A Mission of Love - Understanding Motive in Relationships

What is the mission of a therapist?

Maybe its to find problems. Then solve them. Maybe there are infinite problems. Maybe there is always another issue, if you dig deep enough. Buddha said, "sit a bucket of muddy water long enough, it will become crystal clear. Stir it daily with the idea of cleaning it, then it will stay muddy" Maybe the mission of a therapist is to make clear water muddy. No, the mission of the therapist is not health, it is to fix problems.

What is the mission of a doctor?

To make health, or to find illness? Maybe we go to a doctor and complain about our sore back. The doctor finds a problem, or gives us a pain killer. But the doctor rarely says "you are the problem Chris. The way you sit at the computer, or the shape of your lounge or the way you meditate or do yoga. No, the doctor sticks an acupuncture needle in, because this is the doctors mission. To treat illness not make health.

What is the mission of a business leader?

To make a wonderful working environment or to hammer out productivity and sales. The leader will help everybody become a "better person" but this is really based on less headaches for the manager. Maybe the manager's mission is less headaches for themselves. Maybe they find things that give them headaches and problems and like the doctor, they treat the problem. The mission of the business leader is rarely what they say, the mission of the business leader is usually to fix things so they have less headaches.

What is the mission of the team athlete?

The athlete will say that they want to be part of a winning team. Maybe this is only partially true. Maybe there are other more powerful motives at stake. Maybe the athlete wants to be famous, well paid and highly commended for their performance and the best way to do that is to be on a winning team.

What is the mission of the angry wife?

She says she wants to save the marriage. But is this really what she wants. Maybe she doesn't want a marriage to a man. Maybe the time she spends alone, she is happiest. So, really she wants sex without guilt. But she doesn't want the wet spot in the bed, or the bad breath in the morning, or whisker rash. She just wants to bring up her child without any interference from the man, as long as he pays the rent. Maybe her mission is to live the life she thinks will make her happy, because her parents weren't happy.

What is the mission of the angry husband?

He says he loves her, but hits her. He says he's sorry but he does it again. He says he wants a happy family but he is in pain always in pain because he is jealous, or insecure or afraid of losing her. Maybe his mission is to find a mother. Not a wife. Maybe his mission is to find a lover he can have quick sex so he can sleep easy, and feel deeply safe when he goes out in the world.

What is your mission?

Have you thought it through?

Not just the theory, because you can see from above

What we say, and what we do are always in conflict, always

Have you thought about the difference between what you say and what you do?

Like I want a happy family but you might not act that way.

Happy families live on compliments. Encouragement.

Happy workplaces need a leader who loves their job and believes in it

Healing the mind, requires the headspace that there are no problems to fix

Healthy living means always empowering the individual to see they cause their own ill health.

There are complexities in understanding people's mission. Here they are.

1/ Mission is circumstantial. Under pressure of failure we become very personalized, (take everything personally) and therefore there is a significant difference between our "grand" mission of changing the world and our "actual" mission of saving our butt.

2/ Mission is hierarchical. Sometimes we want to do the right thing. But there are priorities that get in the way. For example; we say we want a loving relationship, but we need to stay back at work and finish the report. Here is a priority conflict isn't it? The squeaky wheel gets the oil. This is the difficult part of a mission. Learning to say no. This was the Buddha's greatest challenge. Patience, he defined, as the ability to say no. No, does not mean "no I don't want to do it" no means, there are more important things.

3/ Mission is time dependent. There are short term needs and there are long term needs. Under normal circumstances in the average life, short term needs always take priority over long term needs. If we are tired it is hard to do our yoga or exercise. But after 5 years we find our body is fat, older than us, and our back is sore. This is revelation of short term choices overtaking long term mission. Like leaving a relationship that would be beautiful to grow old with. This also applies to decisions we don't make. Sometimes we do not make good choices because we think we are here forever.

4/ Mission is environmental. If you place someone in a warm, cosy, comfortable and sunny place and say "what is your mission" they might say, "to stay here." If you place someone in a starving household, but never ever show them a real meal, they might also respond to the same question with "to stay here" because they have adapted, they don't know any better do they? But if you take a person to a new age therapy workshop and tell them that their relationship is crap, they deserve better, and then paint an ideal (even if that is a lie) then they compare what they have to this ideal, and they are never, ever happy in their relationships, ever again. (for more than a few moments or days) - The environment we create is often comparative.

5/ Mission is egoistic. If you ask a person what their mission is, in front of 2,000,000 television viewers, they might try harder to make it right. If you ask them at the pub after a few beers they might not be so worried. Mission is a materialistic attempt to win approval. Either our own, or that of others. Both are ego centric. Both reveal that we feel that we need to be doing, achieving or contributing in order to "be approvable" That usually means that the mission we have is not of much value to us unless somebody is watching. In the ancient mysteries they teach "unless you can keep your mission a secret, you are not ready to live it"

6/ Mission is diverse. Money is essential for life. Just as fun, happiness, sex, health, safety and intimacy. When we are without one of these fundamental ingredients, they become a priority. Mission is not the fulfilment of one of those priorities. Mission is what you do when you fulfil them all. Enough money, enough fun, enough happiness, enough sex, enough health, enough safety, enough intimacy. But how much is enough. The word enough is not a material word. It is psychological. So I know one lady with many millions of dollars who is always afraid of not having enough. Or people who have so much sex, but worry about when they will have more. Mission is diverse because when we think we do not have enough we are always distracted. We say we are being a doctor, but really we are paying the rent, we say we are being a therapist but really we are trying to feel good, we say we are being the business manager, but really we are looking for safety. If our consciousness is stuck in a "not enough" mind space, then we are unable to love.

Mission requires love.

Mission requires that we have enough of the basics

Mission requires that what people think is not important

Mission requires that what we do is more important than what we achieve

Mission requires that if the results are in the next life, it is ok.

Mission requires that short term does not overtake long term

Mission requires that what we already have is enough

Mission requires that we don't empower desperate - not on mission people

Mission requires that we heal ourselves, not empower doctors.

Mission requires love.

To be in love in a relationship is a worthy mission. To achieve that is a huge transformation from the way things are.

The mission to be in love.

Mission of love means whoever you are with is perfect (stay)

Mission of love means that your opinions are cheap substitutes for love

Mission of love means what you do is less important than how you feel.

Mission of love means today is the most important day of love

Mission of love means reward for your efforts of love may only be revealed in your children's, children's, children. And that is good.

Mission of love means you know that divorce is cumulative. Every late arrival, every inconsiderate act, every criticism, every time you tell your partner what is wrong with them, every tired arrival home after work, every time you think or say that what you have is not enough, every time you prioritise work over love, you nailed a nail in the coffin of brake down.

Mission of love means your friends and children are less important than your lover/

Mission of love means your friends and children's opinions are less important than your lover/

Mission of love means rising above blame. Take the power back and realize that if you are not happy together, you are the cause, and the solution to that. Accusation or even psychologising, comparing, is just a way of handing over power to the system.

Live with Spirit

Chris

http://www.chriswalker.com.au Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris?s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au -- http://www.chriswalker.com.au