Rescue A Relationship: Dealing With An Abusive Relationship

In order to rescue a relationship from a difficult situation, it is most important to be positive and understand how to restore the love you shared with your partner.

Sadly all too often relationships involve abuse from one or other of the partners. Such a problem arises not only from physical abuse, although that is bad enough, but also from mental abuse at the hands of the person to whom you are the closest.

In such a case is it worth wanting to rescue a relationship like this?

Regrettably, unless the abusive partner is ready to be helped and change their behaviour, the answer is simply to leave. It is too common to hear a person stay loyal to a bullying partner with the reason 'I still love him/her' or 'I know I can change him/her.' Research tends to show however that such a situation gets worse and not better.

Indications Of An Abusive Relationship

Most people associate abuse with domestic violence, the most obvious type that is characterized by the use of physical violence and intimidation. The instances of this type of abuse are difficult to quantify, as by it's very nature it is a private matter and will often not be reported. What indications we have however tend to show the level of this type of abuse increasing.

Statistics in Britain show that during 2007 10% of men and 19% of women reported being the victim of physical abuse from a partner at least once since the age of sixteen. In some countries this figure may well be greater. Interestingly the problem exists across all socio-economic groups and indeed over both sexes. The problem is fairly widespread and more women suffer physical violence than men but the gap seems to be closing slightly.

Physical abuse is not the only aspect of abuse however. Emotional abuse is likely to be much more common and, while it is less obvious, it can be as damaging if not more so. Very often physical abuse is accompanied by a level of emotional abuse too.

Such mental or psychological abuse employs guilt, shame, fear or intimidation or a combination of these. Threats may be made against the partner or perhaps his or her friends and relations. Sadly this has the effect of minimizing the self-worth of the victim and creating a mood of helplessness and desperation.

Far too common too is a level of sexual violence when a partner is forced to have sex against his or her will. Once again this may involve both psychological and violent behaviour.

The signs you are in an abusive relationship are fairly clear. You will be treated badly by your partner, perhaps by being criticized constantly, being treated purely as a sex object, finding you are being checked upon, frequently being yelled at, experiencing excessive jealousy, you or your children being threatened, becoming deliberately isolated from family, friends and/or money, finding your property destroyed or stolen or even suffering your partner threatening suicide if you do not comply with his or her demands.

There seems little doubt that for a relationship to work there needs to be honest and open communication. This means you will know things are not right when you become afraid to broach certain subjects with your partner or simply live in fear or antagonizing him or her. You may even start to feel you deserve to be badly treated or that you cannot do anything right. You will find yourself doing everything to please your partner.

Should You Rescue A Relationship?

The abusing partner frequently refuses to admit he or she is trying to dominate you or will make excuses for their words or actions. It would nonetheless be worth in the first instance talking to your partner and explaining how you feel and the effect the abuse is having on you.

It is important to never rationalize or understand what he or she is doing. Often abusers were the victims of abuse when younger but will be more cold and calculating than you might suppose. They will abuse a partner out of earshot of any witnesses and strike at a part of the body where cuts and bruises will not be easily seen. It is always a mistake to believe they cannot help their behaviour: we all have a choice.

Be honest with yourself about your situation. Seek out help, as you never need to face the situation alone; more and more agencies are seeking to understand and deal with the problem and are ready to assist victims who approach them for help. Police forces for example are realizing how much domestic abuse can escalate into serious crime and will act quickly once such a situation has been identified.

Children are particularly vulnerable in an abuse situation. Their home is usually the centre of their universe and they are especially sensitive to any friction between their parents. A little while ago I was aware of an abusive relationship that had been going on for years where the father severely restricted the movements of the mother and regularly beat her. When things got particularly ugly the children would dash into the road outside in terror. The children are now grown up but still display the scars of the abuse in their behaviour.

It is possible for abusers to civilize their behaviour but sadly too many will never admit they have done anything wrong. If this letter situation exists, there is little a victim can do except leave the vicinity and go to a place unknown to his or her partner. A worrying statistic shows that 75% of women murdered by an abusive partner are killed after they have left the relationship so it is important for them to find some sort of protective environment and not to try to rescue a relationship.

Conclusion

Therapy is available for both parties in an abusive relationship but this does rely on their cooperation. There seems little doubt that the best action, certainly in the short-term, is for the partners to stay completely apart to improve the health and well-being of both of them.

