, he threaten to beat you, or destroy your possessions, until you cave into staying with him. He can vandalize your home, or your car. I once heard of a time where my friend's boyfriend throw her things out of the car window while driving down the street, in hopes it would make my friend see it his way.

Any physical force will be used in this situation for him to convince you that it's a better idea for you to stay with him. Don't fall for it! Get legal help! Obtain a restraining order or whatever else is possible to get for your own safety.

3. Mentally Ill Toxin:

This toxic person will do all of what the other toxins do, and then some. He will threaten you with your life, threaten your family, your friends, or your new lover. He can do creepy and dirty things in attempts to get you to cave in to them, like taking provocative photos of you and your family in secret, then using them to blackmailing you into going out with him again. He'll also fake illnesses, or even a near death experience to connect with you emotionally. Mentally ill toxins will stalk you, show up at random times of the night, call you at home, and at work every 5 minutes.

This toxin is extremely hazardous to your health and well being. Be aware of your surroundings and the surroundings of your children and family. Get legal and lawful help immediately!

If you need to solve a relationship problem, or just want to get relationship advice and tips, be sure to sign up for the free e-newsletter at http://www.abetterwaytolove.com.

Mental Health Information You Might Not Know

Public attitudes towards mental health problems are still a long way from ideal and that is despite the large amount of information that is now available and the attempts by both government and charitable organisations to educate the public and to eradicate the stigma that still surrounds mental health in general.

The facts are that someone you know right now is suffering from depression or some kind of anxiety related disorder and because of a general lack of understanding in society they may be reluctant to speak about it or to seek help and this can seriously delay recovery times and may even result in more tragic consequences such as suicide.

What we need to be aware of is that someone who is suffering from depression or panic attacks, or phobias or an anxiety related disorder, is not able to control it, they are not being difficult or indulgent or weak, and they cannot just get a grip or pick themselves up and get on with it. What they need is treatment, support and understanding and if they get it, they have every chance of making a full and complete recovery.

It's important to remember that mental health problems can affect any one of us at any time. So how do you recognise if what you are experiencing is normal or if it is something more serious that may require treatment?

Recognising a mental health problem

All of us experience changes in our moods and go through periods where we feel fed up, disillusioned and down in the dumps. It is also normal to feel stressed at times, to feel anxious and fearful or to get emotional or angry. This is a part of life and things usually get back to normal after a short period of time.

However, when the symptoms are prolonged or particularly severe and are starting to hinder your ability to get on with normal daily routines, or are affecting your work or relationships or social life, then it could be that you need help.

The following is a list of symptoms that could indicate some kind of mental health problem however just because you are experiencing some of these symptoms it doesn't necessarily mean there is anything wrong.

Persistent sadness and low moods Disruptions to eating and sleeping patterns Hallucinations or delusions Extreme anxiety or agitation Panic attacks and excessive fearfulness Vague aches and pains with no obvious physical cause Feelings of isolation and loneliness Avoidance of social contact Loss of libido Inability to take pleasure in activities you used to enjoy Thoughts of suicide

Only a qualified health professional will be able to determine for sure if you need help or not. There is no harm whatsoever in approaching your doctor in the first instance in order to seek their advice. Your doctor will be able to assess your symptoms and rule out any other potential causes and advise you on what you can do to get well again.

It may be that you need no treatment other than a supportive ear and advice on self help techniques or it may be that you need a short course of anti-depressant medication to get you back on track. In a few cases where the symptoms are more severe, you may require more specialist treatment but the good news is that even more serious types of mental health problems are treatable.

Depression and anxiety are serious mental health conditions that can strike anyone at anytime. For more information about depression and self help please come and visit our site.

Mental Health Counseling

When you think about it, our experience of the universe should be nothing short of amazing. The universe offers us a place to have great times to meet strangers and eventually become friends, develop bonds between them which may enable us to live and have a superb life every day. But life isn't always about happiness, like winning millions and spending it to the fullest. In order to succeed, we need to go through ups and downs, thus life can also be tough. Even the strongest, bravest and fittest person can flounder sometimes. Times like when you are feeling sad, when nobody seems to understand, even your own self. However, there is no need to feel that way because pressure like this can usually be handled in time. Yet some people find themselves too far down the road to recover on their own. These are the ones who need mental health counseling.

Actually, the concept of 'counseling' has existed over centuries and describes the need for one person to ask for help and advice from another. Counseling in its broader sense is all about helping people to resolve mental problems or issues, often related to work or social matters. The main role of the counselor is as problem solver. Through direct advice or non-direct guidance, his aim is to help the person to make balanced decisions. There are various different kinds of mental health counselors: counseling psychologists, psychiatrists, clinical psychologists, as well as social workers, and pastoral counselors.

The role of clinical psychologists is to deal with severe disorders like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and learning disabilities. Clinical psychologists frequently work in teams, offering mental health assistance. Counseling psychologists specialize on daily-life problems, as oppose to extreme psychological disorders. These kinds of counselors spend a lot of time working in the community, in schools, hospitals, clinics, as well as private locations. They help with issues related to personal matters, such as relationships, grief, work and other stresses of every day.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors. They usually possess both medical degrees and psychology degrees, and are qualified to treat mental disorders using a combination of counseling therapy and prescription medication. Psychiatry frequently involves the prescription of drugs like antidepressants, but psychology is more about trying to bring about changes in behavior with no medication. Clinical social workers can often be found in hospitals or out-patient facilities. These counselors are mainly interested in the way that the person's problems relate to their life situation and social life. Pastoral counselors are experts in psychology and theology. They try to provide spiritual and religious insights that can help to solve psychological problems and give guidance.

Mental health counselors come to understand the information of clients through observations, interviews and tests so they can decide the best course of action to help their client. They often help their clients think and make positive choices. Mental health counselors are an extremely valuable part of the healthcare system. Common work activities in mental health counseling includes scheduling client appointments, completing risk assessments on clients as required, talking and counseling with clients (to help them make informed decisions about themselves, their lives and even relationships and future goals), providing consistent care and treatment programs for clients, keeping accurate client records, files and documentation and planning the most effective treatments.

Mental health counseling is probably the best aid for people experiencing psychological dilemma. It is not a contagious disease that can spread from person to person, and it is good to seek the guidance of a counselor. People having psychological issues should not be afraid or feel embarrassed when they need to undergo mental health counseling because it is for the benefit of their own health and future.

Do not despair if you are having panic attack problems. There are many resources out there to help. For more advice, check out: Panic Attacks Cures. You can find information on a range of topics, including panic cure.

Asian Mental Health (Part 3)

"The help seeking process serves as an important filter such that only a portion of those who need professional mental health treatment actually seek such assistance"

Ponterotto et al. (1995), p.416

Reasons to suspect that barriers exist

It is known that ethnic minority groups are reticent about seeking mental health assistance, and those who do suffer from premature termination. In a study of 135 African-American outpatients only 25% of those seeing a white therapist returned after the first session, as compared to 43% who were seeing a same race therapist suggesting client-therapist ethnic match to be an important factor. Interestingly, the figures suggest that 57% of the population who were seeing a same race therapist didn't return and this would indicate that the ethnic match is far from the complete solution. Another study in a similar vein was conducted across 17 community mental health centres across the Seattle area of the USA - over 50% of Asian patients prematurely terminated therapy after just one session, as compared to a 29% rate for Caucasian patients. These observations were explained in terms of a difference in attitudes and beliefs regarding mental illness and psychotherapy, and also that the failure of therapists to consider these attitudes resulted in a failure to develop trust, rapport and a working therapeutic relationship. In a study where 83 black and 66 white university students were recruited by telephone, the white group were 6 times more likely than the black group to have sought help from a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Semi structured interviews were conducted with 48 psychiatric patients recruited from mental health care facilities. The Asian group (consisting of Filipino, Korean, Japanese and Chinese people) had the longest delay between diagnosis of mental health problems and participation in a treatment programme, indicating a degree of reluctance to engage in the help seeking process. In the interim, it was found that this group had more extended, persistent and intensive family involvement than either the Black or Caucasian groups. The authors commented that psychiatric problems in Asian families may be taken as a threat to the homeostasis of the family as a whole. The family participate actively in denying such problems.

Using a random sample of migrants from India to the UK, other researchers have found that they showed less evidence of emotional disturbance when compared to a matched English sample, using a scale which had been validated for both groups in question. This begs the question - do Asians utilise services less because they have less cause to do so, as opposed to there being barriers to obtain such help? Given equal numbers of stressful life events, as social support systems increase, one would expect the likelihood of experiencing psychological distress (and subsequently seeking counselling) to decrease. It is known that Asian communities in Britain tend to have strong links with the extended family, with family homes sometimes consisting of three generations. It may be that this support acts as a buffer during emotionally difficult periods. Other findings refute this suggestion - depression is thought to be diagnosed less commonly among West Indian and Asian patients in Psychiatric hospitals than among the British born, although this does not reflect the actual occurrence of depression in the community.

What are the known barriers?

