The Health Benefits of Sex

Lose weight. Reduce stress. Lower your cholesterol level. Improve your circulation. Live longer. Stay younger. Sounds like an ad for a new wonder drug right? In fact it's a partial list of the benefits of humanity's oldest and most pleasurable pastime - sex.

Most of us are aware of the feel-good benefits of sex while we're engaged in it, but do you also know that there are benefits which carry on after the sweaty bodies have dried and the sweet talk has reverted to sports? For instance:

Maintaining Ideal Body Weight

There are 3500 calories in a pound of fat. For every 3500 calories you burn (that you do not replace with food!) you will lose one pound of fat. Sexual intercourse burns approximately 150 calories per half hour. Here's how that stacks up against some other activities that may be part of your fitness regime: yoga 114 calories per half hour, dancing - rock 129, walking - 3mph 153, weight training 153, canoeing - 2mph 153, volleyball 174.

According to one survey reported by the Ottawa Citizen, Canadians on average have sex 7.33 times per month, lasting approximately 24.4 minutes. That means that "Joe Canada" is burning off more than 10 thousand calories a year, or about 3 pounds, in a not particularly active sex life. Those who are more sexually active, into Tantra for instance where lovemaking lasts 4 hours, would burn up 600 calories a session. At once a week that's 31,200 calories or 9 pounds per year. Considering that people put weight on gradually, slowly gaining 5-10 pounds per year until they are overweight, it's not unrealistic to assume that regular sexual activity is one way to help maintain a healthy body weight.

Increased Blood Flow

Sex helps increase the blood flow to your brain and to all other organs of your body. Increased heart rate and deep breathing accounts for the improvement in circulation. As fresh blood supply arrives, your cells, organs and muscles are saturated with fresh oxygen and hormones, and as the used blood is removed, you also remove waste products that cause fatigue and even illness.

Lower Cholesterol

Lowering your cholesterol is another of the "sex as exercise" benefits. Sex helps lower the overall cholesterol level. Perhaps more importantly it tips the HDL/LDL (good/bad) cholesterol balance towards the healthier HDL side.

Stress Reduction, Relaxation and Improved Sleep

People having frequent sex often report that they handle stress better, so the normal stresses of living do not become distress. The profound relaxation that typically follows lovemaking, with orgasm for women and ejaculation and/or orgasm for men, may be one of the few times people actually allow themselves to completely let go, surrender and relax. Many indicate that they sleep more deeply and restfully after satisfying lovemaking. In the relaxing afterglow you may be able to let go of distracting thoughts. Being able to stop thinking has helped many to overcome insomnia.

Sex as Pain Reliever

Through the touch magic of sex the hormone oxytocin is secreted in your body which in turn causes the release of endorphins. Because of these natural opiates sex acts as a powerful analgesic, elevating the pain threshold and helping to relieve the aches of conditions like arthritis, whiplash and headaches. Now there's a novel approach, sex as a remedy for headache rather than an excuse for abstaining!

With arousal and orgasm oxytocin levels rise. They spike 3 to 5 times higher than usual just before orgasm. In fact it is oxytocin that triggers the orgasm. Measurements performed at the Masters and Johnson laboratories have shown that the uterine contractions brought about by orgasm (triggered by oxytocin) are just as powerful as those of child labor. Women can use this extraordinary orgasmic contraction and relaxation of the uterine muscle to relieve cramps during PMS and menstruation.

Live Longer, Stay Younger

A British study of 1,000 men found those who had at least two orgasms a week had half the death rate of their countrymen who indulge less than once a month.

The hormone DHEA promotes sexual excitement and increases in response to it. Dr Theresa Crenshaw author of The Alchemy of Love and Lust says DHEA may be the most powerful chemical in our personal world. It helps balance the immune system, improves cognition, promotes bone growth, and maintains and repairs tissues, keeping your skin healthy and supple. It may also contribute to cardiovascular health and even function as antidepressant.

