Correct Perspective About Money and Emotional Health

Preoccupation with Money at the Expense of Health

Becoming instant millionaires or at least being financially rich is the aim of many people today. This has given rise to the mushrooming of self help gurus, books and motivational courses to cater to the needs of such people. People are becoming more and more pre-occupied with the idea of making money and more money. There is nothing wrong with this trend as long as they keep it in perspective and realise the importance of other aspects of life as well. For instance there is no point in making more money if they end up with vast reserves of money and are unable to enjoy it due to poor health. And in most cases, poor health stems from mental stress and negative emotions which interestingly blocks their ability to attract wealth into their lives

Money Cannot Buy Everything

Acquiring money should not be the end result of perseverance. People should know what to do with money and how to get money work for them. They should also realise that money is just a tool to help them get what they want in life and that money is not the end all of their efforts. Then there are many things in life that money cannot buy, so if people live their lives intelligently while being aware of what they can achieve, with or without money, they can be assured of a better quality of life. As is widely known in many circles, you can use money to buy a house but not a home, a clock but not time, a bed but not sleep, a book but not knowledge, a doctor's services but not good health, a position but not respect and last but not least, blood can be bought but not life. So there is more to life than just getting preoccupied with acquiring money.

Money Alone Isn't Enough

When people are solely preoccupied with making money and acquiring material possessions, their world view gets distorted. And they fail to observe all other aspects that are necessary for a successful life, like healthy relationships and good health. This preoccupation and obsession leads to more and more people suffering from stress related ailments. The sad part is that accumulated negative emotions can kill. From my private practice as a hypnotherapist, I find that negative emotions that are not released can get congested in different parts of the body, causing physical ailments, which if left untreated, can even be life threatening.

How Emotions affect our Life

Our life is made up of a constant flow of events, with events from our past, our thought projections into the future and a never ending stream of 'Nows'- all affecting us at the same time. In other words, we are a sum result of our past, present and future. Out of each moment, we weave the tapestry of our life. All our memories, hopes and dreams, successes and failures, depend on what we do with each fleeting moment. Our experience of life is based on our interpretation of each event which in turn again depends entirely on the emotions that we attach to the event. How we feel about each situation, determines our experience of, and our reaction to, the event.

Understanding Emotions for Better Financial Stability

Our emotions affect our thought processes and attitude and vice versa. For example, people can get upset when things go wrong, like when there is a slip up at work, when things are not done on time, when they cannot meet deadlines or when they are overworked. As their emotions take a turn towards unhappiness, their attitude also swings in the same downward direction, becoming prone to more negative thoughts. This soon starts affecting every aspect of their lives. When people are unable to function as a result of all these negativities, they start attracting misery and misfortune instead of wealth, health and happiness. So a good understanding of emotions and how to manage them will help people take charge of their life and adopt a more positive outlook. This way, they are in a better position to attract wealth, health and happiness into their lives.

A Matter of Choice- What will you do?

It is a fact of life that life is not just a bed of roses. At some points in our life, we are bound to face setbacks and disappointments. The question is: Do we get sucked in when we face adversity or are we able to maintain a positive outlook and an optimistic view of life? Are we able to use our skills in situations that take a turn for the worse? Are we strong enough to withstand pressures and survive tough times? Are we able to understand our emotions and manage them effectively? Are we able to prevent outside events like the rise and fall of stocks to influence our judgements or affect our performance? Are we able to rise up to the occasion instead of wallowing in self-pity and resigning ourselves to what fate has in store for us? Are we able to control our attitude and take charge of our life and prevent outside factors from controlling us? It is all a matter of choice. If the answers to all these questions are 'yes', then we've got the right attitude. However, many people have found that despite all the good advice they get about how to succeed in life and despite the numerous motivational talks they've attended and the equally numerous self-help books they've read, they're still clueless as to how to succeed in life- mentally, physically and emotionally. What then is the ultimate solution?

Whose Help Do You Seek When Faced With Emotional Issues?

