Depression - Mental CPR - A Different Approach

"Into each life a little rain must fall", is a saying that everyone is familiar with, but how each person handles it reflects their state of mind. The normal person will either take out an umbrella or run for cover. Those with depression will stand in a puddle soaking wet, looking down at the ground and oblivious as to what actions to take.

I will state up front that I am not a psychiatrist, but I am a proponent of life and self mastery. Depression is a subject that touches everyone's life. Either we have at some time suffered from it or we know a family member or friend that is or has been depressed. The medical profession list the causes as either biological, or genetic, age, health, gender, trauma, stress or the interaction with other medications.

The common form of treatment for depression is medication, however there are many things that can be effective in dealing with depression. I personally feel that treatment by prescribed medication just masks the problem with only short term effects. If anyone is serious about dealing with this condition then they must come to grips with the cause. I find it counter intuitive to treat depression with medicines while advocating such things as getting a pet, changing your diet, eliminating caffeine, dealing with pain, exercising, support groups, sunlight, hobbies, mental relaxation, eliminating alcohol, and maintaining a circle of friends and family.

It is my opinion that while there may be the occasional person who suffers from a chemical imbalance the majority of depressed people are conflicted as a result of a "mental fog." It is a mental fog caused by feelings of low self esteem and the lack of a call to action. The denser the fog the deeper the depression. Low self esteem coupled with the inability to see a way out of their current situation spurs a self defense mechanism of ignoring their problems and escaping into a different reality.

All the above listed causes for depression share a commonality to humans. While most are able to resolve their problems others fail to cope, usually at an earlier age, and as a result there will come a time when their psyche shuts down and they find solace by opting out of the daily demands of life. Take gender for example. It has been determined that women suffer from depression more then men. This should not be surprising since overall women have more demands placed on them than men. Genetic reasons for depression may have its roots in science, however I believe that the majority of those diagnosed are more as a result of environmental observation. Growing up in a household with someone who suffers from depression can have a strong influence on a child. The fact that a role model does not have the ability to solve problems can easily be passed on to a child. If that child also has some issues that cause low self esteem, then over time there may come a point in their life where an "Instance" is the genesis of their depression. The continuous build up of problems can eventually take their toll on an individual and those with weaker coping abilities will succumb to finding a different reality. These pressures and stress points are more prevalent today as evidenced by the increase of suicide among the young and soldiers serving in the armed services.

While I can appreciate some of the treatments advocated for helping those that are depressed, I cannot help but feel that the emphasis on this subject is being solely approached as a medical problem rather than as a social problem. There is efficacy to what they advocate but it is merely a blanket to cover the underlying reasons some can cope and others cannot. Instructions on what to eat, and advice on getting a pet and eliminating alcohol etc. is all well and good but what is truly needed is to educate on the topic of coping and problem solving. Once an individual understands that they have the ability to diffuse any problem and master self control then they have at their disposal the weapon to eliminate fear, frustration, low self esteem and any other emotion that is a cancer to their personality. What is unfortunate is that one has to undo the mindset that had developed from an early age until the time when the mental fog set in. Once an individual absorbs a new mind set then depression is lifted and though life will continue to test their resolve, they will view it as opportunity to take control.

You may be thinking to yourself, that all sounds nice but how do I go about achieving self-mastery? The answer to that is to travel the right path by educating yourself. Although self-mastery is a separate, very encompassing topic I am including it here since it has a bearing on eliminating depression.

These are a few of the topics to help put you on the right path:

1 The relationship between the conscious, self conscious, and super conscious mind.

2 The power of thought.

3 Understanding vibrations.

4 The power of belief and desire.

5 The Law of Polarity.

This is not an totally inclusive list but it will help get anyone started toward a better way of life. One that develops a more harmonious balance within yourself and your relationships. The action itself of reading materials relating to these topics will also have a cathartic benefit. It is my hope that in the future the educational system will play a greater role in the development of those skills that are essential in dealing and coping with real life conflicts.