There may be barriers at an institutional level - the geographic inaccessibility of mental health services to the ethnic community; lack of child care; focus on an intra-psychic model and strict adherence to time schedules. In one study, environmental constraints were ranked second as reasons for leaving therapy prematurely. Equally, there may be financial barriers (such as medical insurance within some countries, or time off work in order to attend); cultural barriers (such as language and attitudes to mental health problems). It is thought language barriers and cultural differences are less of an issue for second or third generation Chinese, who have integrated into the host country. Indeed, the English language has a rich source of adjectives to describe internal experience - such as despondent, despairing, disillusioned, gloomy, unhappy, miserable and so on - there may not be so many direct equivalents in the Asian languages. More probably, Asian clients may struggle to find English equivalents for words that they know perfectly well in their own mother tongue.

Over 2000 adults were interviewed about their perceptions of barriers to help seeking for two specific problems - alcoholism, and severe emotional problems. The Caucasian group perceived less barriers than any of the other Asian groups, and this remained so after controlling for various sociodemographic variables. A sense of shame was rated quite highly across each non-Caucasian ethnic group, and this is discussed in more detail later in the section. The second most popular response across groups was that services were inappropriate, or that they just weren't aware of them. Interestingly the least most important factor was accessibility of services and ethnic match of the therapist. In one of few studies carried out with Indian participants, a content analysis of the responses given by Tamil women suffering with depression in India has been made. Consistent with earlier findings, treatment seeking behaviour was influenced by the stigma associated with their condition, and another deterring factor was lack of knowledge that treatment was available. The issue of shame seems further emphasised in that the women expressed feelings of wanting to 'wither away' rather than seek treatment.

The shame of needing to seek help

Shame has been equated with mental health problems within Asians, for sufferer and family alike - perhaps because it reflects a failing in upbringing, or some inherited component which would affect the families standing in the community. Mental illness seems to be taken by Asians as a weakness of character and the need to seek professional help is seen as a disgrace. In eastern thought there is a strong belief that all events are influenced to some degree by unseen forces, and any personal difficulty is a reflection of the misfortune of the sufferer. Isolation can set in, where people in the community tend to avoid associating with such a person, or the family. It is suggested that ancient codes of India mean psychiatrically ill individuals did not qualify for certain social privileges, and this stigma around mental illness is clearly present in contemporary India. An escape from such stigma may be to conceal the difficulties - perhaps on a conscious level in the avoidance of professional sources of help, and also in the sub-conscious denial of all problems that are not physical. For the Chinese, mental illness seems to be seen as a disgrace and sufferers become family secrets, to the extent that the illness is denied proper care.

It is known that stressful situations that are evaluated as a threat to self esteem provoke a 'self controlling' coping response (i.e. an inhibition or restraint of ongoing thoughts, feelings and actions). The shame associated with mental health problems is likely to be associated with such a threat to self esteem - and perhaps the reluctance to seek professional help is an extension of this self-controlling response. The avoidance of shame, with the avoidance of help seeking as one mechanism, is one of many withdrawing behaviours. The concept is simply that of withdrawing from situations in which shame could arise. It may be that a failure to live up to spiritual or cultural ideals fits a similar pattern to the other failures discussed in the literature.

The shame of failing to live upto ideals

Within a religious or spiritual framework for Asians, it is often the case that followers aspire towards a surrender to divine will - to accept their lot in life, be thankful for what they have and not to feel downhearted about difficulties or gaps in life. For Indians, religion is often a central part of family life. For Indians residing outside of their country of origin, worship has taken on an additional role - that of maintaining identity and sustaining a social network within their community. It may be suggested that a persons standing within this socio-religious sphere is questioned where mental health problems arise. After all, depression in lay terms is about unhappiness, and this opposes the religious ideal. What trust have you left in God, if you have lost hope ? How can you be a believer, if you do not believe God knows and does best ? Such internal dialogues are likely to influence not only internal judgements about the self (internal shame), but also judgements about the view that others in the community hold (external shame). Internal shame is derived from how the self judges the self, seeing oneself as bad, flawed, worthless and unattractive. Furthermore, shame must include some notion of a place or position that one does not wish to be in, or an image that one does not wish to create - perhaps because this image or position is associated with negative aversive attributes from which one struggles to escape. These ideas provide a helpful context for assertions made about Asian families being more preoccupied with what the neighbours must be thinking when a member of the household has been hospitalised for an overdose.

Shame induced within the professional consultation

A factor not given much attention is the shame that may be induced by professionals. Depressed patients who attend the GP surgery may be struggling with their symptoms, only to feel more distressed at not being able to express their concerns adequately. If there is a case that Asian groups display a different manifestation and expression of psychological symptoms, they may not understand the questions being asked of them in a consultation - this dynamic in itself can be shaming. A vague series of symptoms which do not make sense to a GP may cause the patient to grow more nervous and misunderstood, whilst making the GP increasingly irritated. In despair, the patient may seek help from different doctors, anxiously trying to convince them of something. Unlike mainstream Britain, there are societies in the world where science, medicine, philosophy and religion are not separated into different compartments. For such cultural groups, there may not be the same distinction between the GP's factual explanation and moral judgement - so that a statement about an illness being bad may imply to the patient that there is something terribly wrong with them as a person!

Service credibility

For a person to approach a practitioner for assistance, and then follow the advice given, it is clearly important for there to be a sense of trust and a feeling that the practitioner understands the difficulties. Practitioners are often trained in a diagnostic method (i.e. asking various questions to narrow down possibilities), and this may undermine the confidence that Asian patients place in their consultations. Patients often arrive at the surgery with their problems, and expect the doctor to know what is wrong with them. If GP's proceed to ask lots of 'what' questions, before looking at 'why' and 'how to help', this is likely to influence their credibility. Within the conceptual model of Asian immigrants, many questions before solutions may serve to reveal their GP's ignorance and reinforce the belief that such doctors simply don't understand.

Furthermore, there may be beliefs within Asian communities that strong feelings should be restrained, that focusing on distress is unhelpful, and that it is better to rise above it and carry on. Such factors impact upon the credibility of a service, since it fails to fit beliefs about what is helpful. Clearly, attitudes to seeking help are a great influence on whether help seeking actually occurs, or not. Credibility may be described as a constellation of characteristics which make a service worthy of belief, entitled to confidence, reliability and trust. The ethnicity of the therapist and perceived 'cultural competence' may be an important factor in credibility beliefs. There is a potential for incongruities at various levels, to include problem conceptualisation, means for resolution, and goals for treatment - widely opposing ideas between therapist and client is likely to impact upon how credible the client perceives a service to be.

Tensions between cultural values and the western medical system

There may be a tension between the cultural values of certain ethnic groups and those of the western medical system. Therapy may involve an emphasis on verbal communication of distress and a focus on the individuals personal needs. However, for Asians it is widely believed that individual needs should rightly be subordinate to the needs of the family and collective as a whole. Other research findings contend that for Punjabis, a diagnosis of depression is counterproductive, since it suggests a self-centredness to this community which is associated with negative social and cultural values, and such a diagnosis is likely to meet with denial and a breakdown in communication. The control of personal feelings is important since the 'self' needs to be relinquished in order to gain proximity to God, and one part of this bargain is to control emotions that are self-willed impulses. In one study, Asian women in distress were found to talk about their difficulties by way of their circumstances, their families, their hopes, prayers and sorrows - they didn't talk about themselves!

It seems also that such close-knit family ties carry with them a 'sphere of privacy', where the sharing of certain events and experiences outside this network would be considered as an act of bringing disgrace for the whole family. The notion of sitting with a stranger and discussing personal issues may not rest easily with individuals of Asian background. In a study looking at preferences for help sources, Asian Americans did not indicate a preference to see counsellors.

Alternative sources of help

It seems that Asians prefer alternative health care (e.g. acupuncture, herbalists) as a first line of help for psychiatric symptoms and in India, many people use folk healers before turning to hospitals. Clearly, there are fewer folk healers in the Western world. The Asian healer (e.g a Vaid or Hakim) has been observed to conduct extended consultations with the patients that come to him for assistance. This consultation is akin to a counselling session, where the practitioner gets to know the patient and his concerns. Priests and religious specialists also play an important role in the health care of Asians in Britain. Beliefs in the contribution of cosmic factors to recovery manifest in traditional cultures around Asia and these beliefs are shared by folk practitioners and patients. Some Punjabis are known to prefer Ayurvedic or Unani practitioners over and above more western medical practitioners, primarily because Western medicines are thought to be 'hot' and aggravate certain conditions.

In a British review of the literature on primary care presentation and disorders such as anxiety and depression among patients from ethnic minorities, it has been found that the ethnic groups most likely to attend a GP were men and women of Pakistani origin. Male Asians including those born in Britain and those originating from the Indian subcontinent and East Africa were more likely than the general population to consult the GP. This would indicate that people are seeking help, but for various reasons the process of referral to mental health services is not occurring. It has been proposed that Asians who break down are more likely to be tolerated at home without more specialist consultation. Indeed it has been suggested that Asians who suffer with emotional difficulties are less likely to class these difficulties as pathological, and it is perhaps for this reason that such difficulties are not discussed with the GP.