The more we understand our emotions, the better we'll be in trying to manage them so that they do not adversely affect our performance, both in social and business situations. In many cases, when we get overwhelmed by our negative emotions, we are unable to make wise decisions. This situation can be counter productive in a business setting when we have to make decisions that are financially sound. However there is always a solution. Just as we seek the help of specialists for health reasons, we need to seek the assistance of hypnotherapists when it comes to emotional issues that may seem overwhelming.

How Emotions Influence Judgements

Albert Schweitzer (Jan 14 1875 to Sept 4 1965), a German philosopher, physician, humanitarian and theologian who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1952, once said that most people, especially westerners, tend to conceive themselves as rational human beings driven by rational thought, but he felt that this view was not true. Schweitzer said:

"People undervalue the extent to which emotions influence their judgements."

How can a Hypnotherapist Help?

A hypnotherapist can help people understand their feelings and how to manage them. The way it's done is through the subconscious mind, so the results are more often quite permanent. When I work with clients, I start off with psychotherapy where I talk to clients and help them reframe their thought patterns and feelings. Then I do hypnotherapy with them working according to the issues that are uncovered during the process. Finally I teach them self-hypnosis which empowers them and lets them take control of their life and not be dependent on me. They are able to practice this everyday until we meet again for the next session. This also ensures that the session they do with me is reinforced, making the whole process more effective. And this skill is something they take back with them for life so that if another problem surfaces later in life, they will know what to do.

Take Action Now!

Why wait? If you want to remove mental or emotional blockages to your success and if you want to remove past baggage that is preventing you from being as successful as you want to be, then call me now so that you can start transforming your life. This is the time to start attracting wealth, health and happiness into your life so that you can claim the life that is rightfully yours.

How to Contact Me?

Please email info@petrahypnosis.com or fauziahshah@gmail.com for more details. You may also call my office at +65-64639500 or my business mobile at +65-91000432. To know more before you contact me, you may visit my website: www.petrahypnosis.com.

You may check out my profile on my websites and other internet sites.

With you on the Path to Success!

Fauziah Shah (Ms)

www.petrahypnosis.com

Sacre Love - Be in Your Element in Love - an Ayurvedic Perspective of Relationships that Last

I will summarise these body types here for you

o Earth People - Stocky

o Water People - Round and fleshy

o Fire people - Medium muscular

o Air People - Short thin

o Ether - Tall thin

Ether / Ether

Tranquillity meets wisdom. Life is filled with unlimited ideas, beautiful thoughts, deep and wise conversations, and peaceful and fulfilling discussions. Not bothered about right and wrong. They seek knowledge from each other.

In this relationship two people will reach for the skies and no amount of reality will thwart them. It's a dream come true. High above the clouds two Ether Predominant people will dream and fantasise about the world as it should be or even could be. Space, space, and more space is needed for you both to thrive. They are into touch and feel and sensual delights. Long courtship, foreplay and plenty of after sex conversations means these two need to set the alarm to get out of bed in the morning.

Alarm Bells: It is easy to be dwarfed by Ether, so Etheric, so out there, so sure of themselves that sometimes Ether on Ether means one of the two of you might gravitate to their second element in order to support the other." Warning bells ring here. The unhappiest people have changed their natural constitutional behaviour in order to make another person happy. Hold yourself equal to your partner.

Ether / Air

A new theme meets a perfect caption! Tranquil Ether has met dynamic Air. It is almost like Ether suddenly discovered a new window, overlooking the most beautiful ocean after being in the same room for half a century.

Dreams are now poems. No more just formless dreams, they are spoken words now. These are two creative and dynamic lovers always inventive and tactile. When they can concentrate and relax their minds, the smooth rhythm of Air merges with the outlandish fantasies of Ether to create quite an athletic duo. Far away in some distant land it may all make sense but to an observer these two are visitors from a different world.

Alarm Bells: Although Air is the master communicator; it is often quantity rather than quality that can make working this relationship, a challenge. Air can't help itself, it must share, it must communicate, the rest is irrelevant for tomorrow there will be more, the download can take forever, and listening is not crucial - just a nod every now and then can suffice. Ether thinks a lot, and that's a bit frustrating for Air, especially when Air is talking and Ether is thinking. You both need space, quiet and agreements on talk time.