Prostate and Genital Health

Some doctors believe that more than 75% of men over 50 have a somewhat enlarged prostate, and that virtually all men will suffer from prostate enlargement if they live long enough. This condition, called benign prostate hypertrophy (BPH), is normal and usually not dangerous. Unfortunately, some of these men develop prostate cancer, one of the leading causes of death in older men. Regular sexual intercourse with frequent ejaculations will help to keep the prostate healthy.

For those men who practice delaying ejaculation, for example in the practice of Tantra Sacred Sex, performing Kegel exercises (in which you contract the muscles around your genitals), will tone these muscles, just as exercising other muscles tones other areas of your body. More importantly, these exercises will help keep the prostate healthy, by moving the sexual energy up out of the prostate and circulating it throughout your body. The technique is very simple and you can perform hundreds of contractions per day for top sexual/physical fitness for both men and women. Imagine you are urinating, but want to stop the flow of urine, that's all there is to it.

Contracting your muscles in this way is one of the healthiest exercises you could add to your exercise regime. When 178 Belgian men with minor erection problems participated in a 4-month daily rehabilitation program which primarily focused on Kegel exercises, 74 percent showed improvement and 43 percent were cured. For women, Kegels strengthen the entire urogenital tract, aiding greatly in childbirth and preventing the onset of incontinence in later life. They also sensitize the genital tissues, helping women to become orgasmic and/or increase the intensity of their orgasms

Boost Testosterone and Estrogen

Regular sexual activity boosts testosterone and estrogen levels in both men and women. Besides boosting your libido testosterone fortifies bones and muscles. Some physicians suggest that testosterone keeps hearts healthy and good cholesterol high. Testosterone is what makes the sex drive in men and women more aggressive. It makes you want to have sex, pursue sex, initiate sex and perhaps dominate the lovemaking. Testosterone seems to motivate both men and women to strongly desire specific genital sex and release by orgasm. Because men have so much testosterone, they seem obsessed with genitals, intercourse and ejaculation, but appear to care less for romance and foreplay-touching, hugging, cuddling, eye gazing, etc.

Sex increases women's estrogen levels keeping vaginal tissues more supple and also protecting against heart disease. It is estrogen that makes a woman sexually receptive and responsive to a man's approach. It is estrogen that makes her want to be touched and feel romantic, it is testosterone that makes her want to be penetrated. Estrogen makes a woman soft-breasts develop in response to estrogen. Estrogen is a powerful influence on how a woman smells. It influences the degree to which she projects softness, openness, and interest in sexual touching.

Men's bodies also produce estrogen. In fact testosterone can be converted into estrogen in the man's body. Some estrogen helps a man to develop the softer, more nurturing feminine sides of their personalities. As men age, the testosterone/estrogen balance begins to shift, with testosterone decreasing and estrogen increasing, and this is one reason why so many men seem to mellow out as they get older.

The Healing Power of Intimacy

Sex is good for you, but sex with love is even better. According to Dr. Dean Ornish author of 'Love and Survival: the Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy', "an open heart can lead to the most joyful and ecstatic sex". His researches into intimacy and its effects on health have shown that "anything that promotes feelings of love and intimacy is healing". If you have someone who really cares for you and for whom you care in return, someone you are intimately connected with in all ways - emotional, physical and more -- then you may be three to five times less likely at risk of premature death and disease from all causes.

Part of this has to do with the positive effects of touch, what Dr. Crenshaw refers to as Vitamin T. The chemical composition of your body is changed by touch. Caressing, hugging, stroking, cuddling send a chain reaction of chemicals to signal your brain that this is pleasurable, nurturing, good.

There is strong scientific evidence demonstrating the importance of touch to good health. In the 1930s, Dr. Rene Spitz, attending physician at a number of nurseries, noticed that the illness and mortality rates were quite a bit higher in some of the nurseries. His observations and experiments led to the finding that the children who were becoming ill and dying had nothing to do with hygiene or nutrition, but rather had to do with the amount of touching the infants received from the attending staff. He confirmed his findings by hiring "grandmothers" to come into the nurseries to hold, fondle, and cuddle the children. The illness and mortality rates declined rapidly.

