How to Be Aware That You're in a Codependent Relationship and What You Can Do About It

You know that your spouse has a problem and needs your help and support. And you have always prided yourself on being there for him. But now you have come to realize that maybe this isn't a good thing. Maybe you have become dependent on his need of you?

Codependence just used to refer to those linked to alcoholism or drug abuse sufferers. However, today's psychologists have a broader definition. "It really is about unhealthy emotional people can be obsessed with the pain and suffering of the other person dependencies," says Carol Cannon, MA, a counselor and program director at The Bridge to Recovery in Bowling Green, Ky.

Six signs you are in a codependent relationship

So are you a codependent? How can you tell? Here are six signs that might suggest you are in a codependent relationship.

1. Do you become obsessed with fixing and rescuing needy people? Codependents are more oriented to other people's reality than their own; they want to be someone else's savior which makes them feel happier about themselves.

2. Are you easily absorbed in the pain and problems of other people?

3. Are you trying to control someone? Is someone trying to control you? Neediness is a hallmark of a codependent relationship. One person's happiness depends on having the other person right there - right now. Not letting you hang out with friends, calling frequently to check up on you, having to be with you all the time - these are controlling behaviors

4. Do you do more than your share -- all of the time? Many codependent people were the favorite child because they did more - took care of the sick parent, got straight A's, cleaned the house. However, as an adult, when this behavior is carried on it can result in that person feeling like a martyr, victimized by doing it all.

5. Are you always seeking approval and recognition? Low-self esteem is a mark of codependence. A codependent person judges themselves harshly; they have difficulty asking others to meet their needs and they don't believe they are worthwhile or lovable.

6. Would you do anything to hold on to a relationship? Do you fear being abandoned? Many adults in codependent relationships come from families where they felt unloved, or were abandoned by either one parent or both. This makes them willing to put up with a lot in order to keep their partner with them.

Reading the signs, you think you may be in a codependent relationship, so now what? Should you leave? Get counseling? It is hard to think of yourself and your needs after focusing on your spouse's needs for so long and fitting yourself around their issues, their demands, their moods. But it is time to put yourself back in the centre, take control and think about what is good for you.

Like any problem, you need to understand what's at the root, says David A Baron, MSEd, DO, chairman of psychiatry at Temple University Health System. "Often the enabler feels guilty about the situation. They care about the other individual in the relationship; [they] know there is a good side to this person. They're hoping against hope that they can go back to the good times - even when it's blatantly obvious nothing will change." At some point, they have to realize that the situation has to change, he says. "They have to get beyond their emotions and look at the history of behavior. This has been a pattern. When you can get past the emotions and examine facts, write them down. Do a little timeline or a score card of bad behavior."

Where to turn for help? Getting professional counseling from a mental health worker, psychologist, or family physician can give you the strength to break away from a codependent relationship, Baron says. Twelve-step programs also help and are free. Group therapy also works well. You meet people who have been through what you have, who can offer advice at a grass roots level rather than approaching you as an authority figure.

Jeanne McKeon, EdD, a psychologist at the Center for Addictive Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston, suggests short-term family therapy which can be very effective. "You don't have to get into years of analysis. You're looking at the family, how it's affecting everybody, what the game plan should be. Getting everybody together equalizes things so no one feels blamed."

There is so much information and assistance out there for those suffering from codependency; all you need is to gain the knowledge of that information and the strength to ask for help. And of course, the more you understand codependency and how it affects you, and your relationships with your family and friends, the more you can cope with its effects.

Nancy Travers, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, specializes in all types of relationships; dating, existing relationships, family relationships, and relationships with friends and business relationships. She also helps her clients overcome anxiety and depression through talk therapy as well as through hypnosis. What sets her apart from many other counselors is that she has counseled in the gay/lesbian community for over 10 years. She also has experience counseling families with elder care issues. Nancy has been in practice for over 15 years and can provide you with the tools you need to approach dating and relationships with confidence. Visit her website at http://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com.

What Men and Women Should Understand About His Sexual Health

If you were to take a survey on the amount of available information regarding sexual health, you would quickly conclude that the topic of female sexual health is discussed much much more than males sexual health in general. When it comes to the more specific niche of anti aging, the topic of sexual health for men becomes a topic for discussion to a much greater extent. However, no matter what the age group happens to be, sexually active men are prone to sexual risk just as well as women. It really does not matter whether the man is heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual male sexual health should not be taken for granted. Issues that could compromise male sexual health should be identified and addressed in order to prevent or minimize safety concerns for both the man and his partner.

Men who are conscious of their diet and physical condition tend to be healthier in general and also healthier sexually. Having a strong cardiovascular system, muscle tone and strong bone structure contributes to good overall health which in turns allows the bodies natural immune system to more readily fight off sexually transmitted infections or diseases. Also, being in a one on one relationship greatly reduces the likelihood of contracting a STD. Especially if neither partner uses intravenous drugs.

