Creating Positive Relationships

I am sure I can offer over ten thousand pages of advice about relationships, but I won't. The world is filled with techniques, books, CDs and seminars designed to help people live together harmoniously. Yet, since the beginning of time, one of the largest problems we face on this planet is the inability to get along with one another. Poor relationships create war, divorce, family separation, runaways, defiance, fear and hostility.

One of my favorite movies is, "Oh God" starring George Burns and John Denver. If you did not see this movie I hope you will. The movie is a classic and full of advice for positive living. One great scene was when God (played by George Burns) appeared to Jerry Landers (played by John Denver) while he was taking a shower. God's request to Jerry, "Tell the world I'm still here. Spread the word that I still care and that the world can work." Jerry is a little distressed by God's request and he quickly challenges God. "The world isn't working. It's not working at all. We need help down here." At that point, God brilliantly replies, "That's why I gave you each other."

I've always believed that God cares for people through people. We need each other for our lives and our world to work. Instead of fighting over the last barrel of oil, we need to change our thinking and understand that our very survival depends on sharing it with each other.

Did you ever walk through the mall and notice someone wearing the same outfit you were? This has happened to me often. Two complete strangers for a brief moment in time stop and smile at each other. Sometimes we may even comment, "nice outfit," or "good taste in clothes," or "you look great." We laugh, and move on. Did you ever drive past someone who had the same car as you? Sometimes when this happens, people nod or beep the horn to acknowledge the coincidence. It's fun to see that someone has the same taste as you or that two strangers have something in common.

How about things we have in common globally? Wouldn't life be great if we could walk up to a total stranger and excitedly say, "Wow, you're on Earth, too? Wow, isn't this great? What a coincidence! We'll have to get together some day and be best friends." This has been the dream of many great leaders. I believe it is a possibility. The following are the five basic elements required to create positive healthy relationships.

1) Open, Honest Communication - before we married, my wife Kathy and I spoke with many couples who were enjoying blissful lives together. We both believe in "modeling" successful people in order to create similar success. Every couple told us the secret to a successful marriage was open, honest communication. Communication is an art form. Whether you are relating to a mate, child, parent, brother, sister or neighbor, your communication skills are a valuable asset. I remember a story about a lady supposedly filing for divorce. The judge began to question her about the decision she had made, so that he could properly hear the case.

Judge: On what grounds do you want to appeal to your husband?

Wife: On the court grounds of course!

Judge: No, you misunderstood the question. What I mean is do you have any grounds?

Wife: Yes. My husband and I own two acres.

Judge: What I mean is, do you have a grudge?

Wife: Yes. We have a two-car garage.

Judge: No! No! No! What I mean is, does he beat you up?

Wife: No. I'm always awake before he is.

Judge: What I mean is was he unfaithful?

Wife: My husband doesn't belong to a church.

Judge: What I'm trying to find out is why you want to divorce your husband?

Wife: I don't want to divorce my husband, he wants to divorce me. He says we have a communication problem.

Although the above story is humorous, it unfortunately happens all too often. The way we communicate with each other will determine the quality of the relationship. Learn to speak to people, not at them. Speak to people in the way they like to be spoken to. When speaking with others look directly into their eyes. This is a sign that you can be trusted and it also demonstrates your high self-image. Before you speak to anyone ask yourself, "How can I say this with sincerity or with tenderness, or how can I make my point understood without creating any hard feelings?" These questions will help you to effectively touch the heart of your listener and a high quality relationship will be inevitable.

Another vital part of communication is to be a good listener. You can win more friends with your ears than with your mouth. When you give your undivided attention to another, he or she will respect you. By listening to others they know that you care and this mindset will create instant friendships. Opportunities are sometimes missed because we do not listen. Nature reminds us that our ears are designed to stay open and our mouth designed to stay closed.

2) Change Your Attitude Towards Others - the truth is that we all have different values. We must never negate someone because their value's are different from ours. Negative attitudes make it impossible to get along with ourselves and with others. This is the basic law of cause and effect! What we give out, we get back. Psychologists tell us that we always see in others what we recognize in ourselves. The world and other people are constantly reflecting back to us - all that we think about it. At the core of your being, begin to recognize the divinity in others and they will soon recognize the divinity in you. Treat all of whom you meet with respect and dignity. We need to constantly ask ourselves the following question about every thought, emotion or feeling we have, "Does this type of thinking create unity or separation?" If the answer is separation, change the thought to enhance the relationship.

Here is a popular technique that I know will help you if you are challenged by other people. The moment you sense a relationship may be threatened, or that someone is about to push your buttons, immediately ask yourself, "What would someone like Gandhi or Mother Teresa do in this situation?" After that, follow your heart.

3) Practice Forgiveness - one of the greatest acts we can perform is the act of forgiveness. This is a master key for high quality relationships. We must remember we make mistakes because we're human. You've heard the expression, "To err is human, to forgive is divine." Every time you extend forgiveness to another person you are expressing your divinity. To express this divinity, it is important that you forgive and let go on an inner level, too. To merely utter the words, "I forgive you" yet still harbor inner resentment is like burying the hatchet but leaving the handle exposed.