Researchers at Miami's Touch Research Institute (TRI) found that premature infants who received three massages a day over 10 days gained 47 percent more weight than preemies who weren't massaged. David Sebringsil, who writes regularly for The Society For Human Sexuality (one of the best online sources of excellent, sex-positive information), recommends Erotic Massage become a part of or alternative to regular lovemaking. It is one of the best ways to help someone achieve extended, multiple, or "whole body" orgasmic states. Through erotic massage partners learn to give and receive loving touch and extraordinary pleasure. It makes you healthier and happier.

Healthy blood, healthy bones, healthy heart, healthy body and a peaceful mind - all thanks to the healing powers of sex. Next time you're in the mood let her know you've got the doctor on your side!

Al Link and Pala Copeland own and operate 4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra. They regularly host Tantra Sacred Loving weekends near Ottawa Canada, and weeklong retreats in exotic locations around the planet. For more information call toll free from Canada or USA: 1-800-684-5308 International long distance: 1-819-689-5308. Visit their website http://www.tantra-sex.com/ or send email: 4freedoms@tantraloving.com Their book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, is published by New Page Books, 2003.

Building Relationships That Last - How to Attract Positive Relationships

As I have discussed, life can be like a puzzle, with the four corner pieces in place, the rest is easier to put together. This is a deeper look into the fourth corner, your relationship health. The first corner being your physical health, second is mental health and third is spiritual health.

We are designed to build relationships. Family can be used as an example of a relationship. Although, family is a relative term, it can be used to describe numerous kinds of relationships in your life.

There could be people you care about, and who you are in relationship with, that are not blood relatives. However, because of time spent together building and growing, you are a "family" of sorts. You may also have blood-relatives who have not spent time in your life and although you are related, they may not feel like family.

Family comes from a close nurturing relationship. There is a family you come from, and families you build. Many are lucky enough to have other groups that are considered "family" to nurture them. These kinds of non-traditional relationships are very valuable, but often overlooked.

Research has shown that people who engage in regular social interaction or who have close friendships live longer and are happier. What a surprise! That is what we were designed for. The result of nurturing friendships and family will result in fulfillment and satisfaction.

It is important to be open and sensitive to the needs of others. When feeling low or discouraged, you need only to look outside yourself and find someone else to lift up. Give, Give, Give! Your money, your talent, your time, your encouragement and your love. Whatever you give away in good will, you will receive more in return.

Do more than people ask of you. Look for ways you can be helpful and don't wait to be asked. Practice asking people about their life, their ideas and their family and listen, listen, listen. Make eye contact and put to memory what people tell you.

Focus only on the event you have at hand and decrease multitasking. Be aware of being too wired to technology. Sometimes it is valuable to turn off the cell phone or computer and engage fully in the task at hand.

Give your time to the things you believe in. Even when the tasks seem mundane, give your full attention to it. Consider that you will reap what you sow, when it comes to your attitude about this.

We are often unable to fix our own problems. But we can be used to help others fix theirs. In this way you fulfill the relationship circle. If you could always fix your own problems you would not need to lean on or build relationships with other people. Zig Zigler said, "You can have anything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want."

This kind of thinking will help you develop depth of character. By doing so, your future will become more prosperous and fulfilling. During this process, be cautious not to dwell on the past or anticipate the future at the expense of the present.

You need to value the journey and see the rewards that come from building a strong foundation. Much of your direction is determined from your attitude. A good attitude is a product of good thinking. "Where the mind goes, the man follows."

Watch what you are thinking. Don't just think any thought that falls into your head. Use discipline to keep your mind positive and pure. Whether conscious or not, what you have on your mind will manifest itself in your words and actions.

Just as they say "garbage in, garbage out" it is also "goodness in, and goodness out". So what does this mean in regards to building your foundation of wellness? It means everything. Your attitude will affect the opportunities that will shape your future. Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right!"

Building a strong network of relationships is just one piece of the puzzle. Embrace each piece in your journey with enthusiasm and an outlook of optimism. Believe that when the four corner pieces are firmly in place, you will have created a healthy frame for a lifetime of wellness.