Some of the diseases or disorders associated with male sexual health are:

When a male ejaculates prior to or immediately after penetration, this is referred to as premature ejaculation. This can happen when he is either overly aroused, is experiencing anxiety or has lost control. When sperm is somehow forced backwards up into the bladder instead of out of the penis, this called retrograde ejaculation. Finally when the ejaculation occurs so slow that it does not allow orgasm, than this referred to as retarded ejaculation. When the male is not able to become erect or the erection does not last long enough to have sexual intercourse or ejaculation, this condition is referred to as erectile dysfunction or impotence. The causes for this can be medical or psychological.

Some men experience a reduction in sexual desire. There may be a number of different reasons for this to occur. It could be psychological, diabetes, high blood pressure, medications or lowered testosterone. As mentioned above men are usually not prone to sexually transmitted infections or diseases if they practice safe sex, are in a monogamous relationship and do not take intravenous drugs or have sex with a partner who uses intravenous drugs. However, if he does contract a STD or STI, he will experience symptoms such as urination problems, urine with blood, a discharge from is penis, lesions or sores or itching on the genitals.

If a person does experience any of the sexual problems cited above, the best advice is to obtain medical attention immediately. No matter if the underlying cause is physical or psychological, there are numerous therapies that can bring about successful resolution of the problem. In many instances the therapy involves both a physical and psychological component to address not only the physical, but the mental and social impacts of the problem.

Immediate medical assistance must be sought when it comes to problems concerning male sexual health. Diagnosis is usually done through physical and psychological exams, as well as a thorough evaluation of medical history. Treatment usually comes in two phases: medical treatment for physical symptoms and psychological therapy for mental and social factors.

To find out more on this topic, and other anti aging issues and products, please visit Anti Aging Products.

Correct Perspective About Money and Emotional Health

Preoccupation with Money at the Expense of Health

Becoming instant millionaires or at least being financially rich is the aim of many people today. This has given rise to the mushrooming of self help gurus, books and motivational courses to cater to the needs of such people. People are becoming more and more pre-occupied with the idea of making money and more money. There is nothing wrong with this trend as long as they keep it in perspective and realise the importance of other aspects of life as well. For instance there is no point in making more money if they end up with vast reserves of money and are unable to enjoy it due to poor health. And in most cases, poor health stems from mental stress and negative emotions which interestingly blocks their ability to attract wealth into their lives

Money Cannot Buy Everything

Acquiring money should not be the end result of perseverance. People should know what to do with money and how to get money work for them. They should also realise that money is just a tool to help them get what they want in life and that money is not the end all of their efforts. Then there are many things in life that money cannot buy, so if people live their lives intelligently while being aware of what they can achieve, with or without money, they can be assured of a better quality of life. As is widely known in many circles, you can use money to buy a house but not a home, a clock but not time, a bed but not sleep, a book but not knowledge, a doctor's services but not good health, a position but not respect and last but not least, blood can be bought but not life. So there is more to life than just getting preoccupied with acquiring money.

Money Alone Isn't Enough

When people are solely preoccupied with making money and acquiring material possessions, their world view gets distorted. And they fail to observe all other aspects that are necessary for a successful life, like healthy relationships and good health. This preoccupation and obsession leads to more and more people suffering from stress related ailments. The sad part is that accumulated negative emotions can kill. From my private practice as a hypnotherapist, I find that negative emotions that are not released can get congested in different parts of the body, causing physical ailments, which if left untreated, can even be life threatening.

How Emotions affect our Life

Our life is made up of a constant flow of events, with events from our past, our thought projections into the future and a never ending stream of 'Nows'- all affecting us at the same time. In other words, we are a sum result of our past, present and future. Out of each moment, we weave the tapestry of our life. All our memories, hopes and dreams, successes and failures, depend on what we do with each fleeting moment. Our experience of life is based on our interpretation of each event which in turn again depends entirely on the emotions that we attach to the event. How we feel about each situation, determines our experience of, and our reaction to, the event.

Understanding Emotions for Better Financial Stability

Our emotions affect our thought processes and attitude and vice versa. For example, people can get upset when things go wrong, like when there is a slip up at work, when things are not done on time, when they cannot meet deadlines or when they are overworked. As their emotions take a turn towards unhappiness, their attitude also swings in the same downward direction, becoming prone to more negative thoughts. This soon starts affecting every aspect of their lives. When people are unable to function as a result of all these negativities, they start attracting misery and misfortune instead of wealth, health and happiness. So a good understanding of emotions and how to manage them will help people take charge of their life and adopt a more positive outlook. This way, they are in a better position to attract wealth, health and happiness into their lives.