I recently worked with a gentleman in New York who was having a challenging relationship with his sister. Apparently, she expressed some unkind words to a lady he was dating. Upon hearing her words, the lady broke off with him and vowed to never speak with him again. Months after the break up, he verbally forgave his sister, but his heart was still angry. He was suffering with all types of psychosomatic health problems which I attributed to his hardened heart. I taught him a great psychological technique that I hope you may find beneficial. I told him to enter a meditative level and mentally speak to his sister. He was to mentally express all of his anger and mentally tell her off. After this, when he was ready, he was to mentally forgive her. He mentally repeated the affirmation, "I now let go of all the negative feelings attached to this event and the negative feelings now let go of me." He explained to me that he felt a moment of peace and serenity after this process as if a big weight lifted from his body. He immediately called his sister and forgave her again, but, this time he meant it. Shortly after this his health problems vanished and he met another lady.

Remember physiologically, when you are angry with someone you create angry, toxic body chemistry within yourself. Similarly, when you curse someone, you're actually cursing yourself and when you hate someone, you first taste the poison.

The power of forgiveness helps us to heal ourselves, allowing us to become whole. It is very difficult when someone hurts us and that is why it is sometimes difficult to forgive. Yet, once we overcome this difficulty, forgiveness strengthens the relationship making us better people. Mark Twain once gave a beautiful definition of forgiveness: "Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet leaves on the heel of the person who stepped on it." That may be the most godly definition of forgiveness I have ever heard.

4) Discover Each Other's Needs - this is a basic rule of thumb for any type of relationship. If you want a high quality relationship, find out the other person's needs and fulfill them. To terminate a relationship the opposite is true - discover the other person's needs and keep those needs unfulfilled. If you want a good relationship with your boss, meet his or her needs by producing high quality work. If you desire a good relationship with your mate or other family members, properly meet their needs with love in your heart. The most fulfilling relationships are the ones where you go to give, not where you go to take.

When you have the willingness to place another's need over your own, you are demonstrating the highest expression of selflessness and love. The more love you give the more love you will receive. When you hold sand in your hand and tightly clench your fist, all of the sand will escape from your hand. However, when you extend your hand and hold it wide open, the pile of sand will sit on your hand and you will barely lose any of it. Therefore, hold your hand out and contribute all that you can toward your relationships. As you put this rule into practice, you will soon discover that giving is receiving.

5) Do Unto Others - this is known as "The Golden Rule." Treat others exactly the way you would like them to treat you. If everyone followed this rule, our planet would become an instant paradise. We would no longer need laws, prisons or a judicial system because we would live together in harmony and in peace. This principle is taught in most of the world's major religions and is an absolute standard for harmonious relationships with others. If you want to have friends, then be a friend. If you want to be loved, then love others. The best way to have your needs met is to lovingly, without strings, meet the needs of others. If you do not want to be judged, never judge another. And if you want to be forgiven, forgive others. This is known as the "Law of Indirect Effort." Practice being the person with whom you would like to have positive relationships. This is the bridge that will help you cross over to relationship fulfillment.

I encourage you to practice and saturate your mind with these five relationship rules. Let these guidelines become an integral part of your lifestyle since these five elements create a powerful foundation for rock-solid relationships.

I wish you luck & success!

John Eric Jacobsen was born to teach and destined to be a writer & motivator. In 1985 John founded "Jacobsen Business Programs, Inc." (JacobsenPrograms.com [http://JacobsenPrograms.com]), a corporate seminar company helping people to succeed personally and professionally.

John's experience is what sets him apart. With a diverse background in business, sales, communications, theatrical arts, dance and acting; John has the unique ability to not only be a great teacher, but also an amazing entertainer who can keep your attention. He has trained and worked with over a half a million people and has performed or taught all over America on stage and on TV.

John has also authored the national seller, "Conversations on Customer Service & Sales." This is an amazing work designed to help businesses improve their sales and enhance consumer relations. John is proud to have the great Brian Tracy as a co-author.

Starting Over After a Toxic Relationships - 3 Tips For a Positive New Start

If you have had the unfortunate experience of being involved in a toxic relationship, you know that it can be difficult to leave it. Often, this is because your self esteem has been chipped away by the hurtful and destructive acts of someone who is supposed to love you and have your best interests at heart. Fortunately, you have resources at your disposal to help you restart and create a far happier life, and better future relationships. Here are 3 tips for a positive new start after leaving a toxic relationship:

1. Make yourself a priority. Attend to your physical well being. Eat healthy foods, choosing organic and unprocessed choices whenever possible. Take vitamins and supplements as needed. Many people can benefit from a food based multivitamin and a fish oil supplement. A naturopath can create a supplement plan specifically tailored to your health needs. Get regular exercise according to your doctor's guidelines. These actions not only improve your overall health, but they send the message to yourself that you are worth the time and effort.