"Wellness Matters" Article Series by Lisa Schilling RN, CPT
Speaker, Writer, Wellness Coach & Consultant

Lisa Schilling is the author of "The Get REAL Guide to Health and Fitness-FIVE STEPS to Create Your Own Personal Wellness Plan" She is juggles life as a doting wife and the mother of three boys, who keep her feet firmly planted on the ground!

Lisa is a Registered Nurse, author and recovering pageant queen, who spreads hope with her Get REAL approach to wellness. She empowers women, caregivers and groups to unleash their fullest potential by helping them to see their true beauty and discover their REAL value.

She feels passionate about spreading this message of hope and acceptance to help others be PROactive about their health and not simply REactive. Lisa uses her enthusiasm to inspire people to value and appreciate who they are. She helps people build a bridge from where they are, to where they want to be.

As an outspoken advocate for wellness and prevention, her motto is: "See one, do one, teach one!" Visit Lisa's website http://www.getrealwellnesssolutions.com to claim your FREE Bonus Gifts!

Sex in Long-Term Relationships

Sex in a committed relationship can be affected by the partners' ages, experience, culture and religious or moral beliefs, among other factors. It is your and your partner's responsibility to preserve the enthusiasm and ardor of the sex you once enjoyed. This takes imagination, creativity, and romance. Some effort is required in order to obtain and maintain a good sex life.

Honesty is critical in building a relationship, with or without sex. And as you might guess, the sexual relationship requires honesty to develop true intimacy. Sharing your fears and insecurities with your partner, as well as your likes and dislikes in the bedroom, can lead to deep and fulfilling intimacy for a lifetime. Sexual intimacy helps keep the relationship alive and it's a way of fully and completely expressing your love for each other.

Honest, open communication between partners takes time and practice. Eventually, you will both become accustomed to sharing your true feelings, which will lead to a fuller, more satisfying experience for both of you. More important than your body being ready, your brain must be "in the mood." Worrying about life outside of the bedroom, along with alcohol or drug use is among the most detrimental factors to a good sex life. Life's daily grind, including work, children, and/or money issues, tests a couple's ability to keep the spark that originally brought them together. Any of the following tips (or all of them) can help rekindle the flame in a relationship.

10 Tips for a Better Sex Life

1. Create anticipation-don't just go through the motions.

2. Employ mutual massage-with or without intercourse.

3. Stimulate all the senses-music, candles, perfume, and erotic foods.

4. Lower your voice and whisper.

5. Masturbate-alone or with your partner.

6. Buy (and use) adult toys.

7. Do some reading-books range from instructional to erotica; read to each other.

8. Discuss (and enact) fantasies.

9. Maintain personal hygiene.

10. Loosen up.

A 2007 UK study proved that sex influences happiness more strongly than money. After having sex, endorphins are released leading to increased pleasurable feelings and decreased stress. In addition, happy people are often more sexually active. Thus, a chicken vs. egg scenario develops, to the benefit of all involved. In fact, other similar situations exist related to sex. Stress and fatigue are just two examples. Both may be the result of too little sex and may be alleviated by a good sex life. General conclusions indicate that couples with a satisfying sex life are healthier than those without it.

But if you need more reasons for a good, regular sex life, here are the top health benefits of what sex can do for you:

Top Health Benefits Thanks to Sex

1. Improved heart rate, breathing and circulation

2. Fewer allergies, colds, and depression

3. Reduced stress

4. Chance at a longer life

5. Improved complexion

6. You burn more calories

7. You build more muscles

8. You relieve pain

9. You obtain better oral health

10. Enhanced sleep quality

A healthy and healthful sex life requires time and attention. In today's busy world we are often too tired or apathetic to actively maintain our relationships. Something's gotta give. Sex is often the easiest place to start. But first, remember: love may be ongoing, but passion needs periodic refreshing. Comfortable is not necessarily sexy. Couples should work on spending more romantic time together and scheduling time for sex into their busy lives; it doesn't always have to be spontaneous.

Introduce "date night"; don't wait for bedtime or the weekend; get away for a getaway or plan a couple-only staycation; take advantage of sleepovers and other in-home (theirs) babysitting offers; call in sick to work together or schedule a joint day off. Make a healthy and active sex life a priority and drop less significant things. You'll both be happier and healthier as a result.