Clearly, a number of other explanations are equally plausible - for example, perhaps the symptoms are seen as pathological, but the GP is not considered an appropriate source of help. Stigmatisation and shame have been addressed as important barriers to help seeking previously. Another issue is that problems affecting physical health may be seen as 'individual afflictions' which are amenable to a medical intervention, whereas more emotional or psychological problems are seen in the context of 'personhood and social roles'. Difficulties in the latter are seen to be within normal parameters - the ability to meet difficulties in life is held in high esteem.

As you will realise from the reading of this article, there are a plethora of barriers that sit between an Asian man or woman, and the help he or she needs with mental health problems. Some of these are barriers within health institutions themselves, although not knowingly created. Some are barriers of a cultural, social and spiritual belief system that are at odds with the western psychiatric approach. Depression, anxiety and stress take their toll - life satisfaction diminishes. Where will these people turn for help ? Perhaps to God, or hope of a better after life. Perhaps to drink, as a means of drowning out sorrows. Perhaps just through numbness, and lack of life energy, as the years limp on. As a British Asian, trained in psychology, I would like to make the plight of ethnic minorities in the UK known. Surely, we can all work together to offer help, compassion and care to one another.

If you would like to receive other articles in this series on Asian Mental Health, please email me via my website http://www.clinicalpsychologydirect.com, and I would be glad to forward them to you.

The US Fails the Mentally Ill

On a daily basis the media bombard us with news of tragic deaths of home invasions, murders, kidnapping and other atrocities. Many of these crimes are committed by a distrubed, mentally ill person. The failure of government and public policy to protect all our citizens from those who have mental disabilities is wrong. They are ignored, denied. blurred, blamed and are invisible. The Federal Government should lead in establishing an environment of reality and acceptance of treatment without the ignorant stigma of shame. Mental problems are just as legitimate as a cut needing stitches or a heart attack. Yet people who seek help for a psychological problem are still looked upon as flawed and blamed for not being able to handle their own problems.

Mental health is a legitimate health problem. As we go forward to reform our national health care, let us not forget the mentally ill.

We need public education to encourage individuals to go for help when they recognize feeling out-of-control or in a situation where they need counseling, support and advice. Some problems are chemical imbalances and often medications can reduce symptoms or stabilize the individual, if the person takes the medication. They don't always take them because the medications have such uncomfortable side effects that the patient believes that the disease is easier to cope with than the drugs.

Other problems are situational and don't need to be medicated but brought to the surface, worked out and resolved. The best way to do this is through "talk therapy." There are many modalities that effectively work to educate and empower people to stop repeated patterns of destructive and self-deprecating behaviors. Being molested as a child is one example. There is no drug to resolve the damage done and continuing negative effects on adult relationships like trust issues, guilt, shame and sexual confusion and dysfunction. These issues need to be resolved by other means.

Medicating such a wound just exacerbates the dilemma and doesn't resolve or heal the wound.

Grief is similar issue. Typically it isn't pathological, yet it hurts like hell for a long time. Medication isn't recommended. Talking about the pain and expressing the hurt is a healthier way to deal with grief. Knowing what to expect, the hot spots and the time frame is empowering. Just knowing that the immediate pain will heal itself is part of the healing process.

Historically, we as a nation have attached a stigma of shame on the individual suffering from a mental problem and on the family. I know because in 1956 my father was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and rather than go to a hospital and inflict shame on his family and himself he killed himself at 45 years old.

In the 1960's we began systematically to empty out all our mental hospital. Often they were less than ideal, but rather than reform them we dumped the patients onto the street. Most homeless people have serious mental health problems and so do most inmates in jail. Today when a person is identified with serious mental problems there is no place to put him or her, few long-term beds and certainly not an adequate amount are available for the mentally ill. Half way houses substitute as a safe place to be housed, but they are rarely safe. And inmates in jail don't get adequate mental health help to prevent recidivism, returning to jail after they are released.

Then in the 1990's the Health Maintaince Organizations (HMO's) appeared on the reimbursement stage and embraced short-term therapy with an emphasis on behavioral modification and limited psychotherapy to six or on occasion twelve sessions. Any additional sessions need to be approved by the HMO before they would be paid. This was the death knoll to effective therapy for the severely mentally ill.

Now in 2009 access is limited even non-existent in many places in the the US. Most states don't have enough money to adequately fund Community Mental Health Programs. Many people fall between the cracks even when identified and mandated to get out patient therapy. Mental health practitioners are overloaded, overwhelmed and underpaid. It is a job with high burn out and high turn over. A patient may begin with one therapist, who moves on and the patient is transferred and has to start all over with someone else.

Private insurance limits the number of visits they will pay for through reimbursement and co-payments. They closely monitor the number of visits, that are regulated by HMO staff. A mental health professional literally has to beg for additional visits when deemed necessary. Additionally the HMO tells the practitioner what they will pay and it is rarely his or her regular fees, always less.

Mental health must become a higher priority in this country to prevent innocent people from becoming victims. All of society is responsible for this tragedy. We must demand more education, better treatment and prevention strategies to avoid tragic senseless incidents in the future.

This is a broken system and needs to be fixed. Now!

http://www.lamariposapress.com

BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH

Nancy (Vardon-Hopf) O'Connor was born in Detroit, Michigan. She worked as a nurse for 15 years. In 1971 she earned her B.S in Sociology followed by her M.S and a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology in adult development and gerontology at the University of Oregon.

Dr. O'Connor has served on the faculties of the University of Oregon and the University of Arizona. She has been a clinical psychologist in private practice 23 years until her retirement in 1998. For The last 12 years of her practice she was the founder and Director of the Grief and Loss Center in Tucson, Arizona.

She is the author of several articles and books. Letting Go With Love: The Grieving Process is an international bestseller and has sold over 200,000 copies worldwide. How to Grow Up When You're Grown Up: Achieving Balance in Adulthood is holistic approach to adult development and How To Talk To Your Doctor is a lighthearted approach at improving communications between patients and doctors, Lottie's Lot is a novel based on the true-life stories of her five generations in her family. In the Year 2323 is a musical comedy about population issues and global environmental issues and Letter Therapy: Healing Past Emotional Pain, Grief and Abuse.

For more information and to see her books got to http://www.lamariposapress.com.

Relationship Advice on Feminine Power - 3 Traps to Avoid For a Successful Relationship

Like it or not, the road to romance can sometimes be bumpy. Stepping into your "feminine power" has been a concept of confusion for many forward thinking females ever since the 60's and has kept many relationships from living happily ever after. Reflect on this relationship advice to see if you've fallen prey to any of these 3 traps.

Loss of Balance

With very few powerful feminine role models for you to emulate, the association to "power" has been misinterpreted as masculine. Face it. The majorities of women wears a dozen different hats and are on the fast track the minute our feet hit the ground in the morning till we drop into bed exhausted.

This kind of power and energy is not from our feminine source. So it's easy to understand how the art and pleasure of being a woman got lost and buried. In addition, with the drive to succeed front and center, playfulness flew out the window along with fun romantic adventure. Learn how to flip to feminine and you'll have much more fun.

Loss of Connection

If you are like the millions of women who crave an intimate connection with their man but expect him to turn into Don Juan and create all the romance, you're unconsciously giving your power away. You need to ask yourself, "Do I want to stay stuck or do I want to reach out and be a bridge to love?"

Most men were not raised to know how to woo you beyond the initial stages of love and are fearful of being criticized and rejected, whereas women, the feminine, are the source of creativity. So stop judging and blaming, start softening, and allow a safe haven for your partner to enter into. Go dancing, listen to music, watch a funny movie or design a fun environment to play in. The point is you have the power to create what you want, so do it!

Loss of Pleasure

A segment on NBC's Today Show revealed 63 percent of all relationships are suffering from sex problems. Relationship expert David Schnarch, a clinical psychologist at the Marriage and Family Health Center in Evergreen, Colorado, cites women as having confusion and control issues. His remedy? Women need to rediscover themselves and take control of their desires. Couples need to build intimacy and work on personal growth.

As observed by Dr. Schnarch, women need to get in touch with their feminine energy, their pleasure center, and create what they want in their love life. Couples who play together are much happier. It's important for women to understand that pleasure is their birthright. So get in touch with what brings you pleasure - make a list of 10 things that make your skin tingle with excitement and make sure you do at least one of them every day.

Thankfully, with the recent downturn in the job market and a return to a "less is more" mentality, people are once again searching for balance, meaningful connection and pleasure within their relationships. I invite you to take a moment and reflect - are you making the most of your feminine power? If you can live consciously and avoid these three traps you are definitely on your way to a successful relationship.

Bonus - If you would like more information on how to have more fun in your relationship and create the closeness you crave I invite you to visit http://www.SherriNickols.com and claim your special free report.

Authored by Sherri Nickols - Romance Coach for women ready to live a fully Self-expressed life, blending fun and adventure into their relationship to create the closeness they crave.