If you wish to get a better understanding of your mind and emotions
visit me at my sites http://mental-cpr.com and http://angermangementhelpnow.com

Depression Can Be Reversed With A Strong Relationship

There's only one thing worse than being in the midst of a depression. That is being in a relationship with someone who is displaying signs of depression. Watching them go through the stages of depression darkness are tough. Many relationships end as a result of this because it begins to take a toll on both individuals. One of the effects of depression is irrational thoughts. These thoughts blind the individual to the truth of what's around them. They only see the negative, not the positive, things. But depression can be reversed with a strong relationship.

Your presence in the midst of the struggle with depression carries more weight than it appears at the time. Many times the depressed person appears to push you to leave them, yet that's the last thing they really want. They want you to be there and even to help them come out of 'the hole' if you can.

The first step you can take to help them is to get some education. Begin to investigate and research their mental disorder. Try to assess the cause. They may have lost a job and are unsure of how they'll care for themselves and their family. They may be feeling like a failure and withdrawing seems easier than facing a rejecting world. They may have lost a loved one and are feeling guilty about something concerning that individual. Several things may have happened all at once leaving them feeling overwhelmed and their only coping mechanism is to turn inward. There are lots of reasons they're in a state of depression. Once it has started, it can certainly snowball even if you're in a strong relationship.

The second step is to take care of yourself, as well as your partner, in this situation. Depression can be contagious. You don't want to start exhibiting the same signs as you're seeing in your mate. If you do, don't waste any time seeing a counselor or psychologist. If both of you are in a state of depression, no one will be available to pull either of you out. When you feel yourself becoming too consumed by the overall weight of the depression of your partner, take a step back and regroup. You must preserve your own mental health if you are to be available for your mate.

The failure of previous relationships can sometimes contribute to depression. When one relationship has failed, the individual may assume that all subsequent relationships are doomed, as well. Then they begin to subconsciously do things to fulfill the prophecy of all doomed relationships. If this is your situation, you need to get some relationship counseling immediately. Seek relationship advice from trained professionals as much as you possibly can.

Lastly, and most importantly, don't give up. You have to know within yourself that you are making a difference and that you are helping them, no matter what it actually looks like. There are only a few things more powerful than what can result from the unified efforts in a strong relationship. Depression may be hard to overcome, but it can be done when the one you love depends on you. I'm a living witness depression can be reversed with a strong relationship.

Though it is a serious issue, depression can be reversed [http://relationshiprecovery-howtowinmyexback.com/blog] with a strong relationship and much love. Many things come to test the strength of our relationship, love and commitment. None of these things are stronger than love. Arlissa Pinkelton has written lots of articles on the topic of Relationships. Check them out and see what else you can find about how to help your mate deal with serious issues.

Treat Yourself to Depression, Anxiety, Or Other Mental Illness Today

Earlier tonight, I was watching some of the vandalism and violence that happened in St. Paul, MN today. I had a sudden revelation: "People are crazy." It's a thought that brought much comfort to me, because I too have been diagnosed with various mental illnesses.

After my revelation, I thought of myself. To people who know me well, I'm regarded as kind, decent, honest, ethical, fair, and generous. I'm speaking in general terms - no one thinks I'm perfect, not even me. There are, however, also a few people who know me and see ugly character traits. Some adjectives and adverbs that have been used against me are: weak, cowardly, lazy, weird, odd, strange, and overly-impulsive.

After thinking of myself, I reached outward and thought of businessmen who cheat and embezzle; I thought of employers who overwork and underpay their employees; I thought of politicians who lie and call their colleagues names in the hopes of winning a contest; I thought of glamorous celebrities who covet money and fame, who forget where the source of their money and fame originated; I thought of corporations and advertisers who deceive consumers to exploit them; I thought of doctors who over-charge and over-prescribe medications to patients -- some patients desperate for help and relief -- with reckless regard for their patients' physical or mental health, and doctors who don't lose sleep because they don't ponder on the consequences of the poor and apathetic treatment they "give" patients.

Of those people I mentioned in the previous paragraph, it's only a small minority who have committed indecent, unethical or immoral acts. The large majority of them are truly good people who genuinely desire to make lives better, or people who conduct their business honorably. But I feel confident to state as fact that almost all of the bad apples from that bushel have never been diagnosed with a mental illness.