A Matter of Choice- What will you do?

It is a fact of life that life is not just a bed of roses. At some points in our life, we are bound to face setbacks and disappointments. The question is: Do we get sucked in when we face adversity or are we able to maintain a positive outlook and an optimistic view of life? Are we able to use our skills in situations that take a turn for the worse? Are we strong enough to withstand pressures and survive tough times? Are we able to understand our emotions and manage them effectively? Are we able to prevent outside events like the rise and fall of stocks to influence our judgements or affect our performance? Are we able to rise up to the occasion instead of wallowing in self-pity and resigning ourselves to what fate has in store for us? Are we able to control our attitude and take charge of our life and prevent outside factors from controlling us? It is all a matter of choice. If the answers to all these questions are 'yes', then we've got the right attitude. However, many people have found that despite all the good advice they get about how to succeed in life and despite the numerous motivational talks they've attended and the equally numerous self-help books they've read, they're still clueless as to how to succeed in life- mentally, physically and emotionally. What then is the ultimate solution?

Whose Help Do You Seek When Faced With Emotional Issues?

The more we understand our emotions, the better we'll be in trying to manage them so that they do not adversely affect our performance, both in social and business situations. In many cases, when we get overwhelmed by our negative emotions, we are unable to make wise decisions. This situation can be counter productive in a business setting when we have to make decisions that are financially sound. However there is always a solution. Just as we seek the help of specialists for health reasons, we need to seek the assistance of hypnotherapists when it comes to emotional issues that may seem overwhelming.

How Emotions Influence Judgements

Albert Schweitzer (Jan 14 1875 to Sept 4 1965), a German philosopher, physician, humanitarian and theologian who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1952, once said that most people, especially westerners, tend to conceive themselves as rational human beings driven by rational thought, but he felt that this view was not true. Schweitzer said:

"People undervalue the extent to which emotions influence their judgements."

How can a Hypnotherapist Help?

A hypnotherapist can help people understand their feelings and how to manage them. The way it's done is through the subconscious mind, so the results are more often quite permanent. When I work with clients, I start off with psychotherapy where I talk to clients and help them reframe their thought patterns and feelings. Then I do hypnotherapy with them working according to the issues that are uncovered during the process. Finally I teach them self-hypnosis which empowers them and lets them take control of their life and not be dependent on me. They are able to practice this everyday until we meet again for the next session. This also ensures that the session they do with me is reinforced, making the whole process more effective. And this skill is something they take back with them for life so that if another problem surfaces later in life, they will know what to do.

Take Action Now!

Why wait? If you want to remove mental or emotional blockages to your success and if you want to remove past baggage that is preventing you from being as successful as you want to be, then call me now so that you can start transforming your life. This is the time to start attracting wealth, health and happiness into your life so that you can claim the life that is rightfully yours.

How to Contact Me?

Please email info@petrahypnosis.com or fauziahshah@gmail.com for more details. You may also call my office at +65-64639500 or my business mobile at +65-91000432. To know more before you contact me, you may visit my website: www.petrahypnosis.com.

You may check out my profile on my websites and other internet sites.

With you on the Path to Success!

Fauziah Shah (Ms)

www.petrahypnosis.com

The Truth About Mental Health Disorders

Throughout the world's population, mental disorders are quiet prevailing, and yet it remain greatly misunderstood by the people. Even for those who find themselves afflicted with even common mental disorders, discover that there is much to be learned about their particular illness, including symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, and recovery, which is different for everyone. For others, they keep themselves thinking happy thoughts, so that they don't harm anyone else. In order to keep symptoms at quest other tend to have different combinations of treatments even though that chronic disease or mental disorders have varying levels of severeness.

A lot of people are affected by mental health disorders. These kind of illness can deeply intervene with the individuals ability to maintain healthy relationships and function in society in a normal way. It is necessary to seek help from a professional when mental disorder interrupt the person's life and his family.

There is the best deal of information available online, such as the fifty-two most common mental health disorders, medications, news, recovery stories, links, diagnosis, symptoms, treatments, articles, support groups, and research from different agencies. The National Alliance on Mental Illness at http://www.nami.org is a good comprehensive site to find material regarding mental health disorders. Some other sites worthy of mention include http://www.mentalhealth.com, where visitors can select a topic to find information about mental health disorders and related issues. Women should check out http://www.ivillage.com for essential women's health and wellness information. For more material on mental health disorders and links to relevant sites organized by groups of disorders, self help section, ask a therapist, depression tests, and compatibility quizzes visit http://www.planetpsych.com.