Leading Change From Obesity Toward Health

Obesity is a now a huge health epidemic - I don't need to tell you this. It's on television and the news. There are several reality shows such as 'the biggest loser' and 'heavy'. You may even be able to look down at your own scale or at family members to see just how big the problem is (pun intended!).

We know it is a problem. People talk about how we need to do more to correct the problem and little things are starting to change such as new menus at the popular fast food restaurants and even in school cafeterias.

But even with these little changes, we have a long way to go toward health. Today, the statistics are staggering with over two-thirds of the United States adult population being either obese or overweight.

How did we get so far away from health and the fitness craze of the 1980's? There are many reasons for the obesity problem. These are just a few:

· Extra calories are added to everything from soups to pasta sauce to condiments.

· We are drinking more calories than ever before with the average person drinking 450 calories a day.

· We eat fast giving us indigestion and causing stomach upset. Eating fast can cause us eat more than we need to and with less enjoyment. We also choose poorly when we grab something on the run. Eating healthy often requires a little planning.

· Less activity and more television, video games and sedentary lifestyles. The elimination of recess at schools.

· Packaged foods and less home cooking. Our grandparents and great-grandparents cooked everything at home. Today, we buy packaged, processed foods and ingest unnatural preservatives, chemicals and sugars unnecessarily added to 'enhance flavor' but which have the effect of increasing desire for more. They also cause us to store more fat.

· We eat too much. We eat more than our bodies need. We mistake thirst for hunger and eat instead of drink water. We eat when we are emotional. We eat when we are full. We eat when we see food. We have lost control and fallen prey to advertising, 'super-sizing' and our own appetites.

We are busy, less active and eat more. We eat unhealthy food substitutes and eat on the run. When did eating become such a chore?

The Consequences

The consequences of moving so far away from health and fitness are also staggering. Everything has a cost to it.

· Health costs: more sick days, more trips to the doctor, more prescriptions, more co-pays, more pain, more surgeries, etc. Obesity increases your risk for heart disease, strokes, Type II diabetes, high cholesterol, several cancers, liver and gallbladder disease, sleep apnea and respiratory problems, varicose veins, osteoarthritis (a degeneration of cartilage and its underlying bone within a joint) and gynecological problems (abnormal menses, infertility). Let's face it, the more you weigh, the harder it is on your body, joints, back, organs, heart...

· Life costs: Obesity increases your risk of premature death.

· Financial costs: medical expenses and higher insurance premiums, gasoline, wear and tear on our cars, costs of food, even clothing. And these are just the personal expenditures.

· Business costs: sick time, down time at work,decreased productivity, restricted activity, absenteeism and bed days.

· Relationship costs: with the strain your weight causes on your body and your mental health, it also puts a strain on your relationships. If you're not happy and healthy, that impacts people around you. Even colleagues feel the pinch when you are out sick or cannot perform to your ability.

· Being overweight impacts your energy levels, self-esteem and mood. It is tiring to carry extra weight around.

· All of this impacts your mental health causing depression and anxiety as well as other mental health issues.

How Do We Change?

Change begins by taking the first step. We must begin with ourselves and then, show others the path. There is nothing more hypocritical than listening to a doctor or nurse give nutrition or exercise advice when he/she is obese. We have to be role models and "Be the change you wish to see in the world." You cannot just tell others what to do. You cannot teach your kids if you are not doing it for yourself. No, change begins with you - with each of us taking a stand for ourselves and taking charge or our health and happiness.

There is a simple formula to change but it has eight steps. These are outlined in the book Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.?

1. Commitment. When you are committed, you will go to any and all lengths to accomplish your goal. Commit to your health. Commit to being healthy enough to enjoy your grandkids and your spouse. Do it because you are worth it.

2. Envision a better future. Dream of your life when you are a thinner and healthier version of yourself. How will you be different? How will you feel? What will you be doing?

3. Develop the characteristics you need to succeed. This means, you have to tell yourself a new story about being healthy and thin, update your self-image and change your inner dialogue. Who will you become in this new vision of yourself? Identify the qualities, the values and the behaviors and start living them today.

4. Create an environment to support the change. This includes the external environment such as visiting new places and cleaning out your pantry. It also means developing a support system or community to assist you in becoming this new version of yourself. You need an external support system to champion the internal work you are doing.

5. Take action. Without action, nothing changes. Each small step contributes to your success.

6. Celebrate your success along the way. I cannot tell you how important this step is! As you celebrate and acknowledge how wonderful you are doing, you gain momentum and motivation. Your confidence builds. And you reinforce your commitment to stay the course.

7. Laugh and enjoy the journey. If you are not having fun, you won't do it. You will turn back. If you cannot see the value, if you are not committed to the journey but only to the destination, it will be too hard to stick to the path and you will likely fail.

8. Adopt empowering beliefs. If you don't believe you can, you won't. If you limit yourself, you will remain limited. This is probably the most important of these strategies because if you do not believe in the possibility for success, no matter what you think, do or say, you will find ways to sabotage your success to prove you are right. What you believe becomes your reality.

Change begins with you. Let's envision something new, and together, let's make the world - our world - a healthier and happier place.

Julie Donley knows firsthand what it means to conquer adversity. Having overcome addiction, a grave illness, divorce, the untimely death of her ex-husband, single parenthood, obesity, indebtedness and being laid-off three times, Julie brings a wealth of personal experience to her work. Julie has worked in psychiatric nursing since 1993 and founded her company, Nurturing Your Success, in 2001 to assist people in achieving their goals and working through change. She is the author of several books including Does Change have to be so H.A.R.D.? and The Journey Called YOU: A Roadmap to Self-Discovery and Acceptance and is named one of the top 100 thought leaders in her field. Learn more at http://www.JulieDonley.com. Contact Julie at Julie@JulieDonley.com to have her speak at your next meeting or conference.

Tips on How to Develop a Long-Lasting Relationship

Almost every man or woman is looking to find that special someone in their life, and there really is a perfect match for everyone in the world. But even if you've found your soul mate there's bound to be some problems in your relationship from time to time. Fortunately there are plenty of great methods you can use to make the time spent with your loved one a little easier and less stressful.

In order to make the most of your relationship consider the following tips. Not only will these ideas help you lead a long and happy relationship with your significant other, but they may help with your overall mental and physical health as well.

Communicate - You've heard it time and time again; communication is the key. Of course it is important to talk to your mate and express your own feelings, but it is equally important that you listen to your loved one and be receptive to their feelings too. Once you have established an effective line of communication with your partner you can start laying the groundwork for a long-lasting relationship.

Show affection - It's the 21st century - the days of sleeping in separate beds and avoiding public contact with your mate are long gone. Today's men and women want to be desired, and they want to know they're desired as well. Don't be afraid to hold your partner's hand, hold them in your arms or even give them in a kiss.

Never forget important dates - Specific dates are used as important milestones in long-lasting relationships. Believe it or not, this holds true just as much for men as it does for women. Remember that not every occasion requires a gift, but a hand-written note or card will always bring a smile to your loved one's face.

Make time for you mate - We all have personal schedules outside of our love lives, but when you're in a serious and committed relationship you should try to fit your partner into that schedule as much as possible. This doesn't mean you have to completely pull away from your other friends and family members in order to spend time with your significant other. Instead, try to include them in activities and functions with your friends and family and your relationship is bound to grow even stronger.

Choose your arguments - Arguments, disagreements and quarrels happen in every relationship. But the most successful couples know how to turn these negative situations into a positive experience that will actually help strengthen their relationship. Knowing when to swallow your pride and bite your tongue has helped many couples stay together in the past and it will no doubt help many more in the future.

Compromise during the holidays

As you can see there are a variety of steps that can be taken in order to ensure a long-lasting relationship. Many believe that the dream of marrying a high school sweetheart or spending 50 years with the same spouse is a thing of the past, but these feats can still be achieved today with just a little bit of patience, dedication and communication.

Susan is a dating counsellor who advises couples and singles in the online dating world. Susan works for a company who let you search for singles who live nearby. If you live in the UK then why not try dating agency london and meet professionals, for a date at lunchtime or after work! For more information please visit Lovestruck.

Surviving Mental Illness - A Personal Account

This will probably be the most serious, personal, and emotionally charged article I will ever write. I am not doing this out of self-pity or for any other selfish reasons. It is something that I feel I need to share, and my greatest hope is that someone out there will take something useful from these writings, whether it is to know you are not alone with your mental illness or a better understanding on a subject that is still taboo even in today's world.

No Cure, Only Treatment

There is no cure for mental illness, only treatment. And finding the correct treatment can be an extremely difficult task. I've almost given up several times. Obviously, I didn't, since I'm still alive and writing this. I have managed to become a survivor.

A Brief Warning

I want to stress on the outset that I am NOT a doctor. I cannot give any medical advice, only friendly and sincere suggestions. Hopefully I can point the people who need help in the right direction, but please keep in mind that I do not have all the answers.