If you have a mental illness, maintain your integrity, morals, ethics, and honesty. You'll be much more successful in the end. At some later time, when you stand before God -- or a mirror -- you can be proud that you only have a mental illness. You can be proud that while you may be financially bankrupt, you're not morally bankrupt. If you're depressed and don't have the energy or motivation to make dinner on time, be proud that the food you'll cook later isn't stolen, and that you haven't deprived a poverty-stricken family of a meal. If you're socially inept, be proud that you don't lie, and that you don't attempt to obtain money through deception on the few occasions when you interact with people.

Treat yourself to depression, anxiety, or other mental illness today -- there are many alternatives to mental illness, and there are many people who have chosen to commit acts that violate the rights, health, and lives of other people. Corrupt people have the benefit of exercising free will. In many cases of mental illness, people don't have the luxury of making easy choices in how to function, or their coping skills and daily functioning are impaired to the point where it's impossible to function "normally."

When compared to others who have been diagnosed with a mental illness, I consider myself fortunate. My cognitive skills are quite good, which means that with continued cognitive behavioral therapy, there is hope of my continued improvement over what ails me. I'm fortunate because much of my distorted thinking comes from my early childhood development. In the past, I was exposed to abuse, neglect, abandonment, emotional trauma, and massive instability. All these things shaped my views on life and relationships. Because they occurred while I was still developing, much of my distorted views are deeply ingrained, but they aren't insurmountable obstacles, nor do they define me or place limitations on my potential capabilities.

In my personal experience with psychiatrists, they do nothing -- or next to nothing - to determine if a cause is more biological than situational or environmental. For instance, no doctor has ever ordered any type of brain scan or a sleep study. Perhaps if I had requested them, and if I had the money or good insurance, it would have been done. But until some doctor proves that my "mental illness" is a direct result of my brain operating incorrectly due to biology, I will continue to believe I can outsmart my mental illness. In the meantime though, I'll continue to be a social nitwit, have a crazy sleeping schedule, and be a poor housekeeper.

Whether or not one's mental illness is based on biology or environmental and situational factors, what I've written here is relevant. You have faults. I have faults. Humans all have faults. Make a new rule in your life: if you're talking with someone and you know that a criticism is imminent, tell him that before he points out your faults, he must first submit a list of his own. Jesus had a similar emphatic suggestion, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

I say that's good advice whether you believe in Jesus or not.

And here's another emphatic suggestion from me: don't waste your energy being ashamed of yourself. Focus on all your good qualities instead. Which of your qualities matters more in the grand scheme of the universe: your good ones or your bad? You won't eliminate the guilt and shame overnight, but keep reminding yourself anyway. Gradually, you'll develop an acceptance. You seldom ever just accept something, but over time you can develop an acceptance.

I'll admit my suggestion isn't as succinct or profound as Jesus's, but I'm only human.

See Also: Some turn violent in GOP convention protests

By Andy Alt / Mental Dimensions
http://mentaldimensions.wordpress.com/
Depression and mental health theme, with humor, comedy, farce and rants, combined with occasional doses of sincerity
This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License

Depression and Relationships

Depression is a toxic soup of negative emotions that extends for a longer than expected period of time. Many people who struggle with depression cannot feel emotions such as joy, pleasure, or grief. They have become numb and colorless. Depression is much like a vampire sucking the life blood dry until only a shell of the once enthusiastic vibrant person exists. In this informational article titled "Depression and Relationships" we will explore the many faces of depression in relationships.

 

Relationships are a delicate balance between feelings and ego. These intricate personal interactions are totally reliant on how you relate to others. The most common characteristics of depression in relationships are withdrawal and avoidance. Other common characteristics are irritability and overly critical behavior.

 

Let's see how this might look in the Smith household.

