Leaving an Emotionally Abusive Partner - 4 Steps to Maintaining Health and Sanity

Making a big decision in life, like leaving a toxic and unhealthy relationship, is challenging and requires a good deal of courage. If you have come to the place of acceptance that this is the right decision for you, it doesn't mean you will not have struggles and setbacks in following through on what you know is a good choice. Often, your toxic partner will use the same tactics he or she did to keep you in the relationship to draw you back into the relationship, and even increase his or her efforts. Now is an excellent time to take good care of yourself and take steps to clear your head in order to move forward. Here are 4 steps to maintaining your health and emotional clarity as you navigate leaving your emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship:

1. Eat well. Avoid highly processed foods and sugars, opting instead for a diet that is centered around fresh fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. If you find your appetite is dulled during this stressful time, try carrying around healthy snack foods to munch on throughout the day. If you tend to overeat, be sure you are not distracted when you have meals, i.e. don't eat while watching television. Try setting a time in the evening beyond which you don't consume any more food. Take supplements if needed, including a food based multivitamin, calcium, and fish oil, which has many benefits to the body including supporting brain health. 5 HTP is a natural antidepressant that can be of help in many cases, and L-Theanine is a good anti-anxiety supplement. It is advisable to check with a doctor or naturopath before taking a new supplement.

2. Start exercising. This is a fantastic and healthy way to elevate your mood. Check with your physician to determine the best activity level for you. Cardiovascular exercise is ideal, as it allows for the release of feel good endorphins, compounds which are released during activities that elevate heart rate for a sustained period. Swimming, running, the elliptical machine, basketball, dance -- all can be good cardiovascular activities. A good program may include 45 minutes of cardiovascular exercise 5 times per week, but don't let this recommendation prevent you from doing what you can. Some exercise is always better than none.

3. Talk things out with a counselor. You have been through some trauma as a result of this experience, and it is very helpful to have a trained, unbiased person who can offer you feedback and perspective in your life. Also, gather your support network of friends and loved ones close during this time. You need the positive influence of those who affirm, love, and support you.

4. Avoid interaction with the toxic ex partner whenever possible. If you begin to feel anxiety and slipping back into old patterns when you speak to this person, that is a good sign it is time to end the conversation. If you must communicate about certain issues, such as children, stick with the subject and don't allow the conversation to get personal. You are not required to divulge information that isn't relevant to the discussion. If you find yourself stuck in a situation where you must interact and your ex gets personal or off topic, try repeating a nonsense phrase like "lalala" in your head while your ex is speaking.

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Maintaining Optimal Health, Part II

Our thoughts impact our overall state of health.

Caroline Myss in her best seller book Anatomy of the Spirit writes about three principles in the field of Energy Medicine (also known as psychic energy).

The First Principle is that Our Biography becomes Biology

We are all living history books, as our lives unfold our biological health becomes a living, breathing biographical statement that conveys our strengths, weaknesses, hopes and fears. Every thought that you have ever had has traveled through your body and elicited a physiological response- good or bad.

For instance a thought of fear activates the sympathetic nervous system which now stimulates the release of the hormone adrenaline and cortisol (also called stress hormones). These hormones produce a complex cascade of physiological responses such as tightening of the anal and urinary sphincters, widening of the pupils (in order to allow more light to the back of the eyeball), dry mouth, rapid heartbeat etc.

In our daily lives, we go through varying levels of emotional responses c and depending on how we modulate our response to these stressors; this may have a cumulative effect on our bodies.

All our thoughts regardless of their content first enter our systems as energy. Those that carry emotional, mental, psychological or spiritual energy (charge) produce biological responses that are then stored in our cellular memory. In this way our biographies are woven into our biological systems gradually, slowly, but surely every day.

Research has actually shown the impact of chronic stress on the telomeres. The telomeres are located at the tip of the chromosomes. When they break off, they accelerate the aging process.

It sometimes takes a concerted effort to execute a mind shift in order to allow you to heal. Accepting the fact that every part of your life -from your physical history, relationships, every attitude and opinion that you hold or belief that you carry inside yourself, affects your biological makeup. We all possess negative emotions and to create disease, negative emotions are predominant even if at a subconscious level.

For instance if dealing with a chronic medical condition and your whole mindset is that of hopelessness then this only leads to further dis-ease. In the wellness continuum, it is not the absence of disease that makes a person healthy but how they choose through their thoughts and every day actions to move toward a higher level of wellness.

The second Principle: Personal Power is Necessary for Health

Power is at the root of all human existence and none of us is free from power issues. We may be trying to cope with feelings of inadequacy or we may be trying to maintain control over others in our personal relationships. It is noteworthy that there are instances where a person loses something that represents power to them such as a job, a spouse, lover or a child and then subsequently develops a disease.

Our relationship to power is at the core of our health. Our lives are structured around various power symbols such as money, status, beauty, our jobs etc. We need to be conscious of what we give our power to. Healing from any illness is facilitated by identifying what our power symbols are and our symbolic and physical relationship with those symbols.