The temptation is to rescue a relationship on every occasion but unfortunately there are times when it is better to protect yourself and your family. In those instances trying to rescue a relationship is the wrong thing to do.

Keith Braithwaite is a generally nosey and opinionated guy but his heart is in the right place. After nearly thirty years in the corporate world and twenty keenly observing direct selling, he is now following interests in self-development, internet marketing and historical studies and is fascinated by human nature and behaviour.

Keith now likes to help people rescue a relationship from his site http://RescueARelationship.com

Rebuild trust in a relationship.

Total Wellness - Dealing With Health And Wellbeing At The Source

Wellness includes your mind, your body and your soul. Happy people are usually healthy people. People who are stressed and worried, or angry or complacent become unhealthy. No matter what they eat or drink. The science of health is internally connected to the science of the mind and attitudes to life. We approach health from a holistic angle in order to remain young and vital in love. There is no value in blaming ourselves for our state of health. But we can empower ourselves to be as healthy as possible.

Wellness also includes the connection between our emotional body and our physical body. This is where the real empowerment comes from. Insights can come through body mind science as a natural way of understanding the total health of the body. In this ancient art we believe the mind and the body to be one, and that the body's health is the most accurate measure of the health of the mind. The body is natures bible. Constitutional Analysis at work eBook

Wellness is a very spiritual thing. Simply put, happiness in mind and body causes us the confidence to do what we are born to do and this is a very spiritual experience. Finding youthful vitality comes through wellness. This is not a new science. 6,000 years ago Ayurvedic scientists found that people who lived in tune with the unique combination of these elements that is their constitution, found health and happiness easily. And those who defied - or lived out of balance, suffered disease and struggle.

Wellness in the mind means to expect the best from life. This is not to be confused with greed, sex, emotional instability and excess eating. Many overweight people are simply replacing love for life, with food for life, diets therefore, are rarely the answer. What is extraordinary, is the application of this amazing study to relationships and business. Choosing staff, creating productive environments, aligning healthy job descriptions with natural talents has the potential to increase the effectiveness of the business world, while reducing stress.

Wellness is a state of mind that causes health. False expectations, unrealistic goals, unfinished business from past experiences all attack our mind and cause ill health. It is the job of any wellness program to address these issues and clear them - permanently. Constitutional Analysis is based on your body type. Your body can tell us more about your mind, than your mind can tell about your body. The beauty of it is that, you can read these simple signs spontaneously. So, not only do you understand yourself better, but you understand others equally well.

Wellness also requires a good perspective on life. Many people are so judgmental and yet, they fail to see the effect of those judgments on their own health. How we treat others is how we treat ourselves. So, we teach people, that instead of dividing the world into demographics (locations), or psychographics (thoughts), constitutions will be a far more honest and accurate grouping of behavioural traits. Earth people act that way universally while Air people are the same the world over. Their buying patterns are identical and their product hopes the same with highly predicable needs and values. With this, the opportunity to serve clients and their requirements becomes more honest, accurate and spontaneous.

Wellness also comes from self respect. Valuing your body mind through constitutional analysis will reveal information right from the food you eat, the cause of your moods, identify the colours that calm you and the music that can inspire you. It makes being you, so much easier. It's a simple way to be conscious and unique.

Wellness, at the end of the day, is energy. Energetically you feel different when you are healthy and well. This requires a balanced approach to mind, body and spirit development. Youthful people are clear and balanced people. Constitutional analysis is a great gift for youth as well. For decades, a normal child has been forced to live the way his society, family, race or country wants him to live. Nobody wants to know what is in him. The child goes through molding or reshaping of various kinds. By time he is an adult there is a big, thick, concrete wall between his True Nature and body. This wall comprising of patterns, beliefs, personalities, habits and so on, does not have anything to do with him. His Pre Nature is dying inside so a life built on or based on these 'non-constitutional' patterns will never give fulfillment.

http://www.chriswalker.com.au Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris?s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au -- http://www.chriswalker.com.au

Dealing With Relationship Anxiety

As far as I'm concerned there is nothing worse than relationship anxiety and finding methods for dealing with relationship anxiety is a very important part of steering clear of the giant iceberg your ship is headed for. The trick is to have both parties on board when a change of course is plotted.