Ether / Fire

Ideas on Fire. A flame learns to be still. Being with Ether is meditation for Fire. Now, Fire feels cantered, gets more focused at least enough to become more precise.

Love is on Fire for the first time! It's love at first bite. Fire lights the flame and Ether has no interest in putting it out. Its all systems on go. There are places to go, people to see, new ideas to share and no time to waste. It's a lifetime in a week. Everything is possible, the rocket is alight and the ideas are aflame. As lovers anything and everything is possible. With Ethers fantasies and Fires obsessions, this couple can become bed ridden. How long can it last? Oh they both look worn and tired but through it all, lust and love merge for Fire and Ether and life only gets better.

Alarm Bells: Ideas won't work by themselves. Ether doesn't realise it easily. Fire smells it from miles away. Fire's growing appetite and obsession with the results can drive Ether away. The sacrificial love, the sacred Fire of this relationship can begin to burn out if they don't do some careful maintenance. Fire becomes obsessed, Ether begins to drift, the energy is hard to sustain, the highs were highs and the lows can be low. Trust, loyalty and expectations can make this relationship sour easily. It is up to you both to cut each other some understanding. Fire needs space and Ether can provide support.

Ether / Water

Blue sky touches a full river. Water gets a new world of ideology in addition to its nurturing nature. Ether witnesses a new practical meaning to their philosophy, that of giving. Calmness surrounds them.

Ether, all of a sudden, thinks about a family. The feminine aspect meets the divine and the powers of the heavens merge with Mother Nature. This couple can glide through life, giving and taking, sharing a wonderful sensual and exciting existence. The diversity of their element guarantees lots of laughs and the softness of their nature's guarantees stillness. If you are the Ether-Water pair, celebrate the great gifts that nature has brought your way.

Alarm Bells: "When are you going to start taking responsibility?" Water is irritated finally. Indifferent Ether makes Water think that he is selfish and obsessive. The combination of Ether and Water, although a heavenly pair, may just find that too much of a good thing can become mundane. Water's contentment and Ether's virtual reality can clash from time to time. The whole world may begin to become irrelevant, and the relationship may take on a meaning much bigger than ever intended. Be careful to maintain a healthy aspect of exercise, travel and social life.

Ether / Earth

Philosophy is finally put into practice! If Ether inspires Earth with ideas, Earth can spend their whole life on it until fruition. Ether never has seen this before!

The beauty of this love is its dichotomy. The sparks will fly, the flint is often ignited in a positive sense, and this makes for all manner of sexual gymnastics. It makes for creative development and manifestation. This couple can imagine and make it real. It's a formidable duo when the world of the arts considers that such a pair is a stereotype of the great artists. Manifestors who need the muse, and creators who need management. This is the joy and the bliss of this union, a creative but grounded love affair that will never ever be boring (unless one or the other gets too dominant). Earth gives love by protecting Ether from the ravages of the world. Ether gives love by inspiring Earth to achieve their dreams.

Alarm Bells: Control, control, control Ether don't like the way they are treated. The problem may lie in the fact that Ether don't need protection and are happy with things as they are.

So there is a giving that might not be appreciated. There is a loving that might be seen as controlling. It really isn't wrong, just confusing.

If this is your elemental combination, be mindful that the way you see the world of your partner is just that, your view, not always theirs. If you can understand each others elements, you can thank each other for the love, laugh at the different forms, and get on with life.

Air / Air

Dynamic duo. Carefree spirits. Life is full of freedom for them. Friendly lovers? Not impossible. These are linguistic kings and queens, a magnificent merging of spirits, two blessed and happy souls merging in this relationship to find that conversation is a cornerstone of their love nest. Fun, light and open they celebrate life at every turn and find that making things happen is a great joy for them both, while together. People love to be around air - air relationships, they are infectious spreading love and happiness. Sometimes they get so wrapped in each other that they forget that the world is round, it's just one big rose garden for these two kindred spirits.

Alarm Bells: Two angry cats in a bag? Scattered brain? Blocked communication? Inconsistent and unreliable to each other? Don't know what to say? Insecure relationship? You can talk non-stop about this breaking down relationship at the office or in the bed.