 

Joe Smith has always been a loving family man but recently his emotions have started to get the best of him due to financial difficulties. Just the other day mild mannered Joe arrived home from work only to find his wife vacuuming rather than fixing dinner. Joe explodes, ranting and raving about dinner, noise, and getting a new wife that knows her place. Joe's wife Cindy is stunned. She has never heard her husband talk this way and decides to try to avoid a confrontation by simply apologizing. She tells Joe that she lost tract of time and it won't happen again. Joe simply ignores her apology and storms out of the house leaving her in tears. End

 

Most people reading the story above think that situations like the one above only happen to other people. Perhaps you know someone who has been acting out of character lately. So let's explore a number of ways depression affects relationships and see whether any of the bullet points might remind you of someone you know.

 

* Recently, I just can't seem to be as compassionate as normal

* Is it my imagination or are my friends and family avoiding me

* I seem to be becoming more reclusive even though it's really not in my nature

* I haven't been able to live up to the expectations of others

* My desire for intimacy is almost nonexistent

* There is no one that cares or understands me

* I have never felt more alone

* I am looking old and tired

* My temper is getting worse and my fuse is getting shorter

* There just isn't anyone to talk to about my problems

 

Depressed people normally go one of two ways, either they withdraw or become irritable and aggressive. Which ever way they go it makes depression and relationships a difficult matter to handle, especially for the people closest to them. If you know someone whose personality has changed for the worst and you suspect that depression might be the primary driver of their behavior then convincing them to get help would be the right thing to do.

 

Additionally, many people with mild to moderate depression are looking for affordable answers that don't involve extended therapy sessions or expensive prescription drugs. For these individuals natural depression remedies could are options worth considering. Many of the more popular remedies for depression are herbal blends which are very safe and have shown to be effective in both promoting and maintaining emotional and mental health.

R.D. Hawkins is an enthusiastic advocate of alternative natural health products and supplements with over 10 years experience. To learn more about homeopathic natural health visit Purchase Remedies.com

Men and Depression - How to Help a Depressed Man and Keep Your Relationship Strong

What? Men don't get depressed? Of course we do, but we tend to hide it well.

Men tend to deal with depression differently than women and may show different signs that they are depressed. Depression is often a hidden problem with men, since many men tend to suffer in silence, rather than talking about their feelings.

And that can lead to relationship problems.

Historically, depression has been thought of as mostly a problem for women, but now we know that depression is a problem for men, too. Depression in men may go undetected. In fact, men may not realize they are depressed, although they may recognize they are feeling stressed. And their health care providers often miss the telltale signs.

Depression is a normal part of life. Yet, if it goes unresolved, it can have a disastrous affect on personal functioning, relationships and careers. It can result in temporary personality changes, uncharacteristic bouts of anger and moodiness, create communication problems, spur conflict, and lead to relationship problems or marital distress. Thus, depression is a condition that must be recognized and treated for men to function on their highest level.

What Are The Signs?

1. Men who are depressed may suddenly become irritable and quick to anger. Non-aggressive men may become more aggressive and hostile.

2. Some may abuse alcohol or drugs, or turn to food for comfort, although some may eat less. It really depends on the person and his circumstances.

3. Some men may over-exercise, while others may stop.

4. One man may throw himself into a favorite hobby whereas a workaholic may become more dependent upon work ...while ignoring his relationships.

5. Men may show typical signs of depression, too, such as, feelings of fatigue and burn-out, sleep disturbances and decreased libido. Thought patterns may change; men may think more negatively and perceive the world in darker, more threatening ways. This can be a subtle change. Depressed men may start feeling anxious and worried, and respond poorly to daily problems or stress at work or home, either over-reacting or under-reacting.

Men may not discuss the way they are feeling with anyone, and may not recognize the changes themselves. As a result of societal conditioning, they tend not to talk about their stress with their friends, unlike women, who tend to get support from other women.

And the impact their depression can have on their family life and primary relationships is often nothing short of devastating.

Strategies for Helping A Depressed Man

First, if you notice that a man you care about is depressed, don't beat him over the head with your observations; be careful how you approach the subject, or you may make your relationship problems worse. You might try sharing your concern with him, mentioning that you have noticed one or two of his symptoms. Go gently ...and see if you can get him to open up about how he's feeling. Express your concern. Avoid being critical. Don't blame. Just listen and tell him how concerned you are.

