The Compatibility Factor in Relationships - Seven Signs That You Are Right for Each Other (Or Wrong)

Are you looking for someone who is just right for you, but not sure where or how to find him or her? Many people say opposites attract. Maybe that is true, or maybe that is just what we are told as a way of explaining the "mystery" of relationships.

Being right for each other is more about having a "fit" of your personality, habits, and things you think are important. I call this the "compatibility factor". Here are seven forms of compatibility to look for in your relationship.

1. Personality Compatibility: Do you really get along, or find that you are silently irritated with the other person's personality? Are you uptight and your date is laid back? Think about if and how you will handle difficult days. Personality is a very important factor, and the most difficult to change.

2. Communication Compatibility: Are you direct or indirect? Does one of you do all the talking? Is one of you the silent type? Look at your conversations. Decide if they flow, and if they are enjoyable for you.

3. Friends and Family Compatibility: Do you get along with one another's friends and family, or is this a source of stress for your relationship?

4. Health and Nutrition Compatibility: Are you a health food nut or a junk food junkie? Is the only exercise you get channel surfing? Look at if your health-related lifestyles match or not.

5. Financial Compatibility: Are you generous or frugal with your money? How is your partner with their finances? Money is one of the things couples fight about most often. If you share similar financial goals and means, this can be very helpful.

6. Educational Compatibility: Some studies have found (and I have found in my experience and practice) that educational and world experience compatibility are important to many couples. People tend to feel the most comfortable with others who share similar life experiences, professional opportunities, and world views.

7. Intimate Compatibility: Ideas for romance, intimacy and closeness come into play here. One example is PDA (not a hand-held computer) but Public Display Of Affection. You may love to hug and kiss in public, and your date may think it's just wrong. Having a mismatched style can lead to resentments and have a long-term effect on your love life together.

I hope that you learned about some of the compatibility factors in your own relationship. So what can you do if you are not compatible? You can

1. Accept things as they are

2. Work on yourself and the relationship

Or

3. Leave the relationship.

If you opt for change, you can only change yourself. It's unreasonable to demand that the person in your life changes unless they want to. If you are in the dating and selection process, it is much more effective to choose a compatible partner now than it is to "fix" something that is "broken" later. Don't be afraid to let go if things are not working out. Sometimes love really is just not enough. Don't worry, there are millions of singles in the world to choose from, and you can find one that is compatible with you!

I invite you to access our free e-newsletter called the Sexuality Times at http://www.healingcouch.com . You can also take the Ultimate Compatibility Quiz by clicking here http://www.healingcouch.com if you wonder if you and your partner are compatible!

Building Trust in a Relationship in Seven Steps

Trust is perhaps the most basic and yet most necessary element of a successful relationship. It is only when we are able to fully trust our partner and that they are able to fully trust us that we are truly safe and happy. It is easy to get caught up in sensual chemistry, commons interests, that "magic:" that TV and the movies tell us we needs to have when in fact, predictability, routine, and having things we can count on are much more important to the health of a relationship. The seven suggestions that follow will help you to identify if your relationship is a good one and if not, how to make your relationship successful. What follows are seven steps that will help you to build trust in a relationship.

The first thing to look at is consistency. How consistent are you in your relationship? How about your partner? Can you count on each other? Are you there for each other day to day in consistent ways? Romance and excitement are nice adornments, but day to day routine and consistent expectations contribute to a feeling of safety. Being reliable on a day to day basis will build a relationship based on trust.

The next thing you need to pay attention to are communication skills. How well do you deliver your intended message to your partner and them to you? Do your words match your facial expressions? Does your body language match what you are saying? Also, is your intended message being received? Most disagreements in a relationship occur due to a misunderstanding. It isn't the toothpaste cap that is the issue; it is typically an underlying communication mishap. You and your partner need to be able to trust each other's words, to have complete surety that what is being said is exactly what is intended. When your words match your body language, when you say what you mean, you will build trust in a relationship.