Nancy Travers, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, specializes in all types of relationships; dating, existing relationships, family relationships, and relationships with friends and business relationships. She also helps her clients overcome anxiety and depression through talk therapy as well as through hypnosis. What sets her apart from many other counselors is that she has counseled in the gay/lesbian community for over 10 years. She also has experience counseling families with elder care issues. Nancy has been in practice for over 15 years and can provide you with the tools you need to approach dating and relationships with confidence. Visit her website at http://www.nancyscounselingcorner.com.

Lose Weight Really Fast And Enjoy A Blissful Relationship

When it comes to excess body weight and obesity matters, I've observed these issues can be emotional, sensitive, psychological and personal experiences which would require collective care, assistance and affection from all parties towards sufferers.

Even though causes of weight and fitness challenges might be due to ignorance, unhealthy eating habits, poor lifestyle choices or hereditary genes, these victims will however, always deserve some practical support from the society.

I've been coaching and educating people from various cultural backgrounds (African, Asian and European) who were hit by weight challenges for a few years. And I've witnessed a catalogue of damaging and consequential effects these people have been subjected to, in respect of poor health, careers' loss and particularly, relationships failures.

Nevertheless, I always encourage those overweight to get seriously committed to lose the unwanted weight. At that stage, the most important thing is to change your mindset, and stop blaming your genes, economic circumstance, background or culture. When you change your thinking then every situation or experience is subject to change.

When you quantify the damaging effects of overweight and obesity you might perhaps realise it's more expensive staying in that "red alert zone" with its associated diseases and traumas than the costs of getting into a healthy shape, enhancing career, self-esteem, social status, joy and relationships. That's where I find it gratifying to educate, coach and empower the overweight to wage war over excess weight until they've won.

Let's look at some health, emotional, psychological, physical, economic and relationship traumas associated with excess body weight.

Overweight can potentially degenerate into preventable diseases like cancer, diabetes, hypertension, arthritis, breathing problem, heart disease, stress, depression, insomnia and premature aging. These conditions could make you become vulnerable to victimization by peers/society and damage desirability for relationships.
If you are not thin and sexy, society can view you (overweight) to make you feel unattractive, undesirable, low self-esteem and low social social status. Such experiences could cause psychological and social ramifications to affect romantic partnership and relationship status
When you are overweight, you could be stigmatized and discriminated against as heavy, sluggish, lazy and as having less will-power. This could make social dating less frequent, reduce cohabiting and not do well for commitment; and that could make you feel suicidal.
Again, in the offices overweight people are not put at the front offices or reception. They are mostly posted at the back offices and warehouses.
Overweight people tend to get less invitations to social outings and meetings
On the physical side of things, being overweight you suffer from immobility. Climbing up and down stairs or walking about could be a challenging task associated with breathlessness.
Economically, overweight conditions could cause colossal financial loss to individuals, families, employers and nations. When you are overweight you tend to battle with your health. When you are sick, you might not be able to pursue your career and develop your potential to the fullest. And that could damage your career progression. Absenteeism and sickness mean loss of personal earnings and less productivity to employers and less government revenue. You might also end up spending more money on medical treatment. It might also incur displeasure and put extra burden on your family when have to take time off work and nurse you at home.
In certain parts of the society, overweight people are viewed as less healthy with shorter life span and thus not considered for marriages or long-term relationship. They orchestrate their fear to raise children or plan a future with the overweight by suspecting fat people might not live longer. People also perceive they might end up spending more time driving their "over weight" relations to the hospital than booking for vacations, and fear they might not to enjoy a romantic and blissful relationship; how sad!
When you are overweight it could trigger into low sexual drive. Body pain, insomnia, lethargy, breathing problems and emotional traumas could ruin sexual appetite. Men suffering from diabetes, hypertension and breathing problems ( and even side effects of medication treating these conditions) could cause impotency.

Let me share a story I witnessed about 3 years ago.