Second, if you know someone the depressed man knows and respects, such as his father, pastor or best friend, suggest that he talk to that person. Or, you may enlist the help of a family member or close friend who has his ear.

Third, try to get him to see his doctor (or yours), and encourage him to talk to his doctor about his depressed feelings (maybe he needs to go for other reasons, too). The physician can make a referral for counseling or prescribe helpful anti-depressant medication, if needed.

Fourth, sometimes we men need a little prodding (and pampering). Be persistent and don't give up, as long as you proceed in a non-threatening manner. Remember, you want the man to view your efforts to help him as a sign of your deep-felt concern, rather than an attempt to nag or harass him. He won't end up feeling pressured by you if you always state your concern in non-demanding ways.

The way you say something is as important as what you say. Some sensitive men are hard to approach, but they tend to respond favorably when you talk to them in a direct, caring and gentle manner. Avoid allowing your body language or tone of voice to express anger or contempt.

Consider the impact depression can have on relationships, especially intimate ones. A man's marriage can suffer because of his depression, and he may not realize what's wrong. His wife will feel the impact, as well; so, his biggest support system may be compromised, which only compounds the problem.

Counseling

If you are in an intimate relationship with a depressed partner, it is often best to seek counseling. It is much easier and more effective to sit down with a trained relationship professional to discuss your relationship problems.

Counseling is one of the best ways to face and deal with depression. It can be just as effective as medication, if not more so. The combination of the two can be even more effective.

Sometimes depression can become quite serious and lead to other mental health issues. It is best to take it seriously.

Depression and Your Relationship

Without a doubt, the depression of one spouse can injure the other. And it can have a derogatory impact upon the relationship in general, giving both partners a sense of despair, and causing them to view the relationship in pessimistic terms.

Also, long-term depression can keep a relationship down. It is difficult for the non-depressed spouse to keep a positive attitude when he/she has to deal with an unhappy, sad or anxious spouse who has been depressed for a long time. Frequently, the spouse of the depressed person will blame himself/herself or interpret the depressed spouse's actions as a rejection.

Suggestions

Depressed men may not know they are depressed and may not recognize the signs, and often choose not to talk about the problem. Yet depression can have a derogatory affect on relationships, careers and all areas of life.

To help a depressed man, look for signs of depression, such as behavioral changes, and talk to the depressed man in a sympathetic way. Avoid allowing depression to remain in the closet. Give the man in your life, whether it be your husband, father, brother or friend, lots of support and encouragement. Establish communication about your concerns.

Depression can have a serious impact on your marriage, and can cause serious relationship problems.  Deal with it as a couple. Help your spouse get the help he needs. If there are problems in your relationship that are contributing to the depression, it is wise to address them. Don't allow depression to rob you of joy and happiness. Face it, find solutions and move on!

.

Richard Hamon is a dynamic coach and therapist with 30 years of professional experience. Richard helps people to solve their relationship problems, enjoy truly extraordinary marriages and find exceptional success in their lives.

You'll find all kinds of articles on how to spice up your relationships and lead a happier life at Richard's website, Happy-Relationships.com. Find out about personal coaching programs to assist you in quickly reaching your loftiest goals. Discover eBooks, relaxation CDs and other informative products, such as a free relationship quiz to help you assess your relationship.

For more information on conducting state-of-the-art relationships, the latest research on true happiness, and Richard's products and services, please go to: http://happy-relationships.com

Depression and Relationships - Overcoming the Depression of a Break Up

There are many causes for depression in individuals. It may result out of life stresses, grief, unresolved past traumas, toxic relationships, and/or issues in brain chemistry. One scenario that can contribute to feelings of the blues is a difficult break up. Perhaps you did not want it or initiate it; or if you did, you have mixed feelings about it.