If you over wind an alarm clock the spring eventually snaps and so too, Air and Air can wind each other up until they are off the planet. They can emotionalise each other, spin each other out and there's no stopping them. They may very well attack each other instead of taking responsibility to be self aware and self-responsible, and get out of trouble. Be careful my two Air friends - avoid blame at all cost and you will celebrate love forever.

Air / Fire

Dancing winds and a blazing flames!

The relationship is exciting, spontaneous, never bored and light hearted. What dynamics have you chosen? A joyful, fun loving experience with a wild and wonderful life existing between Fire and Air. Everything is possible, with a minimum of fuss. You'll love each other's ideas, be in a hurry to do whatever comes to mind and can keep up with each other's fast pace of change. A sexy couple, you'll find great holiday resorts, fantastic bush walking trips and places to make love no one else has thought of yet. A powerful and wonderful dynamic.

Alarm Bells: Thinking is like talking for Air while living is undertaking action for Fire. While Air talks about it, Fire starts doing it. Air people often change their minds while Fire people may have already committed themselves to it. Then Air changes their mind again and now, Fire is frustrated. Try to understand each other. Air needs a listener, not a doer.

Fire needs to practice 'calm' before they 'storm' into action, especially when dealing with Air. Air needs to do their homework before presenting an idea in this ever-changing world, especially to Fire. Try creating cooling-off periods before action on any new venture or idea. You'll have so much joy and happiness in this relationship as long as you take those precautions.

Air / Water

Elusive air and embracing Water signals an affair of Air and rain clouds. As the Water learns to flow with grace, Air learns to make ripples in Water.

Ahh bliss - the contented pair, the soul mates, who are never apart. Air and Water live in harmony so much so the world becomes an intrusion. Water loves to nurture, Air loves to be nurtured. Water loves to listen and air loves to share. What bliss could befall these two elements co-habiting. To top it all the sex will be beyond comprehension. Long, slow, fun and sensual. A wonderful symbiotic bond means the physical attraction is blended with heart and mind to make a 'Kamasutra' experience automatically.

Alarm Bells: Nature and nurture, the contradiction in the universe. To stay or go, to move forward or celebrate life as it is, Air loves ideas and thoughts and is always looking to improve, invent and develop new and exciting solutions. Water is happy evolving as the need arises. The challenge in this relationship is to manage growth, to decide on when and where to act. Water will wait while air will be impatient to open new doors. Love each other and see that it is the combination of the two of you that really makes the right pace. Love will blossom but be mindful to respect the differences.

Air / Earth

Communication in action. Air, being a voracious talker, articulates well and the Earth is in constant motion. Earth can try to match that in action! Now if there was in ancient times the model of the warrior and the lover, Air and Earth would be it. The brave hands on hero and the angelic being floating in his or her mind - the flowing silks set against the stone walls of the impenetrable castle walls. Yes, we know the hero always wins but his or her secret is always the angel of love. You two will live the magnificence of the ancients. Grapes always in hand to drip into each other's mouths. Undying loyalty and faithfulness, protector and angel, sweet and sour, ice cream and jelly, this is the life that built the pyramids, and you will do that and more.

Alarm Bells: Duty calls Earth, there's that time in the movie when the hero must decide, love or duty, and there is always a tearing of the heart. Air floats on love, Earth survives on duty. The challenge in the real world is priorities. Earth needs to meet his or her obligations and Air can change them in a moment. The daily challenges of work and play, of love and material is the cross you both must bear. Strong lines of demarcation, clear time allocation and no compromise work-home boundaries will make this relationship sail into the future, the maidenhead flying in the wind, the masts trimmed to perfection and the ship, ship shape as always.

Fire / Fire

An explosive, fast and furious team, this is the best combination to analyse and resolve any problem. Here the two Fires can feed each other with what they both need most: stroking. They understand each other, play together intensely, climb mountains together, are part of the same football team, collect stamps together. They are persistent and demanding lovers - looking for excitement, playing near the boundaries, a virile and demanding regularity, Fire and Fire are kindred spirits in all physical aspects of life.

