How To Build Empowering Relationships

Firstly in order to build an empowering relationship with anyone be that person your doctor, a friend, a colleague, your boss, your lover or your Self you need to understand how not to build a relationship then through looking at that you can build empowering ones.

So what is an unhealthy relationship?

Any relationship that is built on lies is not healthy and therefore is dis-empowering to you and the other person involved. Let me explain

In an ideal world you trust the people you have formed relationships with or you feel you should. Think again, this isn't an ideal world. Sometimes this world seems very cruel. Sometimes it can feel like the whole wide world is out to get you and only you understand yourself. This way of thinking can lead to you building relationships with just about anyone, as long as you can relate to them and visa versa.

Why do you need to relate to them? Communication is a form of connection, but it's not enough. The more desperate, lonely, unhappy, isolated and disconnected you feel from life, people or society in general the more your tendency will be to connect with anybody. Rightly or wrongly these ties are generally built on lies and don't empower either you or the other and end up creating a lot of pain for the both of you.

So why build the relationships in the first place if it's all lies and no ties? To feel loved, wanted and at the very least attractive, sexy, intelligent or kind. You name it you can find an excuse to create it. People are inherently different set apart by beliefs, cultures, skin colours, capacity for learning, sexuality, location, age etc. The problem lies inside by design. So before you shout and scream don't worry about a thing. You are not to blame it's just a flaw in a humans make up.

Now it's not all bad news because now you know you can change it and help you and your relationships to grow.

The truth is the need to belong means we have to connect with someone or something to be the same. Perhaps this need created religion, bullying, culture divides, wars, the Higher Self, Enlightenment (As one.) Perhaps when you have found out about self - love these things just don't matter anymore because you are connected. Well not really connected just loved.

At the route of the design flaw is the need to be loved. We all have it, men and women alike hence we search for our soul mate, the other part to you so you can be one not two. I've done it on many occasions. Engaged in a relationship with a man who I believed was 'The One' and he wasn't. Left me asking the question is there really ever going to be 'The One' or will I become 'The One' and fall madly and deeply in love with me?

Um... It took a bit of persuading and a few lies told to me and told by me to help me understand yes, when you love yourself you are in fact whole emotionally. This feeds the need for connection beyond just communication and life becomes different. You find you have fewer friends but the friends you have are honest, loyal, and trustworthy and you actually enjoy giving them your time. You never feel or fear loneliness so you really enjoy your own company and the company of others when you are with them.

You break ties with so many connections, yet you begin to realise that these ties weren't ties they were lies. Lies you were told to make you feel good so you would stay their friend, in their life and sometimes their possession. (A whole new story comes from that.) Or lies you've told to protect your interests. You also form better quality sexual relationships with the right people who don't just have sex with you because they say they love you. (More to come in the future)

Actually let's look at being possessed for a moment. You become another person's possession or they may indeed become yours if you have fooled them how much you like or love them or even fooled yourself, obviously the most important person in all of this is you. (Again we will come to that later.) So for now think about a relationship, mother daughter, sister, brother, lover, friend whatever the right one will come to mind.

Now imagine if you were joined what would be joining you? Would it be, for example, a piece of barbed wire, an umbilical cord or maybe a piece of ribbon? You decide and as you do look at whether this tie is actually an honest healthy connection for both of you or is it really a restriction? Perhaps the tie is smothering you as is the person who says they love you but has too much fear to let you cut loose and grow and doesn't even know what true love is? Perhaps you are smothering them? It maybe that the wire is making it impossible for you to travel, leave home, move away or change jobs or let go of a lover? Maybe the umbilical cord is connecting you so much to your parent that your true identity is fast disappearing into theirs and this is making you unhappy?

Again you decide, no one is forcing change on you but if you do see the tie is more than a merely pleasant tie that could, if needs be, stretch or undo to let you both grow yet maintain a good empowering strong relationship for as long as time dictates it to be so, then is that really the kind of connection you want?

Well yes then carry on only be prepared for the kind of relationship that you have built. Life isn't easy to be by your lonesome and sometimes someone is better than no one, only not if that someone doesn't really fit and you've had to squash you and them to make the two of you connect together. You'll never be happy like that. Not really if you can see through the lie that you are already.

Imagine you are a piece of a puzzle and there is a perfect match for you, maybe the missing piece is a job, career, lover, new friend or new home, whatever you need your piece fits only one other piece. It has to come to you as you are the only piece that fits it and it is the only piece that fits perfectly your need. So if your piece is for self-acceptance don't expect the right piece to be someone who loves you unconditionally, although they might do, probably more likely to be someone who puts you down and down and down until the pain of not accepting yourself is so much worse than the leap of faith to start to discover that your self-esteem grows from you nurturing it not a man or woman.

Relationships built on trust last. Longevity comes from nurturing seeds that have been planted years, days, months or even weeks ago. Relationships built with truth and loyalty grows. Withering relationships come from fear that creates lies and this leads to poor health, mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially as the lies bleed you dry! Whereas ties feed you inside! (Health inside = health outside)

So next time you meet someone new and the lonely part of you decides to make them 'The One' again be it the boss, the lover, the friend, just take a breath.

Reassess why you have attracted this person. Will the relationship be created through lies, theirs and yours? Or will it be healthy from the start incorporating boundaries, friendships, trust and loyalty and a mutual respect?

Whatever the outcome, whatever you create or don't create you will grow.

Oh and if you don't know.

YOU ARE THE MOST SINGULARLY IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR WORLD, FOR WITHOUT YOU YOUR LIFE DOESN'T EXIST.

So if you truly understand that statement then you will start to look at yourself in a different light and worship no one not even yourself as you will have a heart. And as everyone knows the heart is where the love is not the head.

So if you don't understand it then attract me to guide you because my piece fits yours perfectly.

Julie-Ann Blackmore has over 30 years experience and varied training in bringing improvements to peoples, businesses and animals health and well being. She currently manages and owns her own business How To Be You that specializes in providing a large range of services and products to compliment Julie-Ann's wish to alleviate other's pain and suffering. From an early age Julie-Ann realised, among other things, that she was psychic and decided to develop this skill throughout her life and find ways of using it to heal others. Tuning into each individual she creates a finely tuned mix of skills and knowledge that offers the most benefits and shares this in many ways including Self Help e books, one to one sessions, talks and art. For more information, to order and purchase services and products and for free articles please visit http://www.howtobeyou.wordpress.com or contact Julie-Ann direct via email howtobeyou@hotmail.com