Family History

Before my father's death in 2005, my parents were happily married for 50 years. Throughout their marriage, my father would always surprise mother with poems he had written for her or give gifts for no reason at all.

Mother always showered him back with love, by making his favorite meals and surprising him with gifts too. All throughout my life I saw them display affection for one another, always holding hands while watching television, going on walks and outings together, sometimes just holding each other in silence. It was a perfect marriage. They had three children: my sister (15 years older than me), my brother (12 years older), and then finally myself. I wasn't an accident, however. My parents, and later my siblings, wanted a third child. There was no substance or alcohol abuse in my immediate family. However, there were uncles and aunts who were alcoholics, even one was a sex addict. Also while growing up, my brother, sister, and I heard stories that some of our aunts, uncles, and a few distant cousins were often "moody" or "eccentric." Later, I learned that these were signs of emotional/mental illnesses. Early Childhood With such older siblings, I almost felt like an only child with two sets of parents. I was usually surrounded by adults, so I never really connected with children my own age. In fact, mother has often mentioned that I would conduct self-discipline, making it hard for her to get mad at me. If I had done something wrong - or even perceived that I did - I would break one of my favorite toys to punish myself. In all of my childhood, she only spanked me once and that was for running across the road through traffic. I was a creative child too. I would be constantly drawing pictures, building elaborate structures out of Legos, or create stories with little toy people. Without any childhood friends to speak of, I managed to keep myself entertained most of the time. But then there were other times when I would lose my creativity and would sleep often. I was often checked for anemia, and I did have low blood pressure, but still within the range of safety. However, sometimes I just didn't feel up to playing.

Late Childhood

My later childhood was a slow-motion train wreck. Because of my lack of childhood friends while growing up, school was very difficult for me socially. While my grades were quite good, I had problems fitting in with the other children. I was a bit of a misfit even at this early an age. I felt more comfortable around the teachers than the other students. But I managed.

There was a department store that mother and I frequented. One of the undercover security guards who looked out for shoplifters took an interest in me. For the record, she was an alcoholic, 50+ in age.

From my recollection, I was approximately seven years old when she wanted me to call her my girlfriend. She told me that I was her boyfriend and that no one was supposed to know about our relationship. Even now I do not wish to talk about it in detail.

Surprisingly, the effects of this matter did not affect my grades or my self-worth. I was still able to carry on like nothing ever happened. But my alienation from the rest of the children grew. As well as my depression.

History Repeats Itself

Four years later, another incident, just like the first one, occurred with an alcoholic aunt-by-marriage, age 60+. I was eleven at the time. Unlike the first situation, I loved this aunt tremendously, and I felt actual love in return, whether or not it was real or imagined. As before, I do not want to go into details.

When puberty struck, I was now "programmed" for being attracted to much older women.

All through this, I still had periods of great creativity followed by lethargic periods. My grades were still good in school, but I was a social outcast with children my own age.

When I turned 13, things started getting worse on several different levels.

Middle School

My first memories of self-loathing and thoughts of suicide were when I was 13 years old in the eighth grade of middle school. Always an outcast from my peers, I now found it hard to relate to adults as well.

While other students were going to games, on dates, and acting like "normal" 13 year-olds, I began to become even more alienated. I still didn't know how to interact with them.

On top of this, the hormones of puberty were raging throughout my body, and the only people I became attracted to were the female teachers. After all, I've had experiences with women even older than they were. I developed a benign yet extremely powerful obsession to one woman in particular, which still gently echoes to this day, 24 years later.

I was a constant target of the other students. I was a misfit; I had no place in their world view.

I began rebelling. My attendance and grades started to take a beating, and I would do things to intentionally cause a reaction, such as bleaching my hair white and dying a blue streak down the front.

I became obsessed with death and dying, especially suicide, planning different scenarios and pondering the aftermath of my actions.

In my spare time, I would lose myself into music, mostly bands that didn't fit the mainstream: The Cars, Blondie, The B-52's, Devo, Talking Heads. I was in a clique all to myself.

I was often accused of taking drugs (I never did), but none of the faculty or staff seemed to care. I was just a novelty, someone to laugh about when I wasn't around.

High School

The first year of high school was a continuation of the hell I went through in middle school. But within the first year, I began to learn to hide in the crowd, stay in the background, try not to make any waves.

It also began a roller coaster of grades, from A's and high B's to low D's and F's. There was no logic behind my learning. I was either very focused and in control, or I was lost in a sea of raging emotions. I still had reoccurring thoughts of suicide periodically.

At the end of my freshman year, I had befriended a teacher. She began to teach me tennis and music. But before the summer was over, we had become lovers.

Positive Influence

In our unique case, the initial outcome of our relationship was a positive one. She gave me a feeling of self-worth, improved my self-esteem, became a confidant for the confusing emotions I had inside of me. Despite being against the law and societal acceptance, it had a healthy effect on me, for at least awhile anyway.

Tragedy

Then the last day of my sophomore year, a student that I had really admired and respected, committed suicide. Once again, my emotions were scrambled.

I continued to struggle throughout high school with these terrible lows that would occasionally become natural highs. Again, my attendance and grades reflected my state of mind.

Too Much Pressure

As time passed, the strain of having a relationship with a teacher began to take its toll. The secrecy, the suspecting faculty and students, the paranoia - it was all a weight on my shoulders, as well as hers.

The relationship withered during the summer of 1989, and it was over by the fall, when I entered college.

A New Beginning

Then my mood took a dramatic shift. In the fall of 1989, I never felt better. Everything seemed perfect to me then, and even now when I reflect upon it.

A Natural High

My college life was absolutely phenomenal! I never felt freer and more in control of my life as ever before. There were older student that I befriended, and I felt at home in this new environment.

1989 was a stellar year for many reasons. For one, I became aware of spirituality, something that never interested me before. I ended an unhealthy relationship and helped start a music group. I became a grade "A" student, and my attendance was nearly perfect. I also became involved in tennis and got into shape. It was a perfect time.

Things were still going steady by 1991, despite setbacks with the band. I took great care of my health, found more friends with a New Age attitude, and appreciated life and all it had to offer. Everyday seemed to be filled with glorious possibilities.

Turning of the Tide

Then in 1992, I was able to land the lead role of Harold Chasen in the play "Harold and Maude". I ended up in another failed relationship with the actress who played my mother, but immediately entered into another relationship - a woman I met through the college.

Things were great. Too great, in fact. I was riding a high that had no end in sight. But there were cracks around the corners of my world that I had ignored. What I know now but didn't know then was that reality was about to do a major flip on me.

Familiar Emotions

It was Christmas of 1992 when I first felt something wasn't right. To this day, it's hard to describe it. It was a series of little things. Sometimes I would panic when my ladyfriend touched me. Seeing the Christmas tree made me break down into tears. I questioned if my family really did want me.

And thoughts of death and dying were entering my mind once again. I even started questioning my spiritual beliefs. Was there really an afterlife? Does life have any meaning at all? Perhaps living was only a waste of time, just one long distraction from reminding us of our mortality.

I didn't voice my concerns, mostly because I didn't understand them. And besides, everyone else around me seemed okay with life. Why upset them?

I had already gotten my college degree in the summer of 1992, but I decided I needed to go back. I really wanted to become a journalist, even though my skills were definitely in mathematics. Perhaps if I stayed busy enough, these creeping feelings would dissipate.

So I went back to college in 1993. As wonderful a year 1989 was, 1993 was its polar opposite. I tasted heaven for quite awhile. Now it was time for hell.

Shattering Around the Edges

By the end of 1992, my emotions seemed unstable, but I didn't have a clue as to why. My family situation was fine. I had met an absolutely wonderful woman. I had my college degree, even though I still couldn't find employment.

But I decided that whatever was the matter with me, I could change it around. I decided to make 1993 even better than 1989, a year when I felt a tremendous surge of positive mental and emotional growth.

I decided to go back to college and change my major to Journalism, writing being my second love, music being my first.

My First Manic Episode

But something snapped inside of me. The warning signs were all there, and even my friends and family warned me that I just wasn't myself. I ignored them, because they just didn't understand. I'm going to improve my life like never before!

So I took two journalism classes. By why stop there? If I'm going to be a journalist, I should know about law too, so I took a legal course designed for police recruits. And since I should know more about human behavior, I took an anthropology class as well. Plus a leadership course taught by the college president himself.

And while I'm at it, why not learn more about religion and cultures? After adding that philosophy course to my class list, I decided I should know more about the area I live in; thus I took an Appalachian folklore class. And to top things off, I decided to learn French, for no apparent reason.

Eight college courses in one semester. Everyone told me it couldn't be done, but I knew I would prove them wrong.

As the semester began, I suddenly decided to write two novels. But I wanted them to be as factually accurate as possible. So I went to the library to check out books for research. I checked out books on the flora and fauna of the different regions of the world. I checked out books on geology, meteorology, marine life, the history of ships, and books on different world cultures.

I also needed to become more spiritually stronger. Despite my Christian surroundings, I chose a New Age path. I bought books about channeling, crystal communication, finding my Higher Power inside, psychic self-defense, and other esoteric topics.