Believing in yourself, believing in your partner and in each other's competence as human beings is crucial to a relationship built on trust. If there are aspects of your partner that you are not comfortable with, a gentle and honest discussion about your insecurities is far better than silence, fear and resentment for building trust in a relationship. Finding your partner's strengths and then noticing them with compliments and praise creates a feeling of safety and acceptance in their part. This will, in turn, come back to you. If your partner does something you don't like or is inadequate at something that is important to you, a loving and accepting conversation, while perhaps difficult, will become the base of a loving and trusting relationship.

Complete honesty is imperative in any successful relationship. The fourth step you must take is learning and practicing how to be truthful with your partner. You cannot build trust in a relationship if you are keeping secrets. Secrecy of any kind will destroy the trust in a relationship. Being honest and open can seem basic and easy but it requires intention. The truth will always be revealed and the truth will always set you free. Keeping a secret puts barrier between you and your partner. Secrets require energy to keep and more lies to maintain. This is time and energy you could be putting into your relationship. No matter how difficult it may seem, an honest and open relationship will always be a trusting relationship.

Good communication has already been identified a necessary part of building trust in a relationship but the fifth step, communicating your needs takes this to the next level. It can be uncomfortable to share your needs, especially early on in a relationship. But we get our needs met whether we express them or not and often in unhealthy ways. In order to keep solid in your relationship and build trust it is necessary to share your needs, physical, emotional and social with your partner. You must also be willing to hear your partner's needs and try to meet them. Making your girlfriend or boyfriend guesses what you need or what you are upset about creates tension and resentment which will get in the way of building trust in a relationship. Expressing your needs does not make you selfish but rather self aware and this will go a long way in being able to trust your partner.

The Sixth Step is to learn to say no. It is human nature to want to please others, but when you are putting some else's need and wants ahead of yours all the time it can have a negative effect. When you say yes and actually mean no then you send a conflicted message that will make your partner uncomfortable. He/she needs to know that you mean what you say. It is a good thing when your partner voices his or her needs but you don't need to say yes to everything. Saying no when you need to will help your partner see who you are and respect you because you are laying down boundaries. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Standing your ground, when appropriate, and seeing your partner do the same creates a climate of give and take and will help to build trust in a relationship.

Step number seven is all about you. You must always continue to grow and stretch as a human being. Anything that is alive needs constant nurturing and attention and is always growing and changing. By continually bettering yourself and allowing and encouraging your partner to do the same you become two stronger halves of your whole relationship. You must also continually nurture the relationship as its own living entity, separate from the two of you. Like a river, there are times when the water slows and gets murky. It widens and slows, the bottom disappears. Eventually, to maintain health, the river becomes narrow and turbulent. The water flows over rocks and tumbles down waterfalls. Your relationship will do the same and while the rocky parts can feel uncomfortable, the cleanest water is just after a waterfall. Acknowledging these aspects of a relationship and weathering them together will build trust in a relationship.

Watch this video to learn more about how to build trust, how to get your ex back and How to get your boyfriend back.

The Best Mental Health Counseling - Seven Steps to Stress-Less Success

1) Create a life vision and visit it daily

What I mean by a life vision is this: Where are you going? Where are you going in life? And what are you doing all this for? What's the target? Many people don't have this target or vision in their lives. They're just in motion. They don't really know where they're going. That's not necessarily the worst thing in the world, but oftentimes what happens to people who don't have a destination or a target, is that they burn out. They don't have any purpose for doing what they're doing. Additionally, when I say visit your vision daily, it's to really think about it and visualize your vision. It would be great if every morning you gave a couple minutes of thought, or meditation, and visualized your vision; meaning that you actually see yourself living in that fully fulfilled place, wherever it is and in all parts of your life, not only just your world of work but your health and relationships, all parts of your life.

2) Live from the goals that reinforce your vision

If you have goals but they're not in alignment with your vision, or they don't reinforce your vision, then somehow there are some wires crossed and you won't fulfill either your vision or your goals. When there are wires crossed, we oftentimes have what we call a values conflict. And a values conflict can be extremely draining and extremely stressful. It's time for you to get clear, about your vision and to set the goals that are in alignment with your vision so they really help support and reinforce your vision and help you fulfill your vision. Write them out, and then check in with them occasionally to make sure that you're actually living in alignment with them.