Alarm Bells: Competition can be destructive and jealousy can easily flare up. This competition can kill their bodies. Beyond human action plans and heartless strategies. Premature greying, aging and wrinkling will tell you all about it. Ahh, but there's a catch. Competition means Fire on Fire might just begin to unconsciously play games. Physically they may meet, and in love they may be kindred spirits, but their minds may play games. Jealousy, insecurity and uncertainty can befall the Fire/Fire couple and then a gap can appear. If you are in a Fire/Fire relationship, be alert so that you do not become obsessed with winning - or being right all the time. It's a 50/50 win-win situation. Your partner has strengths in places you don't and for that they can champion your cause.

Fire / Water

A 'precise and caring' team.

Fire spices up the Water's romance. Water formulates recipes. Fire falls intensely in love with them, markets them brilliantly and it's a great family business. Fire and Water, just think about the combination. Fire can turn Water to steam and Water can put the Fire out. A beautiful balancing act of moderation, fun and joyfulness, a great tenderness and beautiful softness that can sweep these two into love's embrace. Deep and meaningful, long and sensual you two are made for warm nights in front of the open fire. A great working combination, a sensitive caring couple you can also use your energies to help others who don't understand love and life. The romance is physical, emotional and heartfelt. A tender touching and most romantic relationship filled with all the beauty life can bring. Lucky Water, lucky Fire - you were made for soft moments and juicy sex.

Alarm Bells: Fire can take things for granted. It just might become too easy, too comfortable and then resentment can surface. Water thinks Fire is heartless and Fire thinks Water doesn't have any business intentions. Without lots of communication, this polar opposite can fall apart easily. Hey you two, you are in love and there's more to love than just smooching around. Remember the weeks of romance, the honeymoon, that's not for special occasions - it's how it needs to be every day. You both need to make a conscious effort to support and impress each other. With this you are destined to be in a long and happy relationship.

Fire / Earth

Fast and practical partners. They rebuild worlds faster than any other team. Earth gives Fire solid fuel. Fire loves it. Fire burns, transforms and changes the world.

The love will build and material strength will support you both. The world is your oyster and you can rest assured that the energy between you will be thankful, hopeful and joyous. Sustaining the Fire - building the ground beneath your feet will come easily, the team you are is formidable. In bed - well there'll be hours and hours and hours of magic, vital life giving lovemaking.

Alarm Bells: The alarm bells for this relationship are purely self created - Earth may slow to a crawl wanting to put things in order - Fire may see new horizons and growth may be in separate directions. When this happens, destinies part. The future is built into your dreams. Earth - keep up - Fire be mindful not to go off in all directions for the sake of change. Boredom can kill any relationship - guarantee your future - keep growing together.

Water / Water

They are born to nurture each other and anyone around them. Intelligent Water/Water team can hold your attention for hours. They are deep lakes of stillness, calm oceans of silence. When the water moves, you see them everywhere inside, outside and around you.

Intimate and deep relationships are also sensual and intensely emotional. Not many words, but lots of expression, emotional commitments, heaven on earth, love cocoon, two teddy bears hibernating in winter, and with the door shut and the curtains drawn its time for love and smiles and snuggles and cuddles. Two Buddha's deep in compassion, peace and love everywhere signal a reality for any two beings, whose love and passion are soft and comfortable. The joy is infinite, the warmth, and radiant. You two can become a universe in a capsule. There's no turning back, it's slow and steady and long and generous. A giving, snuggling and mushy world of kisses and cuddles and lots of care about the world around you.

Alarm Bells: Food, joy, cuddles and love. What bliss. What about the real world? What happened in the last 5 years? Did you follow up on your career? What happened to the bank account and your health? Be careful Waters for still Waters run deep but they also form swamps. Be mindful of the other six areas of your life. Keep yourself healthy and diversify your interests, otherwise you may end up unable to celebrate love because there's not enough energy or time.

Water / Earth

Water is poetry to Earth's facts. Rocks start melting And Water gets some good grounds.