I went on a follow-up visit to a married woman on a weight loss program. Admittedly, she was not shifting the excess weight as seriously as per the program. Then the husband unexpectedly brought out some of their wedding and romantic pictures and addressing me, saying - " Godfrey, look at the pictures of a woman I dearly married a few years ago as in contrast to her physical looks and unattractive size today! " You could see the disappointment, distaste, frustration and hurt over the husband's face, how sad! What can we all learn from this emotional testimonial?

The good news is there is always a package of solutions to your weight and fitness challenges. You stand to gain all round and enjoy a healthy lifestyle if you will take practical steps to lose excess weight. When you shed off the unhealthy body fat you feel and look trendy and sexy. You rejuvenate your youthfulness. You sleep better. You smile bigger. When you smile bigger, you enjoy the perceived value of a warm and lively personality. You then attract great people into your life and enjoy blissful relationships. So take serious action today and lose really fast.

I'm Godfrey Jeffrey Agyare, resident of London, United Kingdom. My background is a Philanthropist, Health & Fitness Coach. My interests are personal & lifestyle development and travelling.

This is to support those dissatisfied with their weight, serious to wage war against overweight, to reduce the incidence of preventable diseases (like: cancer, diabetes, hypertension, breathing problems, body pains). When you lose weight and get into a new healthy shape, you regain energy and youthfulness. You become trendy, lively and warm personality. Your new looks will enhance your self-esteem, attractiveness and blossom your relationships.

For more valuable information, submit your first name and primary email address for a FREE Ebook at http://www.target-weightloss.com.

Questions to Ask Before Starting a Relationship With Someone

You really want to know a person well before you start having a relationship with them. Gone are the days when men could just sit around and expect their wives and partners to run after them. A good healthy relationship needs to have some basic qualities about it, before you go jumping in the deep end. It does not matter if you are male or female, you need to check out the person you are considering being in a relationship with. Some of the basic skills you should look out for are:

Can you both relate on an emotional level well?
Are you both suited for each other on an intimate level?
Do you both know how to cook, you would be surprised how many people can't?
Do you both pamper each other, do little things to keep your relationship alive and well?
Can you have your own space, if needed or do they cling to you a lot?
Are you both supportive of each others hobbies and activities?

That is just a short list of things that go to making a god relationship. If you are both in sync with each other and not co-dependent, then you have a good chance of making it last. Finding your true love or soul mate is not as difficult as you may think. Wanting to court each other until you're dying days is not unheard of. Take a look around you and find a couple who have been together for many years, they are usually very stable with each others values and living arrangements. So get out there and ask those all important questions, find your partner who is suited to your life's values, it is not impossible to do.

Finding your true love online can be a daunting task, but with the right skills it can be much easier to achieve this.
http://heavenly-partners.com/love-Your-True-Love.php

Relationships - Physical Compatibility

How important is physical compatibility in relationships? Well, it depends on the couple. For some people their physicality is of utmost importance to them. When it is, they often want their partner to engage in many of their activities with them. For some couples the physical nature of their relationship is not important to either of them. And for some couples, if one rates the physical aspect high and the other one doesn't, happy satisfied couples have found ways to satisfy that physical element outside of their relationship.

I have done research with couples who self-identify as happy and satisfied after being together at least ten years. One area I ask about is their satisfaction in the physical area. This can encompass many things. It can mean sexual compatibility. It can mean being satisfied with each other's overall health and level of activity. It can translate into satisfaction with romance or public displays of affection or lack thereof. It could mean satisfaction with one's partner's physical appearance.

The one aspect of physical compatibility that seems to be most important is sexual compatibility. The vast majority of the couples I interviewed reported not having other intimate relationships outside of their committed one. They also reported a healthy sex life, well into their later years.

As author, Kevin Lehman writes in his book Sheet Music, sex in a marriage is very important and necessary to a man. He believes a woman who denies her man enthusiastic involvement in the sexual act is like a man who refuses to talk to his partner. As a general rule, women need communication and men need physical connection. That is not to say women don't enjoy sex and men don't like to communicate. It's just the general trend among the genders.

I also interviewed couples who both reported sex was no longer a part of their relationship and they were both at peace with that fact. I even interviewed one couple who were married as heterosexuals. He underwent a sex change operation and is now a woman. They have remained a lesbian couple and the wife also satisfies her sexual desires with a man and her partner fully sanctions that activity.