Complete relief of symptoms is impossible it's because mental health disorders can be very weakening for several patients in many cases. It takes the right combination of medication, psychotherapy, and full participation from the patient, who must take responsibility and make positive choices. There are some good pharmaceuticals that are now available to people with mental health disorders, which has made it possible for them to lead a relatively "normal" life. In some older psychotic medications, the side effects were far worse than the symptoms which are not well controlled. In this case, electro shock therapy was usually recommended by the psychiatrist; just imagine "One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest". We are thankful that modern technology and continued research of the brain and mental health disorders, has lead to great advances in this field, which have greatly improved patients' quality of life.

It is difficult to a family having a loved one who has a mental illness especially if they are trying to deal with the situation on its own. It is important to the family to seek help for mental health disorders because the situation will most likely become worse if is untreated.

We should approach mental health disorders as any other illness. Conditions like bipolar disorder and major depression can be treated with interventions and medication. The unfortunate thing about the situation is that many people suffer through their conditions needlessly. Many believe that they just need to "snap out of it" and when they find that they are unable to do that they become even more impatient and dismayed. Having mental health disorders is much like having a sickness that can be treated with some medication and some therapy.

Having a diabetes a family member is highly unlikely that the illness would be ignored. For some reason mental health disorders are legitimate illnesses that require treatment. You shouldn't ignore the sign of diabetes as well as the signs of mental illness.

We should not treated mental health disorder slightly. It is better to seek help than to suffer needlessly. Isn't always easy to find information for a number of conditions. Sites like mentalhelp.net are designed to provide helpful information that can enlighten you as to whether or not you want to seek advice from a professional.

The stigma associated with mental illnesses as well as developmental disorders is falling by the wayside as we begin to understand the mental health disorders better. If people seek the necessary information and help they can lead happy, productive lives.

Crizza For more information on how self hypnosis [http://www.blogs1.com/2007/11/12/29578/] can help mental health disorders, please visit our web site

Answers About Healthy Relationships

1. What does a healthy relationship look like?

2. What do I do if I love someone and they keep hurting me?

3. What do I do if I love someone and they don't want to commit to me?

4. How do I know if someone is right for me?

5. What do I do if my boyfriend only wants to see me when he drinks?

6. How can I help to heal the wounds of someone I love?

7. What kind of standards should I have in a relationship?

8. What do I do when I don't feel comfortable "being in love" with someone else?

THE ANSWERS

1. What does a healthy relationship look like?

A healthy relationship is based first and foremost on trust. It stems from both people being authentic, genuine, caring about themselves and the other person. There is mutual respect, and appreciation. There is an expressed desire from both people to be in the relationship, and for it to flourish. You would never do to the other what you would not want them to do to you, in any manner, and in any way. Both people are there for each other during difficult times. If there is a disagreement, it is discussed openly and honestly so that you can come to a mutually agreeable solution. There is compromise and acceptance from each person for the other, but never at the expense of your dignity.

Each person knows they are safe to bring up anything that they are not happy about, so that it can be worked out and not fester into more than it really is.

All healthy relationships require personal emotional and psychological health, as well as sobriety. How can you really get to know someone when they are intoxicated? You can't! So it is vital that you are both straight and sober if you want authenticity and clear communication to resolve any matter that may come up.

A healthy relationship stems from both people being open and willing to discuss anything. There is no avoidance, punishment, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, or ill intentions.

There is sexual chemistry that is expressed in a loving and healthy manner, so that you can really make love to the one you are with, from your heart, and have fun while you're at it.

It is based on intellectual and spiritual compatibility, shared ethical standards, and a common bond based on love that will endure any difficult time.

Healthy relationships take work on both parties. They do not just "magically happen" and stay "happy forever after." Each person has to show that they want the relationship to work, and they work hard by authentically communicating - that is the key - it is healthy communication, combined with all of the above. If you've got someone like this in your life, and you love them, then you've found a gem!

2. What do I do if I love someone and they keep hurting me?

Are you a doormat or a human being? If someone keeps hurting you, first you can discuss it with them, and let them know what they did, how you feel, and what you would prefer. If they then change their actions and never do that again, that is fantastic! However, if they keep saying "I'm sorry" and keep repeating their hurtful actions the only thing you can do is leave.

You did not choose to come into this life to put up with abuse in any form. If you are not being respected enough, then it's time you respected yourself enough to walk, permanently.

When someone really loves you, they will do what it takes to keep you in their life. If they are mistreating you, then you have to ask yourself one serious question: "Is this what I really want?" If the answer is "no, but..." then the only one you are bullshitting is yourself.

The more self-love you have, the more of a zero tolerance you will have for bullshit. It takes a LOT of guts to take an inner stand, and show it in your actions, for yourself on the outside. You are not a toy, or a person that has to walk on eggshells to wonder what is coming next.

