Relationship Expectations and Your Health

There it was. I knew it. The headline from some International Society of International Relationship-a-torial Think Tank of America, Inc...or something like that. "Marital strife and other bad personal relationships can raise your risk for heart disease." Sweet! I knew I was going to die if I stayed in that relationship another microsecond. Good thing it is kapooey!

OK, a bit dramatic, I must admit, but there have been some studies as of late that have shown an increasing correlation between a bad relationship and overall health. I guess when she says, "You make me sick," she just might mean it. I guess we just have to evaluate everything with a critical eye, and that includes our relationships.

I know what you are saying..."What about the love?" That's all well and good, but as someone who has just come from a horrendous relationship, I had to take some time and step back and really look at all aspects of that, and all, of my relationships. I have been in some bad relationships, I must admit, and so I have been on a personal trek to discover what is it about myself in a relationship that I sometimes struggle with?

Yes, it is never the relationship but the people involved in it. A relationship just is. So in my reading and analyzing, I have found some pretty amazing realizations that I knew but never really thought about because of that darned thing called "Love." Damn, love...it can so mess you up.

But here is the long and short of it all. Love is that initial response that propels you forward, I believe, to find that deeper, more concrete emotion of deep commitment and overall gratitude for that other person. Trust me, I don't talk with any authority of some type of degree behind my name, just a thirst of knowledge that drove me to some obvious conclusions.

So, what of the Relationship Expectations?

There sees to be a couple of schools of thought concerning Expectations from a Relationship standpoint. They stem from the needs you bring into a Relationship, meaning, those things that you expect your partner to fulfill in you and communication of those needs overall.

Everyone has needs, in this there is no doubt, but how we communicate those needs to our partner is where many of us have fallen down. Have you often seen a couple that you wondered, "How did he get her or him and what is it that they have in common? They just don't look like they belong together." I know I have and since I am a curious type and like to write on the everyday happenings in life, I decided to ask a couple that fit that very bill.

In this case, the man didn't look like he belonged with the lady and, no, he wasn't rich. I inquired as to what she saw in him and got from the relationship, it came down to the trust of his vision in her. When I asked what that meant, she said that early on, he had communicated to her his needs in the relationship that seemed very honest and that he has not changed from that original premise. She went on to tell me that it was refreshing with her that he never found it necessary to play any games as far as his needs went and she didn't get invested in the relationship and then find that he was different as far what he wanted later.

The man, went on to say that the tact had often cost him relationships, that he was sure of, but he knew that if he stayed true to his principles that he would eventually find his dream relationship.

As far as I could tell, he had.

Relationships are a complicate being, and sometimes, I swear, I am better off with my cat. I will persevere as I know that the learning never stops. I encourage you to do the same. If you have had one or one hundred bad relationships, keep at it.

When Thomas Edison was creating the light bulb and had failed 1000 times, he was quoted as saying, "I have not failed 1,000 times. I have successfully discovered 1,000 ways to NOT make a light bulb."

Don't worry, your "Light Bulb" is out there. Just remember to communicate your vision of your needs as best you can.

DA Southern is a novelist, an entrepreneur, director/actor, party planner, interior designer and creator of several programs helping men and women find their inner muse in the communication aspect of love by assisting them in writing of Love Letters through his site, Love You Letter and the overall talk of relationships in general at LoveYouLetter.com/LoveRealtionshipsMarriage for resources that may help you as you look at the challenges in your relationship.

Check out The Art of Writing A "Great Love Letter" [http://loveyouletter.com/theartofwritingagreatloveletter/] a book that highlights the emotional and heartfelt way to write a Love Letter that gets results or get on the list at LoveYouLetter.com [http://loveyouletter.com/].