The Secrets of Sex and Relationships That Last! Keeping the Sex and Passion Alive!

The secret to keeping sex great and passion hot is concentrating on other things that will improve your connections with each other. What makes sex so passionate is the feelings you have for one another. It is so simple that many people overlook it. The most obvious of all the things that go on in any relationship is almost never realized by those inside the relationship.

There are many ways to improve your relationship and sexual performance. Surprisingly though, many of them begin outside of the bedroom. The more you concentrate on the closeness and the quality of your bond together the more barriers you can break in the bedroom.

There is not a single person in the world who does not want to be loved and appreciated. If you focus all of your attention on these things during your times together you will notice a huge change in the quality of your sex lives. Once you begin the hum-drum of daily activities it can be easy to numb yourself to romance. This is an ultimate love killer. Every time you do something unexpectedly kind and with personalized detail, the passion begins to come back. You can do this kind of thing and you should be doing this kind of thing every day.

Make the days that you bring her her favorite flowers or surprise her with something new of her favorite color outnumber the days that you do not. Try and go shopping with her and enjoy it. Men need to try to become more emotionally available. You should cuddle and not look at your watch when you do it. Men need to change and meet the woman half way, if not more so.

The same goes for women only in a slightly different perspective. Try to allow him his space when he needs it, as well as when he is quiet. This means no questions about it either.

Women need to change too. Give him that blow job that he is always crying for and do it out of the blue. Take an aggressive stand to the sex ritual and make him go down on you and tell him specifics while he is doing it! (shucks chucks he will be down there out of sight anyway. So you do not even have to keep your eyes open when you are instructing to him.)

The above is not a sexist remark of any kind unless you take it that way. For women it is often the thought that counts and for men the act that matters. That does not mean there are not reversal scenarios. Some men are extremely sensitive and certain women can be very simplistic. We are all people and it takes all kinds.

The more you do for your partner the better you will feel about your self. It feels good to do for others. Once you get into the habit it will be easy. It will make you feel good about yourself. Plus it will make you more emotionally available to each other. These are good mental health practices too.

Most people do not realize just how vital and important good mental health is for having good sex.

For instance; if you are relaxed and self confident these variables will make themselves available to the performance you give. They reflect who you are at the moment and what you are able to accomplish is so closely related to how you feel. Much like, "I think I can... I think I can... And you will! So keep positive thinking a part of your daily routine while you are serving each others happiness.

That, although to me is no real secret, is one of the most powerful things that I could share with anyone willing to listen. Things like 'knowledge is the key to power' and 'Information is key to the outcome of your performance,' really mean nothing if you do not truly believe in what you are doing. Or if you do not think you are capable of making the transformation then going through the motions will not be near as effective if you are not wholly dedicated inside and out.

One last and final word on lasting relationships and sex. If you are hung up about your past or your partners past, then the future will always be bleak. The past is dead get over it and move on. That is probably the best advice someone gave me when I was younger. My only wish is that I learned it in the womb. But hey, thats all in the past.

These are the secrets to keeping passionate and soulful relationships. The secrets of sex and relationships are in the details of our everyday lives together. One of the most important things is that you listen to each other. I mean really listen. Sex is the highest form of communication. So practice all other forms of communicating and you will naturally improve.

The Secrets of Sex and Relationships are very simple. Respond to your emotions with common sense and honesty. Sex really does matter. Science has researched and found that all happy marriages were of people who were sexually satisfied. In most any relationship, people who are truly happy are satisfied sexually.

3 Secrets For a Healthy Relationship

For some people being in a relationship can be very challenging. Marriage is supposed to be full of romance, fun, security and safety. For some couples they have been blessed with having succeeded in actualizing this ideal. For many other couples, unfortunately, they have instead experienced conflict, anger, insecurity and loneliness. These couples are left bewildered, confused and disappointed, wondering what "marriage" is really all about.

There are three key factors that determine the quality of the marital relationship. They are; respect, personal emotional health and realistic expectations. When these "three keys" are working well the relationship can flourish.

1 - RESPECT

The concept that a husband and wife being equal partners is an essential factor in a successful relationship. The abstract concept of "equality" applied in action is the behaviour of respect. When a husband and wife behave respectfully with each other they become assistants, each enhancing and supporting the other.

The behaviour of respect is typically characterized by:

1) Gentleness of Speech- soft vocal tones void of criticism and anger.

2) Loyalty- my spouse as opposed to someone else, like my religion or country, is always right. This is commitment to loyalty is acted upon in speech and deed.

3) Democratic Decision Making- both husband and wife have equal power in decision making.