If you can forgive the other person, and forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be treated less than the way you deserve, then you can walk away without bitterness, and with your head held up high. You can be honest, and the most important honesty is in your actions. If you threaten to leave the relationship, but you never do after repeated mistreatment, then the only one you are really hurting is yourself. You deserve to be treated exactly the way you would treat someone else.

This means that the relationship is equal and reciprocal. Anything less than that is far less than you deserve, and you will meet someone else that can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Never settle!

3. What do I do if I love someone and they don't want to commit to me?

You date other people, and live your own life to its fullest, and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone that DOES want it all with you.

Real love never dies. You can love someone and still live a full life. You can love someone and not be together. You can love many people in your life, and still be good to them. But to place yourself "on hold" and not even give yourself the chance to meet someone else is perpetual agony.

You can't make someone want to commit to you, or play games either, because they never work. Be really honest with yourself and ask yourself if the person ever let you know that they didn't want to get too involved. If they let you know, then that is your answer. It might hurt, however, if you are getting the truth, you can't change someone's truth.

Imagine if someone was in your life and you really didn't want to commit to them. They would simply have to accept that and keep in living their own life. That is really all you can do, and the most important part of it all is how passionate you are about your own life! If you are with someone to fill a void within yourself, that void will never be filled! YOU have to fill the inner void you feel with all you are passionately absorbed in. Discover your life purpose. The person can be a PART of your life, not your central and universal focus. There is a BIG difference.

Love YOURSEELF enough to really LIVE, and swing the doors WIDE open to meet someone that DOES want to be with you. If the feeling is mutual, and you are communicating, sharing interests, and really being there for each other, that is a LOT better than keeping yourself on the sidelines hoping that maybe someday the person will change their mind.

Get on with your life, and have some faith that certain people enter our lives for profound reasons. Many times it is a lesson in self worth, self value, and self love. The ONLY way anyone will have the capacity to love you wholeheartedly is then they love THEMSELVES wholeheartedly.

There is nothing you can do to "fix" that, You can only heal within your own self, and that is exactly what you deserve to do.

4. How do I know if someone is right for me?

Do you love their company? Can you talk to them about anything in the universe? Can you tell them things you would never tell anyone else? Is there real passion in bed? Do you share similar values and interests? Do you respect each other? Can you be real friends? Are you there for each other during times of need? Do you know each other's family and friends? Are you EACH showing each other in your ACTIONS that "this is it"? If you answered yes to those questions, and you can really communicate, then you are with someone that is right for you. How fantastic!

5. What do I do if my boyfriend only wants to see me when he drinks?

You have two options, because this is YOUR choice.

Option One: You can receive many mixed messages from induced intoxication, and receive even more mixed messages during those sober moments, resulting in much confusion and pain - Or:

Option Two: You can realize that you are with an active alcoholic, and if they do not want to get help, then the only thing you can do is open the door for someone that can give you clear and sober messages all of the time, and create a relationship with a person that loves themselves too much to destroy themselves in front of your eyes.

Alcoholism is a permanent, life-long disease.

Either you are with a drunk, or you are with a person that is sober, period. It's like being with a person that's a little bit pregnant. Either they are, or they are not.

If the person does go to get help at an anonymous meeting place, and is in active treatment to heal, then by all means, if you love them, support them, forgive them, and be there for them, as long as they are being there for themselves!

If the person refuses to get help, and remains a drunk, then your only chance for sanity is to GET OUT of the relationship, so that you CAN have a sober and sane relationship with someone that has the capacity to give this to you.

Give the person their choice. Allow them to make the choice for themselves. You have no right to try to force anyone to do anything that they do not want to do - including heal. You, however, must make the choice for your own sanity, emotional and psychological health, and really get honest with yourself.

It is deeply painful to be with someone that is a drunk. It is even more painful when they won't do anything about it.

It is life renewing when they DO do something about it, and ge the help that they need.

This is a process of deep self-discovery, and requires a LOT of patience on your part to be there for them during a most difficult process.

You can only have a sane and healthy relationship with someone that is sane and healthy. Please remember that!

6. How can I help to heal the wounds of someone I love?

The ONLY way you can help to heal the wounds of someone you love, is when they are really trying to heal themselves.

You cannot "save" or "fix" anyone, anymore than someone else can save or fix you.

We ALL have inner work to do, or we wouldn't be here in Earth School. There is not one person alive that does not have issues to heal, unless they have really healed them in this lifetime.

If someone is deeply wounded, you can love them, and accept them, however NEVER at the expense of your safety and self worth.

So if someone had a terrible childhood, and they are hitting you, then you MUST GET OUT of this relationship - because this is ABUSE.

If someone has difficulty communicating their emotions, then you can understand. There is no such thing as "the perfect person." Everyone has flaws, everyone.

It is the DEGREE of the flaws, and how it is impacting your life, as well as how committed the person is to you in the relationship.

