How to Prevent Unhealthy Relationships

In order to steer clear of unhealthy relationships, it's essential to be able to know what a healthy one is. If our primary example regarding marriage is our parents, and we aren't too thrilled with many of the traits their relationship has or had, we need to consider what a healthy relationship does look like.

Now...many years ago, before there were scanning machines to detect counterfeit money, bank employees were trained to recognize the real from the fake. What's most important...is that they spent all their time studying the original article, and no time on studying the fake. The goal was to get the employees so conditioned to the features of the genuine article that anything that deviated from it would stand out immediately. In relationships, it works exactly the same way. The traits of a healthy relationship is what we need to concentrate our focus on.

A healthy relationship is one that involves 2 people who invest their time and energy to build a team. The relationship is a high priority for both members and requires attention for it to grow and get stronger. This seems so obvious, yet to most people it's not. People from all walks of life, consistently say that their family relationships are a top priority. The core of the family is the marriage relationship. In any organization, the health of the relationship of those steering the ship is foundational to it's long term success. Yet, in spite of what the vast majority of people claim is important to them, their actions don't match their words. Work, children, friends, hobbies, in-laws and out-laws, and a multitude of other activities and relationships are allowed to crowd the couple out from their proper place of importance within the family unit.

The same principles that governs physical fitness or the obtaining of a desired goal, affect the health and wellness of a dating or marriage relationship. Far more often than not, what we put into it, we get out. Mutual trust and respect for each other's thoughts and feelings is a hallmark of a healthy relationship. Each person's uniqueness is honored and viewed as a valuable element of the team. A key to the team's strength is found in it's diversity.

Unfortunately, the unique traits of a spouse that were once considered highly attractive, often become the main reasons for unhappiness in an unhealthy relationship. Men and women begin to want their partner to behave more like them, to think like them and understand their unique point of view in spite of the fact that not only are men and women radically different biologically, they are socialized and conditioned very differently as well.

Couples in a healthy relationship understand that trust and respect, for the most part, is earned. If I behave in a manner that is trustworthy by keeping my commitments, I can earn both trust and respect. Even though I may not share my wife's opinions and feelings on a given subject, I can earn her trust and respect by allowing her to think and feel what she wants.

In healthy relationships, listening is vital, agreement is not. Listening does not mean agreeing. A healthy relationship allows for differences of opinion. They are accepted and welcomed, and they enrich the relationship. It's normal to disagree without becoming disagreeable. Disagreement does not equal rejection in healthy relationships. That's worth repeating. In healthy relationships, disagreement does not equal rejection.

For the relationship to prosper, it's imperative that there is agreement on values. Spiritual or religious beliefs need to be considered if the couple is to prosper, as do values and beliefs regarding work, child raising and in-laws. Time spent discussing issues like "how to raise the children", is a requirement in a healthy relationship. Is it best for the family to have one of the parent's staying home with the children? What if your in-laws come to stay for an extended period of time...how do you feel? Are you a fitness buff and your spouse is a couch potato? If you want a family and a career, how will you work to do both at the same time? Do the two of you agree on where your child will be schooled?

Your values and beliefs are the primary sources that you will use to answer these important questions. These need serious consideration for your relationship to thrive.

Chris Keenan is the founder of Relationship Sharing. They help people who like to share and learn about relationships, to do so in small group settings via telephone conferencing. If you want more free relationship articles then go to [http://www.relationshipsharing.com] for hundreds of relationship articles. Try their "relationship sharing" service for free!