Earth makes the decisions. Water brings the romance. Hold onto your seats ladies and gentlemen, because these two are about to go on a roller coaster ride which is wonderfully sensual, physical and emotional through thousands of years of history, journeying through the great rivers and canyons and up the tops of the highest mountains. A great celebration of mother Earth, the Water Earth combination screams with rapture at the meeting of minds and hearts. Its one out of the box, a relationship filled with gifts and giving of hugs and holding. A deeply passionate and wildly sexual meeting of hearts! Lucky you two, have fun.

Alarm Bells: Earth wants control and Water refuses it. Earth thinks and Water feels, so there's often a conflict between values and what comes from the tender heart of Water and what comes from the gentle mind of Earth can often arouse much disagreement. How does on then, move forward? Well it's a matter of compromise - don't negotiate - just work on the values, which are important and hold on to them. You can do it, the twinkle in your eyes and the love in your heart can overcome these small challenges.

Earth / Earth

This team is extremely stable and productive, built to last and born to build. They accumulate a lot of wealth and property.

Now here's a couple you'd never ever want to mess with. They have it under control, they know what they want and will protect each other to the death - Romeo and Juliet were Earth and Earth. A couple, whose love died with their bodies. If you are in an Earth/Earth relationship, jump for joy you are about to celebrate the depth of life from which everything is possible. Don't worry about long term - you two are glued at the soul. Loyalty and certainty are your strength.

Alarm Bells: Life can be boring if earth/earth can't get out of their 'repetitive' nature and 'pathologically organised fun'. It can be intense. You both love order, and you both love to be in control, how can you live together like that. In this relationship there is need for balance, and understanding. To evolve together you need time out, tenderness relaxation and just chill time. You need to draw the line at control issues, need clear boundaries so that there's just no confusion whose life is whose. Otherwise, there may be just one too many rules.

Chris Walker is a world leading change agent, an environmentalist and author of more than 20 books. Born and bred in Australia, he consults to people and organisations throughout the world on improved relationships, health and lifestyle through the application of the Universal laws of Nature. The result he offers is that we stay balanced, share loving relationships, work with passion, enjoy success, and live our personal truth. To learn more about Chris?s work and journeys to Nepal, visit http://www.chriswalker.com.au

Your Perspective of Your Spouse and Yourself Will Determine the Health of Sex in Your Marriage

You're married, you love each other, and you know sex is an important part in the health of your relationship. So, where do things stand, have you clearly identified what you both want and are you doing what you need to do to have it?

You have heard it before, regardless the truth stays the same...It's all in your head. Examine what's going on in your head to start the process of having the very best.

1. How do you feel about who you are sexually?

Feeling good about your sexual identity is paramount in what will happen in your relationship with your spouse. When you are secure with yourself, your desires, and your body, you are open to what you can give, receive, and experience together. You're too busy being in the moment when you have confidence and security to step into sex halting issues.

However, when you lack certainty about your sexual identity and your perception of yourself in general your thoughts will be preoccupied with low self-esteem, lack of confidence and insecurity, which when mixed with the stressors of life make for a disappointing, and empty sexual relationship.

Ex: When I have been preoccupied with poor body image my desire to be seen naked, as well as sexual interaction with my husband is overridden by my insecurity. My husband and I both lose in this situation and sex is filed away eliminating relationship bonding moments.

2. Are there any existing issues between you and your spouse that are standing in the way of you enjoying each other?

Women and Men (that's right I'm including Men) can be driven by their emotions and when things are not "right" in the relationship each gender can be distracted and led away from being in a frame of mind that precipitates a healthy, rewarding sexual experience.

Ex: When my husband and I have had a heated discussion, and I'm thinking we should have make-up sex he it not receptive and is does not happen.

Trust is a huge component when it comes to "feeling" as though one can be vulnerable with their spouse. Trust can be violated in many ways in marriage leaving someone withdrawn and feeling trapped. That person may desire a sexual relationship with their spouse, but their lack of trust may leave them feeling as though giving into that will be more hurtful to them than going without it.

3. What is going on with you physically that may be hindering who you are sexually?

Knowing what is going on with you physically is just a good idea in general. Since sex is so good for us physically as well as emotionally and psychologically shouldn't we have a solid idea of how our bodies are contributing to enjoyable sex or prohibiting it from happening?