The third Principle: You can help yourself heal

Here is the summary teaching of energy medicine:

"I am responsible for the creation of my health. I therefore participated, at some level in the creation of this illness. I can participate in the healing of this illness by healing myself, which means simultaneously healing my emotional, psychological, physical and spiritual being"

Unlike a cure which is a passive process of handing over one's authority to an outside force usually a physician as I outlined in the earlier part of this discourse, healing is an active and internal process that includes investigating one's attitudes, memories, and beliefs with the desire to release negative patterns that present one's full emotional and spiritual recovery.

By choosing to remain in a receptive attitude, optimal health and wellness can be achieved despite physical health challenges. In the wellness continuum this is truly moving toward a higher level of wellness.

Leaving an Emotionally Abusive Partner - 4 Steps to Maintaining Health and Sanity

A relationship in which there is an element of psychological and emotional abuse is a very difficult one to leave.  Your abuser knows what to say and exactly how to say it to convince you that your perceptions are incorrect, the problems are your fault, he or she will change, etc etc.  The dialogue may change, but the tactic is the same:  To draw you back into the relationship and assert control over you.  If you are in the process of, or considering leaving someone who is emotionally and psychologically abusive, there are steps you can take to help yourself through this difficult process.  Here are 4 steps to maintaining your health and sanity as you leave an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship:

1. Eat right.  The mind and body are closely connected, and the health of one impacts the health of the other.  By taking care of your body, you give yourself more emotional strength to make it through the challenging moments.  Focus on eating fresh vegetable and fruits, lean proteins, and whole grains.  Reduce your intake of processed foods and sugar, and avoid stress eating.  Take supplements, starting with a good food based multivitamin, calcium if you do not consume large amounts of calcium rich foods.  Fish oil has a number of benefits to the body, including improving brain health.

2.  Implement a doctor approved exercise program.  The ideal type of exercise for elevating your mood is cardiovascular exercise because it promotes the release of endorphins, the feel good compounds released into the body during exercise.  What you want is an activity that elevates your heart rate for a sustained period of time.  Ideally, you will work up to 45 minutes of cardio exercise 5 times per week.  However, any exercise is better than none, so make the effort to get moving, however you can manage it.

3.  Talk out the issues and trauma you have faced.  Allow for the fact that you have been through a great deal emotionally.  A professional counselor who specializes on abuse issues can be of great help in offering a trained, unbiased perspective on you and what has happened.  Friends and family are also very important to draw close to during this time for emotional support.

4.  Above all, make every effort possible to avoid contact with your abuser.  Think of this person like poison that has the potential to damage you anytime you interact.  If you must communicate due to children, etc, keep the conversations strictly on topic.  You do not need to respond to anything off the topic, so feel free to ignore messages or say, "I need to hang up now," if your abuser tried to draw you back in to a personal conversation.  This is a wonderful exercise in setting your boundaries and reclaiming your power over who and what you allow into your world. 

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal growth and relationship expert who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Benefits of Maintaining the Healthy Relationship

Strong positive relationships are essential to achieving our success. We are in almost constant contact with others and we should make every contact an opportunity to strengthen our social skills and reinforce our relationships. We can benefit a lots from healthy long-term relationship.

Healthy relationships are fun and make you feel good about yourself. You can have a healthy relationship with anyone in your life, including your family, friends and dating partners. The relationships that you make in your teen years will be a special part of your life and will teach you some of the most important lessons about who you are.

Healthy relationships are essential to our happiness and emotional health. They also have a positive effect on our physical health. It will influence everything from heart health to age-related health issues. Maintaining healthy relationships is not easy but it can be done.

In healthy relationship, we trust each other. Once we experience trust with others, we can be honest about our weaknesses and shortcomings because we know that we will be accepted for who we are, without judgment or criticism.

If you maintain a healthy relationship, you can get support from your partners. Our lives go through many changes and difficulties. In either case, they often make us uncomfortable and challenge us to grow and become more than we were before. Healthy relationships give us the support and encouragement we need to rise to new and different challenges.

Having someone who are willing to listen silently when you are feeling down or frustrated and want to 'vent' gives you the freedom to express yourself. Sometimes you just need to get something off your chest without feeling like you have to watch every word you say.

Individuals in long-term relationships have a history of shared experiences that build a mutual understanding so they 'get you' without a lot of explanation.

If you have a healthy relationship, there is always someone to call on when you need a hand. Everyone, from time to time, needs a hand from a friend, colleague, peer, or family member. This can be in the form of advice, a new job, or assistance with a particular project in which you need to call on another peoples' expertise.

Sharing your life with friends who you trust, who accept, understand and support you reduces stress because you have camaraderie and, therefore, less potential for interpersonal conflicts. Good relationships bring about the best in work teams and families by reducing the anxieties that cause stress and, at the same time, good relationships cultivate a sense of well-being and emotional security.

Having good relationships mean that there is a mutual like for one another. Being around people you like and who like you create situations that are harmonious, supportive, and well, happy. You have an overall feeling of satisfaction in your life.

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