If you are committed to each other, and there is a deep love, then be loving and supportive, always.

If they are using their troubled youth as an excuse to cause abuse and harm to you, then they are just living a life of excuses and doing nothing to really be there for you. So is this what you want? The choice will always be yours.

If someone is actively really working on themselves, and you are not in danger, and you are in a real relationship, then be towards them how you would like them to be towards you.

If you are being mistreated, abused, lied to, cheated on, then you are not being in a real relationship - you are being a real doormat!

Heal your OWN wounds, and then as you grow with more self-love, you will see the difference in what you will and will not tolerate. Always be true to yourself - this is the only way you can ever have the capacity to be true to someone else.

7. What kind of standards should I have in a relationship?

Each person is different, and each person has preferences that they absolutely could not live with, or without in a relationship.

Ask what yourself what you are really looking for in a person, and how you really want to be treated. Ask yourself what really matters to you, and what is not so important.

For example: Some people "must" be with someone that is intellectually deep and stimulating, where someone else would absolutely abhor intellectual conversations and intellectual stimulation.

Some people love food, a lot, and want a partner that also loves food, cooking, eating out, etc. Where someone else really doesn't care that much about making food a central part of their lives, and would rather read a book.

I firmly believe that when we are whole inside, have self value, feel self love, and know what WE are all about, THEN we can easily attract a great partner that is our EQUAL.

It all boils down to your preferences. There may be certain things someone may do, like leave the entire toilet seat up when you like it down. Can you live with that? Some people couldn't care less, and some people are fanatical about that.

Then there are character traits that can fall in the "must have" "must not have" and "can live with" area - even if it drives you nuts at times. Some people are more impulsive, and some are more methodical. One is not "better" than another, they are just different, and really can cause a bit of frustration. However, they CAN be lived with, as long as there is acceptance and tolerance in differences in character traits.

Some people love to travel, and "must" have a person in their life that also loves to travel a lot, and often, while another person may just like a get-a-way once in a while.

Your list of standards in what you desire in a life partner must be solely based on your truth. This way you can really have a blast, go through ups and downs, and still be in love when all is said and done, because it was based on truth the entire time, and that is something that will endure for eternity.

8. What do I do when I don't feel comfortable "being in love" with someone else?

If you don't feel comfortable "being in love" with someone else, that is because you have not yet fell in love with yourself first!

It is time for you to really take a good hard look inside of your heart, and up-root every untruth you have ever been told, every lie you ever bought into about yourself, and every insult that you have ever called yourself, and replace that with pure self-love, without an outward condition attached to it.

When you can really feel your own value, and you can appreciate all of the good that you really are, THEN you will feel comfortable "being in love" with someone else, without the fear that you will somehow be consumed, controlled, or lose your self completely.

No one can ever control or consume you, unless you allow them to do so. Start to allow yourself to slowly feel the love you have inside, and take tiny steps to show that on the outside. Once you see that the world is still the same, and you are actually safe, then you can take another step with more confidence.

You can only give what you have inside, so it is not so much that you are not comfortable being in love with someone else, as it is that you have not been comfortable really loving YOU.

True love for Self does NOT come from ego. Self hate comes from ego. So it is a valuable lesson to love every part of your being - especially the parts you want to disown. It is important to view ALL of you as worthy, and not just certain parts of you. There are many people that have many different challenges in life. Some physical, some emotional. However, each one is an inherently special and precious spiritual/human being - including you!

Once you re-train your mind to view yourself with more love and acceptance, then you will more easily and comfortably be able to show this to someone else in return.

© Copyright by Barbara Rose, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

Barbara Rose, PhD. most widely known as "Born To Inspire" is the best selling author of "Know Yourself", "If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!", "Stop Being the String Along", "If God Was Like Man" and Individual Power. She is an internationally recognized expert in the field of personal transformation, relationships and spiritual awakening. Barbara is a pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication, the study and integration of humanity?s God-Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution. Her highly acclaimed books, public speaking events, tele-seminars, widely published articles, and intensives have transformed the lives of thousands across the globe. She is the founder of IHSC -Institute of Higher Self Communication, inspire! Magazine and Rose Humanitarian Alliance. Barbara holds a Ph.D. in Metaphysics and works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time, to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity. Visit her website http://www.borntoinspire.com

Relationship Enhancement - 6 Questions You Should Ask Yourself About Your Relationship

If your relationship isn't all you think it should be, consider what you are doing to shape it, and contribute to its current condition. I'm not pointing a finger of blame; but the simple fact is that you can only think of one thing at a time, and there's only so much time in a day, or days in a lifetime. If you don't think about how you want your relationship to be - it won't be. And, if you spend your time complaining about how your relationship is - that's how it will stay. Here are six-questions you should ask yourself about how you are investing your thoughts and time:

1. What do you spend your time thinking about? Make a list, be honest, and try to estimate how much time you spend on various topics or issues.