3) Learn and implement your personal boundaries

When you really break it down, boundaries are really about knowing what to say "Yes" to and knowing what to say "No" to, and being very clear about where there needs to be a "Yes" and where there needs to be a "No." Of course, then you need to make sure you follow through with your boundaries. Some boundaries may be boundaries you just have with yourself, and some boundaries might be boundaries you have with other people, events, situations or scenarios. Boundaries are designed to help keep you in balance and to help keep you healthy and energized. That's the whole purpose of boundaries. If you want more balance and less stress in your life, clearly defined boundaries and implementing those boundaries will help get you there.

4) Participate in supportive communities

I can't emphasize this part enough. We aren't designed to do life by ourselves. We're social beings, yet so many people get into a certain lifestyle pattern and they don't invite other people in to help them or to support them. I want to encourage you to look at your support system and to really evaluate it. This is a great time to take a good look and really inventory your life. If your support system that's lacking, then it's a great time to start beefing that up, because you're going to find that your support communities will really help you to not only achieve your goals, but they'll also help you with things like boundaries. They'll help you with things like creating a powerful vision. They'll remind you and help hold you accountable, and they'll help you to see your blind spots, those areas that you might not otherwise be aware of.

5) Feed your mind, body, heart and soul

Feed your mind with good thoughts, positive thoughts and with images of success and happiness. Feed your body and take good care of it. Feed your body good food, regular exercise and rest. Make sure your body gets the maintenance that it needs. And your heart, how do you feed your heart? Let me ask you this: What is it that really gets you passionate? What is it that really lights you up more than anything else? Whatever that is, that's your heart energy. Make sure you're feeding yourself with that heart energy, that passion that may be totally unique to you, but yet it's passion for you. And then your soul, what is your spiritual path? What feeds you spiritually? For some people it might be something as traditional as going to a church service. For other people it might be practicing yoga. For others it might be dancing or singing or writing. And for even others, it's going out in nature or watching a sunset. Whatever it is for you, make sure you feed that part of you. Make sure you feed all these parts of you.

6) Keep what is most important most important

There's an old saying that goes like this: The most important thing about the most important thing is to keep the most important thing the most important thing. I know that may sound like a bunch of doubletalk, but it isn't. What this is referring to is what it is that you truly value. This is what defines your boundaries and reinforces your vision and your goals. If there is something you truly value but you don't protect, it's then easy to lose track of your values and get led astray. Know what it is that's most important. Know what it is that you truly value, and then keep and maintain that. Make sure that most important thing is kept the most important thing for you.

7) Consciously breathe, smile and laugh

Breathing is something that we take for granted. We have become a culture of shallow breathers. I discovered this for myself as result of practicing yoga. One of the primary emphases of yoga is on breathing. I personally realized how unconscious I had become about my breathing. But by practicing yoga I began to really tune into my breathing and how big of a difference, a profound difference, it's made in my life to be a conscious breather. I encourage you to do the same, whether you take up yoga or not. And then there's smiling. When you smile, you automatically release endorphins, which are the "feel good" neuro-hormones. Smiling will always make you feel good. And laughter, I believe, probably speaks for itself. Laughter is such a wonderful medicine. Laughter is actually probably one of the best natural medicines we can ever engage in.

There you have it: The Seven Simple Steps to Stress-Less Success! NOW, go do it...live it..and love it!

I provide mental health counseling, marriage counseling and relationship counseling to help professionals and their families eliminate stress, maximize success and create extraordinary relationships at home, at work and in the community. As a mental health counselor, marriage counselor and relationship counselor my number one goal is to help people as painlessly a possible complete the therapeutic process. I've been offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. My programs are focused on empowering people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships. You'll always find FREE Life and Relationship Success Special Reports at http://kendonaldson.com/. I'm also the author of Marry YourSelf First! Say "I DO" to a Life of Passion, Power, Purpose and Prosperity.