2. Gather your support network around you and spend time with those who love, affirm, and treat you with respect and care. Friends and family can be a great emotional support, as well as filling your social calendar. Remember that your toxic partner programmed you into believing negative things about you. Spending time with positive and living people can help counteract this effect. Don't hesitate to engage support professionals as well. A counselor can be very helpful if you are sorting out overwhelming emotions and dealing with past issues. When you are ready to achieve your vision for your life and attain goals, working with a life coach is a huge benefit.

3. Avoid contact with your toxic ex partner. Especially in the beginning when you are vulnerable, don't engage with your ex. You need time to heal and gain perspective on the situation. If you must have contact due to children, etc, stick strictly to the topic at hand and disengage if your partner tries to take the conversation off course into something more personal or hurtful.

Are you interested in addressing your life challenges from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?

For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html

Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.

Building Relationships That Last - How to Attract Positive Relationships

As I have discussed, life can be like a puzzle, with the four corner pieces in place, the rest is easier to put together. This is a deeper look into the fourth corner, your relationship health. The first corner being your physical health, second is mental health and third is spiritual health.

We are designed to build relationships. Family can be used as an example of a relationship. Although, family is a relative term, it can be used to describe numerous kinds of relationships in your life.

There could be people you care about, and who you are in relationship with, that are not blood relatives. However, because of time spent together building and growing, you are a "family" of sorts. You may also have blood-relatives who have not spent time in your life and although you are related, they may not feel like family.

Family comes from a close nurturing relationship. There is a family you come from, and families you build. Many are lucky enough to have other groups that are considered "family" to nurture them. These kinds of non-traditional relationships are very valuable, but often overlooked.

Research has shown that people who engage in regular social interaction or who have close friendships live longer and are happier. What a surprise! That is what we were designed for. The result of nurturing friendships and family will result in fulfillment and satisfaction.

It is important to be open and sensitive to the needs of others. When feeling low or discouraged, you need only to look outside yourself and find someone else to lift up. Give, Give, Give! Your money, your talent, your time, your encouragement and your love. Whatever you give away in good will, you will receive more in return.

Do more than people ask of you. Look for ways you can be helpful and don't wait to be asked. Practice asking people about their life, their ideas and their family and listen, listen, listen. Make eye contact and put to memory what people tell you.

Focus only on the event you have at hand and decrease multitasking. Be aware of being too wired to technology. Sometimes it is valuable to turn off the cell phone or computer and engage fully in the task at hand.

Give your time to the things you believe in. Even when the tasks seem mundane, give your full attention to it. Consider that you will reap what you sow, when it comes to your attitude about this.

We are often unable to fix our own problems. But we can be used to help others fix theirs. In this way you fulfill the relationship circle. If you could always fix your own problems you would not need to lean on or build relationships with other people. Zig Zigler said, "You can have anything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want."

This kind of thinking will help you develop depth of character. By doing so, your future will become more prosperous and fulfilling. During this process, be cautious not to dwell on the past or anticipate the future at the expense of the present.

You need to value the journey and see the rewards that come from building a strong foundation. Much of your direction is determined from your attitude. A good attitude is a product of good thinking. "Where the mind goes, the man follows."

Watch what you are thinking. Don't just think any thought that falls into your head. Use discipline to keep your mind positive and pure. Whether conscious or not, what you have on your mind will manifest itself in your words and actions.

Just as they say "garbage in, garbage out" it is also "goodness in, and goodness out". So what does this mean in regards to building your foundation of wellness? It means everything. Your attitude will affect the opportunities that will shape your future. Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right!"

Building a strong network of relationships is just one piece of the puzzle. Embrace each piece in your journey with enthusiasm and an outlook of optimism. Believe that when the four corner pieces are firmly in place, you will have created a healthy frame for a lifetime of wellness.

"Wellness Matters" Article Series by Lisa Schilling RN, CPT
Speaker, Writer, Wellness Coach & Consultant

Lisa Schilling is the author of "The Get REAL Guide to Health and Fitness-FIVE STEPS to Create Your Own Personal Wellness Plan" She is juggles life as a doting wife and the mother of three boys, who keep her feet firmly planted on the ground!

Lisa is a Registered Nurse, author and recovering pageant queen, who spreads hope with her Get REAL approach to wellness. She empowers women, caregivers and groups to unleash their fullest potential by helping them to see their true beauty and discover their REAL value.

She feels passionate about spreading this message of hope and acceptance to help others be PROactive about their health and not simply REactive. Lisa uses her enthusiasm to inspire people to value and appreciate who they are. She helps people build a bridge from where they are, to where they want to be.

As an outspoken advocate for wellness and prevention, her motto is: "See one, do one, teach one!" Visit Lisa's website http://www.getrealwellnesssolutions.com to claim your FREE Bonus Gifts!