Maybe the relationship was unhealthy, but the right intellectual decision isn't sitting with you emotionally. Whatever the case, lingering sadness, change of appetite, changes to sleep patterns, loss of enjoyment in activities, low energy, and anxious feelings can all be signs of depression. In severe cases, it may be necessary to use medications. However, for many people with milder cases, natural methods can be effective in addressing the depression symptoms. Here are 4 steps to easing the depression following a breakup:

1. Eat a healthy diet. Fresh fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains are a good start for most people. If you are struggling with a lack of appetite, try carrying around small bags full of healthy snack foods that you can eat throughout the day. If you tend to overeat, try setting a time at night to stop eating, and be sure you aren't consuming food while distracted, e.g. in front of the TV.

2. Use supplements and vitamins as appropriate. Your naturopath or other natural health care provider can help advise you on the best combination for you. Fish oil is an excellent promoter of brain health among other health benefits. A food based multivitamin is another good start. L-theanine is a good anti-anxiety supplement, and 5 HTP (hydroxytryptophan) is a natural antidepressant that increases levels of serotonin, a brain neurotransmitter involved in mood regulation.

3. Exercise regularly throughout the week. Create a doctor approved exercise program that is primarily built around cardiovascular workouts, as this promotes the release of endorphins. These feel good compounds are released during exercise that results in an elevated heart rate over a sustained period of time. Biking, swimming, running, dancing, the elliptical, and basketball are good options.

4. Talk things out with others. Talk with a counselor who specializes in the issues you are grappling with. A professional who is trained to offer guidance and feedback in helping you resolve your past can be invaluable. Friends and family can also be a huge support emotionally as you work through the emotions that are weighing you down.

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Depression and Relationships - The Good News About Feeling Bad

"...I've been depressed since my baby was born..."

"...I've been unhappy for years, but it got even worse when I lost my job..."

"...I keep thinking that if I'm just strong enough I can just get over it..."

Depression is often seen as an individual problem. But new research shows that in many cases, the best treatment for depression might be improving your relationship.

The Negative Spiral: Depression and Relationships

Depression, no matter what it's cause, is hard on relationships. For Ana, one of my clients, it started when she lost her job. She was bothered that Nick, her husband, was now the sole provider for their family. She wanted to contribute too. And the loss of meaningful work in her life took a toll on her self-esteem. Nick tried to cheer her up by pointing out her skills and abilities. But to Ana it felt like he didn't understand her inner struggle, and she got frustrated. She told Nick she needed some "space". Eventually Nick felt shut out and alone, and stopped trying. Ana felt alone with her moods and even more misunderstood.

This pattern is a common one. It's hard to know a loved one is depressed, and at some point most people will try to encourage and inspire them. But the person who feels depressed is often caught up in a complex and confusing mix of negative thoughts and feelings. Support, whether it's "cheering up" or helping out more, can start to feel like pressure and disapproval. Depression is often a mix of sadness and anger, plus guilt for not being able to "snap out of it". In a relationship, eventually neither person feels effective, and both feel depressed.

It's not only that depression affects relationships. The quality of your relationship is also a strong predictor of whether you will feel depressed. Distressed relationships create depression; good relationships buffer you from it. When a relationship is going well, most people feel appreciated, supported, and loved. When a relationship is distressed, most feel frustrated, anxious, and depressed. We respond to each other's moods in many ways. According to Michael Yapko, "our brains change in measurable ways in response to other people....depression is contagious (1).

A Growing Problem

Depression has become a worldwide problem. The World Health Organization estimates depression to be the fourth leading cause of suffering worldwide, and rising. A national study found that depression affects about 9% of the U.S. Population each year (2). Less than half of these people seek treatment, and most of those who do use medication. The possibility of a fast and easy cure has appeal. But while medication helps some people, recent research suggests that drugs commonly used to treat depression are about as effective as a placebo. Clearly new approaches are needed.

A Positive Spiral: Your Relationship can Improve Your Mood

While distressed relationships can fuel a downward spiral into depression, caring relationships can create a newer, positive cycle. This happened for Ana and Nick. As Ana understood that Nick's attempts to cheer her up were coming from a place of caring and concern, she felt more supported by him. The more Nick understood her struggle, the more he felt more motivated to help. During five months of counseling, I helped them create new, positive communication patterns that helped both of them feel more appreciated and cared for. They were able to share feelings on a deeper level than they had before and spent more time together. Even before Ana found a new job, they felt more like they were working as a team.