2 - PERSONAL EMOTIONAL HEALTH

The "act of marriage" does not mean a person has automatically all the necessary emotional resources to succeed. For example, growing-up in a home where as a child a person was not respected or even abused can leave deep psychological wounds that need healing as an adult. Parents that argued and disrespected each other did not provide the necessary role-modelling needed to learn what a healthy and respectful marital relationship is like. As a marriage counsellor, I have worked with many people that find it very difficult to be emotionally intimate with their partner because of the hurt they experienced as a child. When individuals come from childhood homes characterized by multiple separations between parents and severe ongoing conflict they often fear accepting the responsibility of making there own family. They may get part way, for example they marry, but they won't agree to have children. Or they have a child and for some inexplicable reason they become depressed or want to leave their partner. Some solutions to repairing these childhood deficiencies are:

1) Reading self help books.

2) Observe healthy families. Try to get invited to their homes and learn.

3) Participate in psychotherapy with a professionally trained therapist.

3 - REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

Creating a family requires the successful transition from one developmental stage to another. Just like children learn in sequence to role-over, sit-up, crawl, stand and walk, etc. families go through clearly demarcated stages of growth. They are; courtship, marriage (commitment), living together, getting to know each other, producing a child, raising children, being together after the children have left and growing old together. Each of these stages requires realistic expectations. For example, while in the "raising children" stage expecting to have the same passion and excitement as during the "courtship" stage as very unrealistic and can lead to unfair criticism of one=s spouse and chronic disappointment. It is certainly reasonable to make increased intimacy and passion a goal at any stage of the relationship-but goals shouldn't be confused with demands or entitlement. Not knowing what to expect can make one vulnerable to letting feelings make the decisions. Feelings are useful information, but should not run someone's life. The mind should rule the heart. Some helpful ideas to help develop realistic goals are:

1) Read about different stages in family development.

2) Talk to friends and family members who have already been through it.

3) Consult with a professional Marriage and Family Therapist.

These three key factors; respect, personal emotional health and realistic expectations are all interrelated. They each impact on the other. For example, someone with unhealed childhood wounds may find it difficult to respect their partner.

By learning and working in all three of these dimensions, or one at a time, we can all eventually have a realistic chance of having the marriage and family we want and deserve. Healthy relationships are the greatest opportunity for personal happiness. Perhaps, in some situations it may not be realistic to expect marital bliss, but with sincere effort we can in most cases achieve friendship, companionship and even a little excitement when together.

Abe Kass, M.A., R.S.W., R.M.F.T., is a registered Social Worker, registered Marriage and Family Therapist, certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, and award-winning educator and writer. He has a busy family therapy practice working with individuals, couples, and their families in Toronto, Canada. Abe is a member of the Ontario College of Social Workers, the Ontario and American Associations for Marriage and Family Therapy, and the National Board for Certified Clinical Hypnotherapists.

For more information about Marriage visit: http://www.gosmartlife.com/products-page/maritalpartner-harmony/ or Visit http://www.GoSmartLife.com for more Self Help and Improvement Information.

Love Guide - Bulletproof Your Relationship Against 7 Fatal Mistakes With 7 Secrets of Lasting Love

How secure is your relationship? Could you be riding into the sunset with your mate, unaware that they are ready to change course? Don't be blindsided by a break up. Learn how to bullet proof your relationship against 7 mistakes that cause most break ups. Then go use 7 secrets of lasting love to spark up your relationship.

Here Are The Top 7 Mistakes That Cause Most Break Ups And What To Do Instead:

Mistake 1. Abuse, affairs and workaholism are tied as the top causes of break ups and divorce.

There is an addictive quality in each behavior that steals focus, power and trust from your intimate relationship.

Unattended hurts and unmet emotional needs often prompt these addictive behaviors.

What to do instead:

To start the recovery process, seek counseling or a 12 step program to treat your addiction before you can repair the damage and rebuild trust in your relationship.

Mistake 2. Settling into relationship ruts

Do you have strong beliefs of how you and your mate should behave? Your "Shoulds" can put you in a cage.

Do you go out to the same places, eat the same foods, tell the same stories, make love the same way?

Predictability can bring on the boredom. If you're feeling bored, it means you are making boring choices.

What to do instead:

Keep your relationship exciting.

Stop "Shoulding" each other today.

Add a sense of fun and play in your daily interactions.

Start dating your mate again.

Plan new outings, eat in different restaurants, listen to new music.

Ask new questions and discover new things about each other.

Think of a surprise that you can spring once a week.

Find new ways to add a feeling of magic and enchantment to your intimate moments and daily routine. You will feel like you're in a new relationship.

Mistake 3. Doing more talking than listening

Controlling the conversation, complaining, commanding or constantly updating your wants, needs, desires, life stories is a one-way conversation that will drain the fun and life out of any relationship. It's also a sign of being rigid and uncompromising, which may cause a loss of respect and a loss of attraction.