2. How much time do you spend thinking about your spouse or partner in a loving, supportive way?

3. How much time do you spend thinking about exactly what you want in life, and in your relationship?

4. How much time do you spend thinking and talking about things with your spouse or partner?

5. How much time do you spend thinking about the same kinds of things your partner thinks about?

6. How much time do you spend thinking about things that make you feel good, or happy?

The majority of people spend their time thinking about work, problems, money, debt, bills, what they're going to eat next, what's on television, or who's doing what to them to ruin their day or life. Most people simply don't spend their time thinking about their relationship in a way that enhances their relationship; rather, they state their views on the obvious and keep experiencing one version or another or the problems and complaints they continue to voice. It doesn't take a brain-surgeon to see that talking about problems doesn't solve them; more than half of the people who get married in the United States end up divorced.

Spend a little time thinking about how you've been investing your time, thoughts, and energy. If you do this with honesty and awareness, with an open heart and mind, you are very likely to notice that your life is a nearly perfect representation of your thoughts. If, for instance, you spend most of your time thinking negatively about "negative" things, you'll probably find that most of your life is negative - and filled with negative things, and more and more things to complain about. Take a moment and think about thinking - think about the thoughts you think. You'll probably realize how powerful and creative those thoughts actually are. Then, direct that powerful attention of yours to focus directly and completely on what you want in life - and how you want your life to be. Then, practice love and gratitude; think about your desires in a loving way - grateful for the fact that they are yours - and keep taking steps in that direction. If you redirect your thoughts, you will redirect your life, health, and even the tone and quality of your relationships.

To download your FREE, Illustrated Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Manual, go to: http://www.ExploreExpandEvolve.com/free_download/

(It only takes about 10-seconds to get your Free EFT manual and start erasing fears, distractions, phobias, anxiety, stress, resentments, negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that could be holding you back and negatively affecting your life, health, and relationships!)

Pete Koerner is the author of The Belief Formula: The Secret to Unlocking the Power of Prayer. The Belief Formula is a look at how you can use ancient wisdom and modern scientific awareness to learn how to use your mind to reclaim your health and create the life of your dreams.

For a Free Report on Making The Belief Formula Work for You, visit: http://www.TheBeliefFormula.com

A Kernel of Truth about Relationships: 4 Steps to Improvement

It's all about relationships! proclaimed my father during our recent holiday visit with my parents. Santa Claus coffee cup in one hand and a wagging finger toward my wife, Elizabeth, with the other. When you retire, thats what you realize is most important in life (okay, so thats not him in the photo).

Dad recently retired from 30+ years as an orthopedic surgeon and the major shift in lifestyle seems to have brought about a significant shift in his outlook on life. For me, his statement about relationships became much broader and more profound than I thought such a simple and reasonable statement could ever become.

At first look, it makes sense that relationships are vital to our lives. Whether it is friendship, dating, marriage, family or community, relationships with others are a part of our everyday life. They give us belonging, meaning, companionship, intimacy and love. But, pulling back from this view and taking a broad gander at the subject I realized that relationships are more than just meaningful interactions with people. When we relate or interact with something we are, in fact, in relationship with it. For instance, our relationship with work, our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with our health and our relationship with our spirituality. By defining relationships from this broader perspective, our relationship list becomes almost endless.

You see, when we look at our relationships, we look at our interaction with every part of our lives; people, places, things, and events. So, what is our relationship to our work, ourselves, our environment, our health, our spirituality? How do we relate to these things? Or, better yet, if it is all about relationships how are our most important relationships?

Coming from the psychotherapy world, I often helped couples, families and individuals improve personal relationships by working through a series of 4 questions. Once I broadened my definition of relationships, I found that these questions are applicable to all types of relationships. The questions go something like this:

1. What relationships do you value most?

Be clear about what you value and which relationships are truly priorities to you.

2. Why do you value them?

Understanding the value these relationships have for you underscores the importance of the relationship and clarifies why a relationship feels important.

3. How do you nourish each relationship?

Now that youve identified how and why a relationship is important, you must define what it is that you do to keep that relationship alive and growing.

4. How do you maintain your commitment through the tough times?

Are the divorce stats really any different from the number of other relationships that end in our own lives (i.e., dropping the diet, forgetting exercise, leaving job after job, putting personal goals and dreams on hold, getting around to the God/spiritual thing when you have more time, etc)? These relationships may not necessarily be a marriage but like a marriage these relationships have their challenging times. Similar to a marital relationship, we must work through the difficult times in our other relationships rather than set them aside until a better time or just plain hope the struggles go away. This is often the point at which my coaching clients seek my assistance.