I also decided I need to work more on my body, so I came up with a daily 90 minute workout schedule.

Feeling like a God

I felt great! I was in control. I was making myself into a modern day Renaissance man. I would be spiritually powerful, physically fit. I would be more than human.

Surprisingly, my grades were unbelievably high. Everything I did for class would earn me an "A." I even did beyond what was expected of me. If I were to watch one of the network news channels, I would watch one and video tape the other networks, so I could watch all of them. Why do a five page report when I could write a ten page one instead? I flew through the Anthropology video tape series. And I would always be at least one chapter ahead in my French class.

I began to quit sleeping, or sleep very little if needed. I had no appetite and was losing weight faster than I had intended.

By March, I learned the hard way that there were boundaries and that I was only human. And a human that needed help desperately.

The Crash

I was racing along smoothly through January and February, but by the beginning of March things started shifting.

The first scary incident was a "field trip" to a newsroom in Knoxville for one of my journalism classes. While visiting the newsroom, I had this constant urge to bolt from the building. I barely paid attention to what was being said. I felt ill during lunch and just wanted to get back home. The trip back to my town was just as bad.

An Overactive Mind

I remember that I wanted to start sleeping more but couldn't - my mind wouldn't let me. I kept thinking about all I wanted to accomplish, conversations I had earlier in the day, dreams of what I wanted to have happen, new ideas for other novels. I felt like I was trapped in a room with several televisions blaring loudly all at once, and I couldn't turn them off or lower the volume.

The Unraveling

I started missing the leadership class that the college president taught, which greatly upset him.

During one of my journalism classes, we were given a list of facts and we had to write a news article from them. I wrote the first sentence but didn't like it. So I scratched it out. I tried again and wrote the exact same sentence again, word for word. I scratched it out. Then again I wrote the same sentence. I was suddenly scared. My mind was stuck in loop.

Things grew even worse in my next class, French. We were given a basic test, the kind I normally whipped through and would get an "A" on it. This time, however, I spent several minutes just trying to write my name. I forgot how to write in cursive. I started shaking.

Scared and Confused

Later, I told my ladyfriend what was happening. She was concerned, because she had relatives with mental illnesses. She was the first person to use that phrase concerning me. At first I felt insulted but on another level I knew she was right. There was something wrong with me.

When she hugged me, I had a sudden flight-or-fight reaction. My entire body went rigid, and I couldn't hug her back. She understood and backed off.

I started missing classes. I didn't want to be around people. In fact, I didn't want to leave the house.

In the middle of March came a blizzard, rare for this area. This was the final push for me. I was about to hit rock bottom.

Paranoid Psychosis

When the blizzard came, my family and I were basically trapped within our house. In one way, it was comforting knowing I didn't have to go back to college for a while. But then I also felt uncomfortable being stuck within the house with my mother and father. By now, they knew something was terribly wrong with me.

My emotions were cycling rapidly in a perfect sequence. I would start crying uncontrollably for no apparent reason, I would then feel "normal" and confused to what was happening, then I would feel a sense of total ecstasy that everything would be great again and that I was in control. Then I went back to feeling normal and confused, and finally I would break down in tears again. My moods were swinging like a perfectly balanced pendulum.

Mother made me a bowl of soup. First I cried because of the loving gesture; then I thought it might have been poisoned.

I would try to block my bedroom door at night, so no one would come in and hurt me while I tried to sleep. But then at other times, I began thinking that I would help my family out if I would just end my life. All of this seemed sensible at the time.

Crashing Down

For approximately two weeks I had these weird delusions and mood swings. Finally, these thoughts settled down, and the only feeling left was severe depression. My moods no longer would swing. I just stayed depressed.

I dropped several of my courses except for three (which later became "F's"). I would only see a handful of my closest friends but that was it. I was beginning to withdraw from the world.

But unlike many people, I admitted that I was ill, and I did try to seek help. Sadly, despite all of its advances, mental health care is still in the Dark Ages.

Bad Medicine

For the sake of brevity, I am only going to highlight certain aspects of my life from 1993 to 1999. Also, I've been on so many medications, I don't remember them all or the complete order in which I tried them.

I went to both my family doctor and a state clinic for the mentally ill. Their initial diagnosis was that I suffered from severe clinical depression with an anxiety component, plus had signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

Beginning the Medication Game

The first medication they put me on was Paxil. It completely drugged me out. I gained 30 pounds within a matter of a few weeks, weight I'm still fighting with today. I couldn't function to go back to college or to get a job. I was a zombie.

The latter part of 1993 and most of 1994 are completely lost to me. I slept through the days, each day not being any different than the day before.

So the doctors tried me on Prozac. I had more energy but still was struggling with mood issues. I was able to function enough to join another music band in the latter part of the year of 1994.

At some point I tried Zoloft. I couldn't tell the difference from Prozac. So they put me on Effexor. It only increased my suicidal thoughts. Then I was put on yet another antidepressant (can't remember which one now) and it helped more than the others.

By the middle of 1995, I was able to get a job at a computer Help Desk. My attendance was shoddy at times when I had severe episodes of depression.

A doctor put me on Remeron, but after three days of continual sleeping I had to quit it. So I was put back on one of the previous medications.

Bad Turn of Events

I felt like I just existed through much of 1996. I really have few memories of that year, and the few I do have are bad ones. An aunt died in an accident and my brother almost died in an apartment fire.

My suicidal thoughts increased by early-to-middle 1997. I fired from my job at the Help Desk. Later that summer, I joined up with a benign cult just to have some sort of a social life and to find a distraction from my negative feelings.

Pills, Pills, Pills

By early fall of 1997, I got another job at the place I was fired from. I think I was on Wellbutrin and Luvox by then. I had taken Anafranil at some point - it didn't help.

Around 1999, I began taken Xanax for my anxiety and panic attacks, to which I became physically addicted.

After all these medications, plus Geodon, Risperdal, Buspar, and others that I cannot recall, I still suffered from a severe bought of depression followed by racing thoughts of suicide (known as aggravated depression, a trait common to bipolar disorder).

Some things helped a little but nothing was working very well. I was barely functional at best. When my father was diagnosed with cancer and diabetes in August 1999, things only got worse.

Pushed to the Edge

With the exception of the terrorist attacks of 9/11/01, the years of 2000 and 2001 were basically status quo concerning my mental health. Even though father was ill, no one could tell it. He still looked 20 years younger than his age and seemed to be in excellent form.

Work became more stressful due several circumstances not worth mentioning. But I held on as best as I could.

Due to a lack of Xanax and major upheavals at work, I began drinking in 2003. I was never an alcoholic. I didn't drink every day, didn't hide the fact that I was drinking. But alcohol is like a roll of the dice for me: it can really cheer me up or it can make me even more depressed. It was always a gamble. But it helped me to ration my Xanax. (Do NOT try this yourself!)

Making a Fool of Myself

My drinking and Xanax intake was also increasing, and I had a terribly embarrassing episode come from it. The college nurse knew I was having problems and would talk with me often.

One night, I came close to overdosing on Xanax and vodka and emailed her to let her know that if I should die tonight she was not responsible, and I thanked her for all of her help. The next day, I completely forgot about the email - Xanax-induced amnesia - until she found me. I was sent immediately to a therapist and psychiatrist.

Finding Good Doctors

After having bad experiences with a few psychiatrists and therapists in the 1990s and early 2000s, I thought I would never go back to another one. Fortunately, both of these people were (still are) excellent professionals. From 1993 until late 2004, I never had doctors that were as caring and as intelligent as these two people.

By the middle of December, I really cleaned up my act. I quit drinking and decreased my Xanax intake significantly. But the real reason for this was I knew I had to stay functional in case my father needed immediate help.

Death in the Family

My father died on January 4th, 2005 - Three days after my birthday.

Somehow, in some way, I felt more stable than I had in years. My therapist said it was because I had an actual, external reason to feel depressed, instead of the irrational depression I normally had.

I stayed strong for my mother, brother, and sister. I was the perfect model of mental health. No alcohol, very little Xanax. The psychiatrist put me on Lexapro, which I'm still taking to this day. So far, it has been one of the best medications for me. But it still wasn't perfect.

Unable to Cope

By the middle of 2005, I collapsed emotionally. The stability was gone. I used the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to take a month off from work. The psychiatrist was concerned that the Lexapro wasn't working well enough, so she put me on another antidepressant. A major mistake!

I never understood before why some people would cut themselves (self-mutilation). Now I did.

Cutting Myself

I don't really remember how it began, but I took a razor and started slashing at my wrists. My intention wasn't suicide, but if I had hit an artery, I wouldn't have minded. My therapist referred to this action as a "dance with death." He said it was a first step towards suicide.

There are two components that I have noticed when self-cutting. For one, there is a rush of endorphins that surge after a physical painful experience. And two, my mental depression now has a physical manifestation. I could put on a fake smile and use a cheerful sounding voice, but the cuts on my wrists tell the true story.