Take note of what medication you are taking and the side effects on your body. I am a firm believer in doing whatever you can holistically to treat your body before you resort to any type of chemical treatment. Having said that, I realize medication is sometimes a necessity. Learn how your medication may be affecting you, and what you may be able to do about the side effects of it. Don't settle.

Also, be aware of how stress, and yes, age may have an impact on changing your hormones and how that affects your libido, emotions, self and relational perception.

Are you exercising regularly, and taking responsibility for your daily diet? A poor diet and sedentary lifestyle will sabotage who you are sexually and will ultimately affect what you and your spouse may be able to enjoy. Making healthy choices together adds so much to your general health, as well as the health and enhancement of your sexual relationship.

4. How do you and your spouse perceive sex in your relationship?

It's a shame that couples can fall into a rut with how they are handling the sexual part of their relationship, which is often times an indicator of how the relationship is in a rut in general. The problem is they may not recognize they have drifted into a lack luster pit with each other that only becomes more of a barrier as time passes unless they see it for what it is and do something about it.

The fact you that you are reading this means you are somewhat interested in making sure your relationship with your spouse is treated with the love and attention is must have to thrive.

Sex means different things to each of us, and it can become a wielded weapon for some in their marriage. Woe to the spouse, and or couple who use sex as a vehicle for position and power in the marriage. When sex is based on a punishment/reward system the marriage is in trouble.

Is sex an outward expression of your love for each other, your desire to please one another, a celebration of your marriage and union? Do you delight in the fruits of your spouse while simultaneously delighting in who you are sexually with them?

5. What things in your life are you allowing to get in the way or to provide an excuse for not having sex?

Yes, we all have busy, hectic lives and the multitude of things we need to get done in a day's time begin to pile up on us leaving us feeling overwhelmed, tired, and desperate for time without any demands or expectations.

Whether it's career, children, extended family, church, etc...That's demanding our time; we all must find balance in our lives in order to have genuine happiness and good health. It does not take long to get out of balance and start having a long list of negative thoughts which lead to negative feelings, and eventually destructive behavior.

When we are out of sorts in the marital relationship and life keeps coming at us regardless it may temporarily seem easier to use "life" as a means of escape from dealing with what is going on with our spouse and marriage. For example, you find yourself or your spouse saying, I'm too tired, I have a headache, I have to take care of the children, or I have to get this work done, etc...And this is more often than not, a strong indication that immediate action needs to occur. Something is out of balance and should be dealt with to protect the relationship and each spouse from going down a negative path that will lead to dysfunction and often hurtful, negative consequences.

6. How do you personally view sex?

Maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is. The belief system we developed as children can really get in the way when it comes to how we approach, and perceive ourselves and our spouse sexually.

I'm not going to go into all the many ways a faulty perception can sabotage the health of a sexual relationship, but I will say you need to really examine your beliefs. Whether they are spiritually manifested by parents, and or church, or maybe a previous negative experience with a partner, your conscious and sub-conscious beliefs will either propel you forward or constantly sabotage you if not addressed.

Many Christian-marriage books, as well as other well meaning literature regarding sex in marriage refers to the "man's" need for sex in marriage. If one does not use discernment when reading such literature faulty perceptions can be adapted.

If a women thinks that sex in her marriage is primarily about meeting her husband's needs then where is she to be with her own needs, desires, and beliefs about who she is sexually? If a man believes (and in his mind righteously believes) that sex in his marriage is about his wife meeting his sexual needs and nothing else that will probably lead to a one sided relationship that breeds resentment, hurt and frustration. This is merely an example of how distortion in beliefs may lead to problems.

This is in no way meant to disparage the wonderful Christian authors who have written excellent books to educate, and guide couples to healthier, happier marriages.

This is simply meant as a means to start the wheels spinning in your mind as to how you each personally view sex, and recognize any faulty perceptions that are hindering the health of your sexual relationship with your spouse.

This provides a great start to identifying where you and your spouse are sexually in your marriage, who you each are sexually, and what you want. Don't delay; every day is the best day to really enjoy your spouse, yourself and your marriage. Mix together some introspection, connection, discussion and experimentation and you have a wonderful recipe for a fantastic union.

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