You will inevitably find that nurturing these relationships is often like a juggling act. Though, once we identify the key relationships in our lives and begin relating with them rather than leaving them on our To Do list, we will soon find that balance in life is an attainable goal and that, in fact, life truly is all about relationships.

© 2004 by Dr. Robert A. Eubanks

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Depression and Relationships - The Good News About Feeling Bad

"...I've been depressed since my baby was born..."

"...I've been unhappy for years, but it got even worse when I lost my job..."

"...I keep thinking that if I'm just strong enough I can just get over it..."

Depression is often seen as an individual problem. But new research shows that in many cases, the best treatment for depression might be improving your relationship.

The Negative Spiral: Depression and Relationships

Depression, no matter what it's cause, is hard on relationships. For Ana, one of my clients, it started when she lost her job. She was bothered that Nick, her husband, was now the sole provider for their family. She wanted to contribute too. And the loss of meaningful work in her life took a toll on her self-esteem. Nick tried to cheer her up by pointing out her skills and abilities. But to Ana it felt like he didn't understand her inner struggle, and she got frustrated. She told Nick she needed some "space". Eventually Nick felt shut out and alone, and stopped trying. Ana felt alone with her moods and even more misunderstood.

This pattern is a common one. It's hard to know a loved one is depressed, and at some point most people will try to encourage and inspire them. But the person who feels depressed is often caught up in a complex and confusing mix of negative thoughts and feelings. Support, whether it's "cheering up" or helping out more, can start to feel like pressure and disapproval. Depression is often a mix of sadness and anger, plus guilt for not being able to "snap out of it". In a relationship, eventually neither person feels effective, and both feel depressed.

It's not only that depression affects relationships. The quality of your relationship is also a strong predictor of whether you will feel depressed. Distressed relationships create depression; good relationships buffer you from it. When a relationship is going well, most people feel appreciated, supported, and loved. When a relationship is distressed, most feel frustrated, anxious, and depressed. We respond to each other's moods in many ways. According to Michael Yapko, "our brains change in measurable ways in response to other people....depression is contagious (1).

A Growing Problem

Depression has become a worldwide problem. The World Health Organization estimates depression to be the fourth leading cause of suffering worldwide, and rising. A national study found that depression affects about 9% of the U.S. Population each year (2). Less than half of these people seek treatment, and most of those who do use medication. The possibility of a fast and easy cure has appeal. But while medication helps some people, recent research suggests that drugs commonly used to treat depression are about as effective as a placebo. Clearly new approaches are needed.

A Positive Spiral: Your Relationship can Improve Your Mood

While distressed relationships can fuel a downward spiral into depression, caring relationships can create a newer, positive cycle. This happened for Ana and Nick. As Ana understood that Nick's attempts to cheer her up were coming from a place of caring and concern, she felt more supported by him. The more Nick understood her struggle, the more he felt more motivated to help. During five months of counseling, I helped them create new, positive communication patterns that helped both of them feel more appreciated and cared for. They were able to share feelings on a deeper level than they had before and spent more time together. Even before Ana found a new job, they felt more like they were working as a team.

Small Steps

Small steps to build closeness can make a big difference in both your relationship and your mood. Here are a few ideas to get started:

Practice appreciation: Find a way to appreciate your partner in one small way every day. I ask my clients to keep an "appreciation journal" -- a small notepad located where both people will see it every day.



Practice having fun: Create moments of fun together every day. Cook dinner together, perhaps, or sip tea together before going to bed. Do something that makes you laugh. Get physical - take a walk, dance, or hug.



Focus on what matters most: Everyone has habits that can be annoying to someone else - one partner is messier, or less organized, or chronically late, or doesn't follow up on phone calls. Understand the



Couples Counseling helps many people reduce depression and increase intimacy (3). A counselor can provide a safe place to talk about difficult feelings; help both partners feel respected and understood; and help clarify and change stuck relationship patterns.

People in positive, supportive relationships recover more quickly from illness and trauma, have better immune functioning and physical health, and have more rewarding family lives. It's becoming clear that depression is more than an individual problem. It also affects, and is effected by, your relationship. Making positive changes in your relationship might be one of the best things you can do for your mood...and your health.

(1) Michael Yapko. (2009) Depression is Contagious. New York: Free Press.

(2) National Comorbidity Study, University of Michigan, 1998. U.S. Population ages 15-54.

(3) Johnson and Greenberg. 1985; Dessaulles, A., Johnson, S.M. & Denton, W. (2003) The treatment of clinical depression in the context of marital distress. American Journal of Family Therapy, 31, 345-353

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Pat LaDouceur, MFT helps people build great relationships. She helps couples solve problems around sexuality, affairs, parenting, money, work overload, and emotional distance. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with an office near Berkeley, CA.