But before trying to get your partner to board your vessel to tranquility first you need to ask yourself whether or not you have anxiety issues. If the answer is yes, then only after you take care of your own anxiety should you consider directing your partner to overcome their anxiety.

Okay, a little time has gone by, you have addressed your anxiety and now are ready to get your partner on board the ship of tranquility. Keep in mind that two people working together to solve anxiety is always better than one. While you may initially feel that you are extending a helping hand, it is not out of the realm of possibility that these tips for dealing with relationship anxiety may benefit you as well. Now let's get down to business.

*Find ways to simplify your joint lives: Generally the less complicated things are the less anxiety exists. Such ideas as hiring someone to come over once in a while to clean your house, or hiring a landscaper to mow the lawn once in a while could prove to be very helpful. There are endless possibilities, but the bottom line is finding ways to take away mundane, time consuming, stressful obligations will free up time for more enjoyable endeavors.

*Walk or hike together: My partner and I hike together two or three days a week. This has proven to be very helpful for relieving anxiety in our lives and seems to be a much better alternative than a conventional health club setting. When you are out walking or hiking your body is burning off excess adrenaline and producing feel good endorphins. There is also a good chance that you and your partner will be carrying on a conversation at the same time. Both exercise and conversation are well known for their ability to relieve stress and anxiety. If both you and your partner are physically able to try this approach it likely will be well worth your time.

A word of caution: Don't let unnecessary negative criticism ruin an enjoyable afternoon at the park.

*Consider a yoga or meditation class together: Yoga and meditation have been around for thousands of years and are still a viable solution for relieving tension. One valuable part of these two alternative therapies is their emphasis on abdominal breathing. Abdominal breathing has been shown to relax the body and mind by increased the amount of oxygen circulating in the blood while expelling tension producing carbon dioxide.

In summary, dealing with relationship anxiety can only be successful if both parties participate. It is difficult to help a person who doesn't want to be helped or fails to recognize they have a problem!

Additionally, many couples dealing with relationship anxiety have found that they need a little extra help and have found that help in the form of natural remedies for anxiety. These are safe and effective alternative treatments that support the health of the nervous system while maintaining emotional balance during everyday pressure, stress, and nervous tension.

R.D. Hawkins is an enthusiastic advocate of alternative natural health products and supplements with over 10 years experience. To learn more about natural remedies for better health visit http://www.purchaseremedies.com

Repair Your Relationships When Dealing With Anxiety And Depression

Determining the connection between emotion and relationships
Digging deeper into your relationship
Using positive actions to strengthen your relationship
Handlings outcomes

It's no secret that as human beings we thrive on own social relationships. Even if we claim we aren't social at all. People tend to always have friends and family that they talk things out with, even if it's as simple talking about a trip to buy groceries. We function better with support. Our moods improve and our ability for our bodies to handle stress improves as well. So it should go without saying that every relationship we encounter affects us in some way, from relative strangers to close friends and family. Taking the time to improve every relationship will surely improve your mood and create a great sense of well-being.

You will learn how to strengthen just about any relationship and be able to use these strategies more and more. More importantly, we will take a close look at intimate relationships since these have the most impact on our mental health, as well learning how to cope with the loss of a relationship which often causes anxiety or despair.

How does a relationship connect to your emotion?

When you are anxious or depressed you become preoccupied with everything that concerns you. Any relationship gets put on the back burner. All of your attention is focused on your own problems and concerns. All of this attention and buildup of anxiety leaves you mentally and emotionally drained and to top it off the people who care about you tend to make attempts to help you. When they aren't successful they become frustrated and helpless, causing them to pull away from you and the relationship suffers more.

Take a few moments to answer the following questions about an important relationship in your life and see if depression or anxieties have been inflicting harm.

Have I pulled away from a relationship? In what ways?
Have I become less affectionate? In what ways?
Have I become more critical or irritable? In what ways?
Am I being less empathetic or showing fewer compliments? In what ways?

As always not everything is always black and white. There could always be other reasons as to why a relationship isn't working. Check with mental health professionals who specialize in couple therapy.