What to do instead:

Listening is an act of love. Tell your partner that you want to break your habit of dominating the conversation. You want to find out their needs, wants, desires and find ways to satisfy them. Your loving listening will help you start fresh and spark up your relationship so it feels new.

Mistake 4. Showing little appreciation or support for your mate

You may be so focused on your duties, deadlines or demands that you are too busy to pay attention or spend time with your mate. What you focus on grows. Are you growing your career or outside pursuits and letting your relationship whither and die? If you don't believe in changing focus at this dangerous crossroads, then you must believe in break ups and divorce.

What to do instead:

Balance your focus and begin to show your support and appreciation for your mate.

Tell your beloved that you want to improve your relationship.

Make sure your behavior matches your words so you can rebuild faith and trust.

Be kind and gentle with quirks or mood swings.

Be aware of the little things that make your partner happy and do them.

Find new ways to enjoy time together and explore common interests or new hobbies

Plan an activity that you each look forward to each week

Avoid criticism and comment on your mate's positive qualities and personal growth as a way to promote more growth and good feelings.

Mistake 5. Crossing boundaries or not setting healthy boundaries

Are you investing more emotional energy in bonding with an attractive co-worker than with your mate? You are having an emotional affair. Are you tolerating this destructive behavior in your mate? You are an enabler. When you pursue or enable a harmful, distracting, or abusive behavior, you are not supporting the good health and well being of your mate, yourself or your relationship.

What to do instead:

Recognize the need for healthy boundaries to protect and preserve your primary intimate relationship. Make a mutual commitment to set new boundaries or stop crossing the old ones.

Apologize for your role in past breaches of boundaries. This is a four part process:

1. Express your regret.

2. Acknowledge the harm that was done

3. Commit that you will avoid repeating harmful behavior

4. Honor your commitment

Mistake 6. Letting the flame die out

You may feel the chemistry is flat in your relationship, yet you don't do anything to revive it. You may have tried, but your partner wasn't responsive or they rejected your suggestions. So you give up and leave your intimate connection for dead without doing couples CPR.

What to do instead:

Revive the heartbeat of your relationship through Couples CPR by improving 3 relationship skills:

1. Communication:

Speak from your heart as to how your lack of passion and intimacy makes you feel.

Ask for your mate's feelings and reactions. Start a dialogue that cultivates growth as a couple.

2. Personal Growth:

The endorphins of romance, what I call Cupid's Cocktails, may spark your chemistry and cloud your view of reality at the start of your relationship. If the initial rush of pleasure goes flat in time, you may wonder what's left to keep you together.

You can revive your mutual interest and spark up your chemistry by:

exploring common values, interests and hobbies

sharing more laughter - an endearing aphrodisiac

setting new goals and setting out on new adventures as a team

3. Resilience:

You can bounce back from relationship doldrums or despair. In physics, the dominant vibrations wins. You change the vibration of thoughts, feelings and actions the same way you change the show you are watching on TV-- by flipping the channel.

Will you tune into a cold horror flick or a romantic love story?

Choose the channel. You can be resilient and rise above any negative behavior by consistently flipping the switch to a better behavior. You may become a fan of the new behavior and make it a habit.

Mistake 7. Depending on your mate to make you happy

You don't have a life outside of your relationship. You're just living your life, waiting for your mate to fulfill your needs or add excitement to your life.

What to do instead.

Don't just live your life. Love your life. And fall in love again with yourself. I tell my online community how to do this by following the 5 Rs:

Revive your dreams and take action on them everyday.

Rev up your good qualities. As you strengthen your strengths, any weakness seems less important.

Recharge your health in safe and wholesome ways.

Remember the love in your past and forget your sad old stories or expectations.

Remain optimistic. Expect good things to happen and make better choices for your greater happiness, health and fulfillment.

Your healthy self love and optimism are love magnets that may be irresistible to your mate.

Will you avoid the top 7 mistakes that cause most break ups? Will you make better choices that bring out the best in you and your mate?

If you do so, you will bullet proof your relationship with lasting love. You will feel delighted by renewed chemistry, communication, kindness and commitment as you and your mate ride into the sunset together!

And if you'd like to see how author Hadley Finch and her savvy friends bring out the best in each other and create healthy relationships, you may follow their romantic adventures in the novel, TRIBE OF BLONDES.

Not a hair color, it's a resilient hopeful spirit that unites us and fuels our passionate choices and personal triumphs.

The novel is inspired by Hadley's dating adventures on three continents after her long marriage ended in divorce. It reveals secrets to help you survive a break up, start a new life and love again in the spirit of the TRIBE OF BLONDES. The novel is available in your favorite book store or on amazon.

You may follow host, Hadley Finch, in weekly episodes of A COURSE IN DATING MIRACLES and TRIBE OF BLONDES POW WOW SHOW--Your guide to healthy relationships and lasting love, when you visit http://www.tribeofblondes.com