Small Steps

Small steps to build closeness can make a big difference in both your relationship and your mood. Here are a few ideas to get started:

Practice appreciation: Find a way to appreciate your partner in one small way every day. I ask my clients to keep an "appreciation journal" -- a small notepad located where both people will see it every day.



Practice having fun: Create moments of fun together every day. Cook dinner together, perhaps, or sip tea together before going to bed. Do something that makes you laugh. Get physical - take a walk, dance, or hug.



Focus on what matters most: Everyone has habits that can be annoying to someone else - one partner is messier, or less organized, or chronically late, or doesn't follow up on phone calls. Understand the



Couples Counseling helps many people reduce depression and increase intimacy (3). A counselor can provide a safe place to talk about difficult feelings; help both partners feel respected and understood; and help clarify and change stuck relationship patterns.

People in positive, supportive relationships recover more quickly from illness and trauma, have better immune functioning and physical health, and have more rewarding family lives. It's becoming clear that depression is more than an individual problem. It also affects, and is effected by, your relationship. Making positive changes in your relationship might be one of the best things you can do for your mood...and your health.

(1) Michael Yapko. (2009) Depression is Contagious. New York: Free Press.

(2) National Comorbidity Study, University of Michigan, 1998. U.S. Population ages 15-54.

(3) Johnson and Greenberg. 1985; Dessaulles, A., Johnson, S.M. & Denton, W. (2003) The treatment of clinical depression in the context of marital distress. American Journal of Family Therapy, 31, 345-353

Subscribe to my newsletter and get FREE high-quality articles on relationships delivered directly to your inbox. To subscribe, go to Couples Counseling Berkeley

Pat LaDouceur, MFT helps people build great relationships. She helps couples solve problems around sexuality, affairs, parenting, money, work overload, and emotional distance. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with an office near Berkeley, CA.

Repair Your Relationships When Dealing With Anxiety And Depression

Determining the connection between emotion and relationships
Digging deeper into your relationship
Using positive actions to strengthen your relationship
Handlings outcomes

It's no secret that as human beings we thrive on own social relationships. Even if we claim we aren't social at all. People tend to always have friends and family that they talk things out with, even if it's as simple talking about a trip to buy groceries. We function better with support. Our moods improve and our ability for our bodies to handle stress improves as well. So it should go without saying that every relationship we encounter affects us in some way, from relative strangers to close friends and family. Taking the time to improve every relationship will surely improve your mood and create a great sense of well-being.

You will learn how to strengthen just about any relationship and be able to use these strategies more and more. More importantly, we will take a close look at intimate relationships since these have the most impact on our mental health, as well learning how to cope with the loss of a relationship which often causes anxiety or despair.

How does a relationship connect to your emotion?

When you are anxious or depressed you become preoccupied with everything that concerns you. Any relationship gets put on the back burner. All of your attention is focused on your own problems and concerns. All of this attention and buildup of anxiety leaves you mentally and emotionally drained and to top it off the people who care about you tend to make attempts to help you. When they aren't successful they become frustrated and helpless, causing them to pull away from you and the relationship suffers more.

Take a few moments to answer the following questions about an important relationship in your life and see if depression or anxieties have been inflicting harm.

Have I pulled away from a relationship? In what ways?
Have I become less affectionate? In what ways?
Have I become more critical or irritable? In what ways?
Am I being less empathetic or showing fewer compliments? In what ways?

As always not everything is always black and white. There could always be other reasons as to why a relationship isn't working. Check with mental health professionals who specialize in couple therapy.

Digging Deeper into your Relationship

Have you ever heard a child make a claim to get a pet for the first time? They explain how well they will treat the animal. How well they are capable of feeding it and walking it and cleaning up after it. So parents indulge in their child's new found responsibility and go out and get a pet. The first week is great. The child does everything just as they said they would. However, by the end of the third to fourth week, the parents are finding themselves cleaning up more after the pet or feeding it more and having to ask the pet to be walked or taking care of in another way. The novelty of the pet and enthusiasm involved becomes interrupted by life and complacency sets in. It's not that this child went out of their way to become irresponsible, it is just that life took precedence.