One night I cut myself so badly I had to go to the ER for a major laceration of the thumb. The blade had slipped and went right through the thumbnail. I hid my other cuts from the emergency personnel, but I'm sure they knew what I was up to. But I put on a fake smile and a cheerful sounding voice, and they didn't ask any more questions. Perhaps they really didn't want to know? Who can say?

Medicinal Change

After this, I immediately let my psychiatrist and therapist know what had happened. They immediately put me back on Lexapro and then a mood stabilizer called Ambilify. Within days, the urge to harm myself quickly disappeared, and I haven't intentionally hurt myself since.

By now, people at work knew I was still an emotional wreck. My boss wanted me to stay, but Human Resources were looking for a way to get me out of there. They managed to fire another woman who also had suicidal tendencies - they used her attendance as an excuse.

And my attendance was shoddy too. With the Ambilify and Lexapro, I knew I was moving in the right direction, but something was still missing.

By the fall of 2006, my psychiatrist left and a new one took her place. He studied my records carefully and asked if I ever tried Depakote - a medication designed for bipolar disorder. I hadn't, so he put me on it.

Could This Be the Answer?

I am still too amateur of a writer to come close to describing the difference it made me feel. I felt like I finally have woken up from a very long, dismal, and horribly bleak nightmare. My thoughts were neither sluggish nor rapid. The thought of suicide now seemed foreign to me.

Still, I lost my job due to absenteeism. But instead of planning my death, I began looking for a new one. I felt a sense of hope but one that is realistic. I could now organize my thoughts.

I felt "normal."

But only for a while. The symptoms crept back into my life, and the emotional downward spiral came once again.

I felt defeated once again.

Today

I've written this article about my mental health well over a year ago. At the time, I felt like Depakote was the answer to my prayers. Sadly, it wasn't. Neither was Lithium.

I'm taking Lexapro, Abilify, and a cocktail of medications to help combat anxiety. They help, but I still have a long way to go.

I have tried to find employment with no success. My natural state of mind is a depressive one, and I frequently lack energy to do the things I enjoy, much less activities and chores that must be done. Writing seems to be my only outlet and seems therapeutic.

Out of desperation, I am looking into SSI (disability) to see if I qualify for assistance. I haven't made any money on the soundtrack I've written, and so far my freelance writing has been a washout.

But... I will still manage to survive.

Shannon McDowell http://shannonmcdowell.com

Social Health

Social health, along with mental and physical health, is one of the key aspects to determine the general well-being of a person. The importance of social health has not been a big focus when people talk about health. However, experts say that the social well-being of an individual is just as important. Social health refers to the ability of an individual to thrive in the society and interact with other people, a form of mental health. This incorporates different elements of a person's character, personality and social skills. A healthy person should be able to function in society and reflect social norms. Social health could also refer to the general health of society, taking into consideration how people behave and treat one another. A healthy society is also a requirement for a person to function socially. The existence of governing law, wealth distribution, levels of social capital, and the public's access to decision-making processes are some of the indicators of a healthy society.

According to studies and research, social interactions play an important role in improving mental and physical health. It is not enough that a person exercises every day, eats a balance diet and goes to some spa to relax. A healthy individual also socialize with the people around him and forms different kinds of relationships. A healthy person is able to keep friendship, intimacy or other personal relationships. A bond between a person and the people around them provides a positive attitude towards life and makes it easier for to cope with stress. That's why a healthy person knows how to call their friends and ask for some advice in times of need. Popular studies also show that a person overcomes illness better when surrounded by a support group of families and friends. Isolation on the other hand can lead to mental illness. A person, who is already suffering from depression, needs people to understand what they are going through and help them recover. Being alone only aggravates the condition.

These are only a few reasons why social health have been receiving more and more recognition as a vital determinant of one's general health. Health includes healthy social relationships for complete mental health.

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Marriage Relationships

Marriage is regarded as a spiritual as well as an intimate bond between two people. In other words, it is a relationship between two people with two separate sets of views and feelings. In contrast to unmarried people who may be cohabiting, divorced, or single, married people enjoy many benefits in the form of higher degree of happiness, better physical and mental health, and improved financial position. But, a marriage relationship becomes fruitful only when the husband and wife face all challenges together, whether it is personal challenges, problems regarding raising children, dealing with family members, financial problems, or other daily pressures of life.

Good marriage relationships are generally marked by honesty. They are based on a foundation of agreement, made up of commitment, honor, love, moral ethics and sacrifice. When a couple steps into marriage, it is important to understand that both of them owe obligations of mutual understanding, care and fidelity to each other. Requisites for a healthy marriage life also include matching up of couple's ages, characters, lifestyles and views.

In order to build lasting marriage relationships, it is important to observe effective communication, mutual trust, ability to overcome problems together, and giving each other the attention and respect that both deserve. It is advisable to spend some time with your spouse, either by doing exercise or taking leisurely walks together. It is also equally important to have sexual intimacy, as it can deepen marriage relationships. Above all, an ideal couple must have the ability to compromise on issues such as career, finance and children. Practices including date nights help to sustain an intimate bond between the two.

To ensure healthy maintenance of marriage relationships, counseling programs or pre-marriage courses become relevant. At present, a lot of counseling firms provide special courses and programs for marriage help, love advice, relationship advice, relationship challenges, relationship counseling, relationship forums, relationship help, relationship problems and relationship skills. With the introduction of the Internet, online counseling has also become popular.

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Who's Who In Mental Health Service - GPs, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, CPNs And Allied Therapists

When a person is experiencing psychological or emotional difficulties (hereafter called "mental health problems"), they may well attend their GP. The GP will interview them and based on the nature and severity of the persons symptoms may either recommend treatment himself or refer the person on to a specialist. There can seem a bewildering array of such specialists, all with rather similar titles, and one can wonder as to why they've been referred to one specialist rather than another. In this article I give an outline of the qualifications, roles and typical working styles of these specialists. This may be of interest to anyone who is about to, or already seeing, these specialists.

The General Practitioner

Although not a mental health specialist, the GP is a common first contact for those with mental health problems. A GP is a doctor who possesses a medical degree (usually a five-year course) and has completed a one-year "pre-registration" period in a general hospital (six-months on a surgical ward and six-months on a medical ward as a "junior house officer"). Following this a GP has completed a number of six-month placements in various hospital-based specialities - typical choices include obstetrics and gynaecology, paediatrics, psychiatry and/or general medicine. Finally, a year is spent in general practice as a "GP registrar" under the supervision of a senior GP. During this period, most doctors will take examinations to obtain the professional qualification of the Royal College of General Practitioners ("Member of the Royal College of General Practitioners", or MRCGP). Others qualifications, such as diplomas in child health, may also be obtained.

The GP is thus a doctor with a wide range of skills and experience, able to recognise and treat a multitude of conditions. Of course the necessity of this wide range of experience places limits on the depth of knowledge and skills that they can acquire. Therefore, if a patient's condition is rare or, complicated, or particularly severe and requiring hospital-based treatment, then they will refer that patient on to a specialist.

Focusing on mental health problems it will be noted that whilst the majority of GP's have completed a six-month placement in psychiatry, such a placement is not compulsory for GP's. However, mental health problems are a common reason for attending the GP and, subsequently, GP's tend to acquire a lot of experience "on the job".

Most GP's feel able to diagnose and treat the common mental health problems such as depression and anxiety. The treatments will typically consist of prescribing medication (such as antidepressants or anxiolytics) in the first instance. If these are ineffective, alternative medication may be tried, or they may refer the patient to a specialist. GP's are more likely to refer a patient to a specialist immediately if their condition is severe, or they are suicidal, or they are experiencing "psychotic" symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions.

The Psychiatrist

This is a fully qualified doctor (possessing a medical degree plus one year pre-registration year in general hospital) who has specialised in the diagnosis and treatment of mental health problems. Most psychiatrists commence their psychiatric training immediately following their pre-registration year and so have limited experience in other areas of physical illness (although some have trained as GP's and then switched to psychiatry at a later date). Psychiatric training typically consists of a three-year "basic" training followed by a three year "specialist training". During basic training, the doctor (as a "Senior House Officer" or SHO) undertakes six-month placements in a variety of psychiatric specialities taken from a list such as; General Adult Psychiatry, Old Age Psychiatry (Psychogeriatrics), Child and Family Psychiatry, Forensic Psychiatry (the diagnosis and treatment of mentally ill offenders), Learning Disabilities and the Psychiatry of Addictions. During basic training, the doctor takes examinations to obtain the professional qualification of the Royal College of Psychiatrists ("Member of the Royal College of Psychiatrists" or MRCPsych).

After obtaining this qualification, the doctor undertakes a further three-year specialist-training placement as a "Specialist Registrar" or SpR. At this point the doctor chooses which area of psychiatry to specialise in - General Adult Psychiatry, Old Age Psychiatry etc - and his placements are selected appropriately. There are no further examinations, and following successful completion of this three-year period, the doctor receives a "Certificate of Completion of Specialist Training" or CCST. He can now be appointed as a Consultant Psychiatrist.

