The best relationships have boundaries that provide safety for both parties. The same is true about your relationships with your readers. How close do you want to be to your readers? How much will you reveal about yourself as a person or a fellow sufferer? Do you want a formal or informal relationship with your audience?
1. Do you want a formal relationship with your readers?
You may feel more comfortable with a formal relationship with your readers in which you maintain a clear distance between you. The roles are clearly defined: Your reader has the problem and you, as the expert, have the answer. At no time is will you discuss your personal struggles, except in the rare occasion that you discuss challenges you've faced professionally in diagnosing and treating the problem. You will use more formal pronouns like "you" and "them" and "him" and "her."
For example, you may be a physician who successfully treats certain kinds of cancer but have never had cancer yourself. You would not be able to tell about your personal struggle with the disease. Unless you wanted to maintain a thoroughly formal relationship, you would also omit any stories about how your patients have impacted you. However, you might decide to set your boundaries towards informality a little bit and reveal your motivation for picking this specialty and how your life has been changed through your professional calling.
It's possible to create a warm and supportive atmosphere in a formal relationship, but this will take effort since it's easy to come off as an authoritarian rather than being an expert who is approachable and understanding.
2. Do you want an informal relationship with your readers?
On the other end of the continuum is an informal relationship in which there is only one identifiable difference between you and the reader-you are the author and your reader isn't. Other than the fact that you've taken time to write your book, you are one of the gang, a fellow-sufferer or addict or survivor or scrap-booker or bird watcher. Your writing will use familiar pronouns like "us" and "we" and "me" and "you."
There's a danger, however, in completely leveling the playing field. You may undermine any confidence a reader may have in you, rendering your advice irrelevant. It takes effort to balance your identification with the problem with solid credibility.
3. Do you want a relationship that is somewhere in between?
Along the continuum are various degrees of formality and informality-which is probably where you'll land on this issue. I've changed my relationship with my readership over the years. When I started my writing career, I was a mental health professional and I had some ambivalence about writing popular self-help books. In my first book, When Helping You Is Hurting Me, I positioned myself as a therapist and provided stories about my clients who struggled with burnout. I used a more formal tone. The book has sold well, and I'm proud of it.
But, if I wrote that same book today, I would present myself as someone who struggles with caregiver burnout rather than as act like this is someone else's problem. The books I write now are much more informal and I am more vulnerable to my audience. But I don't write "tell all" books exposing all of my private experiences. I keep a distance between myself and my readers that is comfortable for me.
It's Your Decision
You needn't follow the same path I have taken. It's important for you to feel secure with the boundaries you set in this relationship. If it isn't authentic to you, the reader will pick up on your discomfort and feel uncomfortable as well.
I also don't want to give you the impression that informal relationships are superior to formal ones. You don't have to have an informal relationship to create good rapport with your readers. This can be accomplished whether you're the medical expert explaining new treatments for cancer or the person who has fought against the disease.
A strong relationship is the result of having clear boundaries that work for you and your reader. There isn't right or wrong degree of distance between you and your readers. Some readers want to read books written by experts and others want to read books by someone exactly like themselves. No matter how you set your boundaries, you won't be able to engage everyone. Create boundaries that are comfortable for you and you'll have a much better chance at attracting readers who can benefit from your book.
This article is Part 2 in a 4 Part series on how to write a bestseller. In Part 3 of this series, How to Set the Emotional Tone of Your Book, you will learn how to draw readers to your writing and create a solid fan base.
For a FREE copy of my newest workboook, Make Your Hook Sizzle and Sell, a $17 value go to http://www.carmenberry.com/Carmen-Berry-Free-Download.html
Carmen Berry, MSW is a New York Times bestselling author who authored, co-authored and ghost written over 20 books with top publishers including Simon & Schuster, HarperCollins, and Penguin. She has taught aspiring authors how to get published for 10 years. Her coaching draws, not only from her successes, but also from the many mistakes she has made during her 25-year writing career. As a result, her clients can avoid making common-sense blunders that many first-time authors make. It's okay to be a first-time author as long as you don't act like an amateur. She works with aspiring writers who love helping people such as mental health professionals, educators, medical professionals, pastors, fitness experts and craft enthusiasts. What could this same kind of success mean to your career?
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