Relationships start out in such a similar way. We become excited to spend time with another person and enjoy so much with them. We laugh and compliment each other and then one day life interferes and we start forgetting our responsibility to the relationship. We forget to call or make plans. The lack of attention causes the relationship to flounder. By using positive actions and words we nurture our relationships and the strategies you will learn here will help you make almost any relationship better.

Talking it out

Communication it's the foundation of what relationships are built on. Positive communication is needed in all of our relationships because it is healthy and it keeps us free from stress. In order to maintain such a positive environment we introduce a couple of exercises. First one is called The Daily Bulletin. This is when you take the time to talk and listen with your partner. The purpose is to enhance intimacy and should be performed often.

Work with your partner to decide on a time when you will sit and talk about the day's events for 20 minutes.
The goal is daily, however 3-4 times will be beneficial as well.
Commit to meeting times and keep them written down where both of you can see them.
Let your partner begin and speak for 10 minutes.
Ask questions, nod your head and make brief comments making sure to let them know you understand how they feel.
After they are done speaking, try to summarize what they said in a positive manner.
Ask your partner if you are correct in what you understand and if you are not, ask for clarification.
Take your time to share about your day and ask your partner to follow the same rules.

Take time to reflect on how you felt before and after and how much better you feel about understanding each other.

The second exercise will remind you of the power of compliments. When you are anxious or depressed it's hard to think of others and how much you appreciate them, but not expressing it can make them feel unappreciated as well as causes the relationship to suffer. Take a moment to write the Top 10 Things I Appreciate About My Partner.

First write down all the things you cherish and admire about your partner. Include items you feel sincerely apply such as talents, intelligence, caring, helping out, etc. and be specific.
Compliment you partner at least once a day from the list you created or create a new one.
Create a strategy to complete this task every day. Make a habit handing out compliments to everyone you.

After a couple of weeks of giving out compliments, reflect on any changes in the relationship.

If these past two exercises don't fan out well we recommend you see a couple's therapist for counseling. If you can't think of anything you appreciate about your partner your relationship is in serious trouble.

Attending to a Lost Relationship

Losing a relationship can be devastating. Life is imperfect and so are people. Sometimes the loss we suffer is due to death, but other times it's due other circumstances such as divorce, break ups or a relationship dissolving over happenstance. In any case, dealing with a loss causes stress and sometimes depression.

When you lose a loved one it's vital that you still take care of yourself. Making sure you eat and get sleep and stay healthy because grieving take both a mental and physical toll and you'll need all of your resources to get through it. Make sure to ask for help. You can seek helps from friends and family, religious sources, grief support groups and/or mental health professionals. When you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, the better approach is not to hole up in bed or turn to drugs that will only make matters worse, but rather explore your feelings about the person you lost. Review the relationship and what the person meant to you. This process causes you to move on.

Take time to look over the following Grief Questionnaire that will help you explore your grief. Take as much time to answer the questions and don't rush. Expect to feel sadness or even cry, but if you feel you can't handle the exercise at all, please seek professional help.

What was life like with this person?
What did you cherish about this person?
What was difficult about this person?
What lessons did I learn from this relationship both positive and negative?
What has changed about my life now?
What am I grateful for from this relationship?
What am I angry about the most?
What did I enjoy about this relationship?
Compose a letter to the person you lost to provide closure. Express anything that is on your mind.

Becoming Alert

People and the relationships we share with them are irreplaceable. Having said that, after you experience a loss and take the time to grieve and have recovered, it is important to pick up the pieces and move on and fill your life with meaningful relationships and activities. Take the time to help someone else out. It will make you feel better and quite normal again. Talk a little more. Become social again. You don't have to be the life of the party, but simply engaging more and more into conversation with those around you will definitely help you heal. Go out and do something that makes you happy. Even if you feel you aren't ready try doing something that makes you happy. Allow yourself to enjoy things again.

Mike has been writing articles for a couple of years now. His latest passion is on Anxiety And Depression. When you get a minute and you love to check out his site on Anxiety and Depression.