Digging Deeper into your Relationship

Have you ever heard a child make a claim to get a pet for the first time? They explain how well they will treat the animal. How well they are capable of feeding it and walking it and cleaning up after it. So parents indulge in their child's new found responsibility and go out and get a pet. The first week is great. The child does everything just as they said they would. However, by the end of the third to fourth week, the parents are finding themselves cleaning up more after the pet or feeding it more and having to ask the pet to be walked or taking care of in another way. The novelty of the pet and enthusiasm involved becomes interrupted by life and complacency sets in. It's not that this child went out of their way to become irresponsible, it is just that life took precedence.

Relationships start out in such a similar way. We become excited to spend time with another person and enjoy so much with them. We laugh and compliment each other and then one day life interferes and we start forgetting our responsibility to the relationship. We forget to call or make plans. The lack of attention causes the relationship to flounder. By using positive actions and words we nurture our relationships and the strategies you will learn here will help you make almost any relationship better.

Talking it out

Communication it's the foundation of what relationships are built on. Positive communication is needed in all of our relationships because it is healthy and it keeps us free from stress. In order to maintain such a positive environment we introduce a couple of exercises. First one is called The Daily Bulletin. This is when you take the time to talk and listen with your partner. The purpose is to enhance intimacy and should be performed often.

Work with your partner to decide on a time when you will sit and talk about the day's events for 20 minutes.
The goal is daily, however 3-4 times will be beneficial as well.
Commit to meeting times and keep them written down where both of you can see them.
Let your partner begin and speak for 10 minutes.
Ask questions, nod your head and make brief comments making sure to let them know you understand how they feel.
After they are done speaking, try to summarize what they said in a positive manner.
Ask your partner if you are correct in what you understand and if you are not, ask for clarification.
Take your time to share about your day and ask your partner to follow the same rules.

Take time to reflect on how you felt before and after and how much better you feel about understanding each other.

The second exercise will remind you of the power of compliments. When you are anxious or depressed it's hard to think of others and how much you appreciate them, but not expressing it can make them feel unappreciated as well as causes the relationship to suffer. Take a moment to write the Top 10 Things I Appreciate About My Partner.

First write down all the things you cherish and admire about your partner. Include items you feel sincerely apply such as talents, intelligence, caring, helping out, etc. and be specific.
Compliment you partner at least once a day from the list you created or create a new one.
Create a strategy to complete this task every day. Make a habit handing out compliments to everyone you.

After a couple of weeks of giving out compliments, reflect on any changes in the relationship.

If these past two exercises don't fan out well we recommend you see a couple's therapist for counseling. If you can't think of anything you appreciate about your partner your relationship is in serious trouble.

Attending to a Lost Relationship

Losing a relationship can be devastating. Life is imperfect and so are people. Sometimes the loss we suffer is due to death, but other times it's due other circumstances such as divorce, break ups or a relationship dissolving over happenstance. In any case, dealing with a loss causes stress and sometimes depression.

When you lose a loved one it's vital that you still take care of yourself. Making sure you eat and get sleep and stay healthy because grieving take both a mental and physical toll and you'll need all of your resources to get through it. Make sure to ask for help. You can seek helps from friends and family, religious sources, grief support groups and/or mental health professionals. When you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, the better approach is not to hole up in bed or turn to drugs that will only make matters worse, but rather explore your feelings about the person you lost. Review the relationship and what the person meant to you. This process causes you to move on.

Take time to look over the following Grief Questionnaire that will help you explore your grief. Take as much time to answer the questions and don't rush. Expect to feel sadness or even cry, but if you feel you can't handle the exercise at all, please seek professional help.

What was life like with this person?
What did you cherish about this person?
What was difficult about this person?
What lessons did I learn from this relationship both positive and negative?
What has changed about my life now?
What am I grateful for from this relationship?
What am I angry about the most?
What did I enjoy about this relationship?
Compose a letter to the person you lost to provide closure. Express anything that is on your mind.

Becoming Alert

People and the relationships we share with them are irreplaceable. Having said that, after you experience a loss and take the time to grieve and have recovered, it is important to pick up the pieces and move on and fill your life with meaningful relationships and activities. Take the time to help someone else out. It will make you feel better and quite normal again. Talk a little more. Become social again. You don't have to be the life of the party, but simply engaging more and more into conversation with those around you will definitely help you heal. Go out and do something that makes you happy. Even if you feel you aren't ready try doing something that makes you happy. Allow yourself to enjoy things again.

Mike has been writing articles for a couple of years now. His latest passion is on Anxiety And Depression. When you get a minute and you love to check out his site on Anxiety and Depression.