The above is a typical career path for a psychiatrist. However, there are an increasing number of job titles out with the SHO-SpR-Consultant rubric. These include such titles as "Staff Grade Psychiatrist" and "Associate Specialist in Psychiatry". The doctors with these titles have varying qualifications and degrees of experience. Some may possess the MRCPsych but not the CCST (typically, these are the Associate Specialists); others may possess neither or only part of the MRCPsych (many Staff Grades).

Psychiatrists of any level or job title will have significant experience in the diagnosis and treatment of people with mental health difficulties, and all (unless themselves a consultant) will be supervised by a consultant.

Psychiatrists have particular skill in the diagnosis of mental health problems, and will generally be able to provide a more detailed diagnosis (i.e. what the condition is) and prognosis (i.e. how the condition changes over time and responds to treatment) than a GP. The psychiatrist is also in a better position to access other mental health specialists (such as Psychologists and Community Psychiatric Nurses or CPNs) when needed. They also have access to inpatient and day patient services for those with severe mental health problems.

The mainstay of treatment by a psychiatrist is, like with GP's, medication. However, they will be more experienced and confident in prescribing from the entire range of psychiatric medications - some medications (such as the antipsychotic Clozapine) are only available under psychiatric supervision and others (such as the mood-stabiliser Lithium) are rarely prescribed by GP's without consulting a psychiatrist first.

A psychiatrist, as a rule, does not offer "talking treatments" such as psychotherapy, cognitive therapy or counselling. The latter may be available "in-house" at the GP surgery - some surgeries employ a counsellor to whom they can refer directly.

Psychologists and allied mental health staff typically provide the more intensive talking therapies. Some senior mental health nurses and CPNs will have been trained in specific talking therapies. It is to a Psychologist or a trained nurse that a psychiatrist will refer a patient for talking therapy. These therapies are suitable for certain conditions and not for others - generally, conditions such as Schizophrenia and psychosis are less appropriate for these therapies than the less severe and more common conditions such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, phobia(s) and addictions. In many cases, a patient will be prescribed both medication and a talking therapy - thus they may be seen by both a therapist and a psychiatrist over the course of their treatment.

The Psychologist

A qualified clinical psychologist is educated and trained to an impressive degree. In addition to a basic degree in Psychology (a three year course) they will also have completed a PhD ("Doctor of Philosophy" or "Doctorate") - a further three-year course involving innovative and independent research in some aspect of psychology. They will also be formally trained in the assessment and treatment of psychological conditions, although with a more "psychological" slant than that of psychiatrists. Psychologists do not prescribe medication. They are able to offer a wide range of talking therapies to patients, although they typically specialise and become expert in one particular style of therapy. The therapies a particular psychologist will offer may vary from a colleague, but will usually be classifiable under the title of Psychotherapy (e.g. Analytic Psychotherapy, Transactional Analysis, Emotive therapy, Narrative therapy etc) or Cognitive Therapy (e.g. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) etc).

The Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN)

These are mental health trained nurses that work in the community. They will have completed a two or three year training programme in mental health nursing - this leads to either a diploma or a degree, depending on the specific course. They are not usually "general trained", meaning their experience of physical illness will be limited. Following completion of the course they will have spent a variable amount of time in placements on an inpatient psychiatric unit - this time can range from twelve months to several years. They can then apply to be a CPN - they are required to show a good knowledge and significant experience of mental health problems before being appointed.

CPNs are attached to Community Mental Health Teams and work closely with psychiatrists, psychologists and other staff. They offer support, advice and monitoring of patients in the community, usually visiting them at home. They can liaise with other mental health staff on behalf of the patient and investigate other support networks available (such as the mental health charities).

Some CPNs will be formally trained in one or more "talking therapies", usually a cognitive therapy such as CBT (see "Allied Therapists" below).

"Allied" Therapists

Many "talking therapies" are offered by non-psychologists - for example, mental health nurses and mental health occupational therapists can undertake a training course in a cognitive therapy like CBT. After successful completion of the course, the nurse will be qualified and able to offer CBT to patients. The length and intensity of these courses can vary dramatically, depending on the type of therapy and the establishment providing the course. Some are intensive, full-time one or two week courses; others are part-time and can extend over months and years. Perhaps a typical course will be one or two days a week for two to three months. Formal educational qualifications are not necessary to undertake these courses, and they are open to "lay" people with little or no experience of the NHS mental health services. Of course this is not necessarily a problem - it may even be considered a positive point!

Some of those therapists thus qualified will offer their skills as part of their work in the NHS - for instance, a nurse or CPN may offer cognitive therapy to a patient that has been referred by a psychiatrist. Unfortunately this is relatively rare at the moment, presumably due to the reluctance of the NHS to pay for such training for their staff. As a result these therapies are more accessible on a private basis.

Summary

An individual with psychological difficulties will normally attend their GP in the first instance. The GP will usually have encountered similar problems with other patients and can offer a diagnosis and appropriate treatment. If the condition is unusual or particularly severe, the GP can refer the patient to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is able to access a wider range of treatments (medications and hospital care) and can, if necessary, recruit other mental health professionals to help the patient. This system perhaps works best with the severely mentally ill such as those with psychotic symptoms or who are suicidal.

The Mental Health Services in the NHS are generally less well suited to those with psychological problems of a less severe nature - the moderately depressed, the anxious, the phobic etc. The availability of "talking therapies" is limited in the NHS, with long waiting lists or even no provision at all in some areas. This appears to be due both to the cost of training staff appropriately and the time-intensive nature of these therapies.

For those with such conditions, the main option is to seek help outside the NHS. There are some voluntary organisations that offer free counselling for specific problems such as bereavement or marital/relationship difficulties, but more intensive therapies (such as CBT or NLP) are typically fee based. Your GP or local Community Mental Health Team may be able to recommend a local private therapist.

Karen is a mental health occupational therapist whose background is working in the NHS mental-health system. Karen practices privately in Hertfordshire, where she employs NLP and Hypnotherapy techniques to help people with emotional, psychological and behavioural problems. For more information about NLP, Herts visit http://www.karenhastings.co.uk

Relationship Advice - How to Improve Intimacy

A relationship requires intimacy. I don't think anyone would argue with that. However, what intimacy means to women and what it means to men can be two different things. The ironic thing is, both sexes need intimacy in both of it's forms to have a solid relationship.

When a woman thinks of intimacy, she generally wants to begin with emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy depends primarily on trust and frequently involves individuals discussing their feelings and emotions with each other in order to gain understanding and offer mutual support. It is necessary for human beings to have this form of intimacy on a regular basis for them to develop and maintain good mental health. When a woman says, 'Let's talk first,' she is not being coy or playing hard to get. A woman needs to feel an emotional bond before sex begins. Ok, I hear you saying, 'Women have sex with strangers, what about that?' Sure, a woman can have sex without the emotional bond, however, for a lasting relationship, this emotional bond must be present. Feeling emotionally attached to your partner takes the physical intimacy to a level that simple sex cannot achieve.

For a man, intimacy generally means physical intimacy. That is how they feel close to their partner. That does not mean they do not have an emotional connection, because for a lasting relationship, this is required. However, aside from sex as simply sex, men also need the physical intimacy to feel loved Sex alone is not enough. The emotional connection must be there for it to be meaningful. Performing without feeling will not meet a man's needs on this level.

Physical intimacy, on the other hand, does not always mean sex. Women generally like to start with hugging, kissing, and other forms of physical intimacy before sex begins. Men also enjoy these things, however, to feel connected to their partner men usually need sex too. Men and women are really looking for the same thing. It is their approach that differs. We all want to feel connected. Women place more importance on the emotional connection and men on the physical, but both are required by everyone. Here are a few suggestions that can make your connection with your partner stronger and build intimacy on every level.

Men, take the time to talk, hold hands, hug, kiss, connect to your women. When she says, 'I'm not in the mood,' it is because you haven't taken the time to do these things. This doesn't mean walk up, say hi, give her a hug and kiss, and start groping. Instead, try this approach, ask her about her day, care about her feelings and discuss them. Hold her hand or put your arm around her as you talk. Give her a hug and kiss here and there without expecting more. When she is talked out, she will usually be as ready for physical intimacy as you are. Discussing your feelings with her will build trust between you and create a strong emotional bond.

Women, if you are in a committed, long-term relationship, understand that men need sex to continue to feel connected to you. Refusing a man is the same thing as a slap in the face. This doesn't mean you have to perform every time he demands it. Far from it. Explain to him what you need to be in the mood for sex. Men do not always understand a women's needs because they have never been told. Often times, once a man understands, he will try to give you what you need. Remember, too long without sex erodes a man's belief that you love him.

Intimacy is one of the most important things in a relationship. Understanding how to meet your partner's needs is the first step in building a strong, long-lasting relationship that both of you will be happy with.

©2005 Patricia Fason

Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is relationships. To read more of her work, visit Sites O Web Romances You There you will find relationship articles, poetry, romantic gifts and other tools to keep romance alive in your relationship.