Relationship Addicts - Finding the Cure

Yes, there are many types of addicts in this world we have today. Not all addicts are addicted to some type of drug. If you have been in and out of relationships, if you suffer great emotional pain when a relationship ends, if you fell lost and incomplete when you are not in a relationship, then you may be a "relationship addict". This is not to be taken lightly, as it can greatly affect your emotional health, your self-esteem and the way in which you cope with all aspects of your personal life. Work, other family members, friends and yes, you, will all be affected negatively by this addiction.

The great majority of people, (woman more so than men), at some point in their life reach the point of craving a strong and loving relationship. When this craving gets out of control, this can be very detrimental. One must first look to the reasons of why this craving may be so strong. The next step is to identify the elements that show an addiction to relationships. Once this has been done, one can then effectively overcome this obstacle, if one truly desires to escape the emotional Hell of being addicted.

Woman are taught from a young age, that finding true love is the ultimate goal. Even with "woman's lib" in the equation, we are bombarded at a young age of timeless and enchanting love stories. Cinderella gets swept away from her lonely and poor life by a wonderful, handsome prince. Snow White is sent away from an unhappy existence and finds herself happy and content, only for her happiness to increase when the love of her life dramatically finds her and takes her off to live happily ever after. Belle, finds herself in love with the "Beast", and she has a wonderful romantic ending also. The list is endless. Television shows, love movies, romance novels and the media's attention to famous celebrities in love only add to our dream of finding "the one".

Reality is quite an extreme to the fantasy world of love. Reality shows us that love does not come easily. Most often one must enter and exit many relationships before finding the one wonderful connection. One must also entertain the thought that even once finding the person we believe that we will go through life together with, the overall divorce rate seems to rise every day, offering us absolutely no guarantees of a lifetime successful relationship.

When the craving for a relationship overtakes our life that is when one can be considered a "relationship addict". What are the signs? There are many, we will touch on the most common, keeping in mind that these will all have difference variances depending on the individual involved.

If you fall in love very quickly, this can point to a problem of craving a relationship to an extreme. It takes an extraordinary amount of time, patience and understanding to truly know another and reach the point of having strong and true love. If you find yourself falling in love very quickly, this can mean that you are not actually falling in love with another person, but you may be in love with the idea of being in love.

If you also fall out of love quickly, this can show that you have no tolerance to anything that you deem "less than perfect". One must realize that no relationship is perfect. If you leave someone at for a reason that is not substantiated whatsoever, you may be searching for a relationship ideal that does not exist. Caught in the fantasy of finding your "prince", a mere mortal man simply won't do.

If in your moments of being single, you find your life almost unbearable, this can also be a very severe sign that you are a relationship addict. If unable to function properly without a man in your life, one can seem to fall apart emotionally. Depending on a man to fix all of your problems, sweep you off your feet and love you forever is a wonderful thought, however it most probably is not going to happen in the fantasy way that you hope for. When the imminent breakups follow, you feel betrayed, lost and angry that you did not receive that love that you felt you deserved. What do you do? If you immediately go out and seek another lover, you are a relationship addict.

When you are single and searching, if you find that you have an extreme empty feeling inside yourself, this may be another sign. If is, of course, quite normal for a single person to feel lonely, to wish for a strong and healthy relationship and have a goal of finding a lover. However, if in the moments that there is no man in your life and you look to other means to fill the empty feeling that is also a clear sign of being a relationship addict. Overeating is a very common replacement to cure the lonely blues. One may also indulge in unhealthy habits, such as smoking more cigarettes than usual, using illegal drugs or going on shopping binges. Any activity that you do not display when in a relationship and it is detrimental to your health, finances or emotional wellbeing is a warning flag.

If a person recognizes these signs and admits to being a relationship addict, there are several steps that one can take to attempt to overcome this problem. As cliché' as it may sound, remember the saying " You came into this world alone, you will leave this world alone". People will encounter a large array of others throughout their life: Acquaintances, friends, lovers. Most of the people we meet along our journey will enter and at some point, they will leave. One must forget about the fairy tales of princes and accept the reality of which we live in.

In sustaining a relationship, one must take into consideration that no other person on the God given Earth is perfect. If hoping to find a perfect mate, you will remain in an endless cycle. This is not to say that one should lower their standards, or enter into a relationship with someone who does not display all of the qualities we seek in a mate. The important key is that one is realistic of the qualities that they desire for their mate to possess.

If you are replacing a man with bad and damaging habits, it may help to understand that there is nothing wrong, stereotyping or nor is it deemed as "less than acceptable" to be single. When one is single, it presents a terrific opportunity to focus on their life, their work, their health, their emotional growth. Do not look at this time as an "in-between" time, rather look at it for what it is: A phase of your life in which you are being self-sufficient and in control of your own life.

If one has patience, a realistic outlook and high self-esteem, one places themselves in a fantastic position. When the right person comes along, your physical and emotional health will be optimal, thus allowing you to enjoy the relationship that ensues. If the relationship falters, and you do not allow yourself to be a relationship addict, you will be able to deal with the situation, hold your head high and go back to being singles without feeling shame. Take pride in whatever life you have created for yourself. While we will always seek out and notice people in better situations, we usually fail to recognize those that are less fortunate than we are. Be grateful of what you do have, and be realistic of the goals you set for yourself.

Written by Alisa Chagon, webmaster and sole writer of http://www.lovebulletin.com