Other aspects of the sexual area to consider are frequency, duration and creativity. All of these are things that couples should discuss and come to agreement about. If one person wants to explore all manner of sexual activity with his or her partner and the other partner is interested only in the missionary position, then that relationship may be in for some rocky roads.

Romance, foreplay and public displays of affection are also areas where it is helpful to find agreement with your partner.

Compatibility in the sexual area is critical to relationship success but the level of activity is defined by the couples themselves.

Sometimes couples highly value the external appearance of their partner. They want the partner whose look is pleasing to him or her. I interviewed a couple who are both 88 years old, married 56 years. When they were married, the husband loved the way his wife looked. Her beauty was very important to him and he referred to her as his "pin up girl." Do you know now, 56 years later, he still refers to her as his "pin up girl"? That is a man who was able to adjust and expand his physical expectations to match the maturation of their relationship. Contrast that with a person who gets together with his or her partner based strictly on external beauty. Once that beauty begins to fade, as it inevitably will, he or she will be looking for the next partner to replace the aging one. For some couples, the outer beauty of a person is not important for either of them. And for still other couples, external beauty is of the utmost importance and they are very conscious of their weight, nutrition and may have cosmetic surgery to assist in maintaining their beauty.

A final area to look at is health and fitness. What I found in my research is that for many people who value this aspect of life, they were attracted to partners who did also. This makes the relationship smooth in this area. They often engage in common activities of fitness. They may like to hike, bike, swim, lift weights, and go to the gym together. They may even engage in their activities with other people and that is fine as long as they are maintaining their overall health and fitness. They also generally agree on their nutritional choices.

If this is an area that is not important to either couple, then there is no issue here and they are compatible in their indifference to health and fitness. What challenges and potentially strains a relationship is when one person values this and the other doesn't. I saw this more with older couples where one partner was perhaps more overweight and in poorer health. One person becomes worried about their partner's health and mortality.

The bottom line is that different things work for different couples. While some highly value aspects of this physical area and want their partners to value it too, some couples are able to enjoy the aspects of their physical life that are important to them while allowing their partner to do what's important to him or her. And there are yet other couples who do not value this area at all. The couples who reported being happy and satisfied with their relationship did not have conflict in this area. Either they were compatible in this area or they simply allowed each other to fully express themselves in this area as they saw fit.

To learn more about relationships check out my Relationships from the Inside Out products.

Kim Olver is a life, relationship and executive coach. Her mission is to help people get along better with the important people in their lives. She teaches people how to live from the inside out by empowering them to focus on the things they can change. She in an internationally recognized speaker, having worked in Australia and the continent of Africa, as well as all over the United States. She is the creator of the new, revolutionary process called, Inside Out Empowerment based on Glasser's ideas. She has consulted with the NBA and other major league player development specialists.

She is the author of Leveraging Diversity at Work and the forthcoming book, Relationship Empowerment. She co-authored a book with Ken Blanchard, Les Brown, Mark Victor Hansen and Byron Katie, entitled 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. She works with individuals, couples, parents, social service agencies, schools, corporations and the military--anyone who will benefit from gaining more effective control over their lives. She has consulted on relationships, parenting, self-development, training, leadership development, diversity, treatment programs and management styles.

To Save My Relationship - A Universal Reality And My Health

What Is The Most Meaningful And Vital Thing In Life?

When I really think about it, there can only be one answer: my friends, my family, in a word, relationship. Babies die when they are not touched. Depression badgers the elderly who rarely get human contact. The essence of life itself exists in the matrix of relationship. This is pretty heavy stuff. It would seem that my health is connected to relationship, indeed, to save my relationship is to save my life.

Why Are Relationships So Crucial For Life?

Although this may be a hard question to answer specifically, the broad answer has to be that it is because the universe is a relational realm. If I and the entire world around me underscore the importance of relationship-from the give and take of human love to the cycles of the planets to the ebb and flow of the waves on the beach-then the question begs: am I and all I see an anomaly? And the logical answer has to be no.

It would seem that I live in a relational universe. My origin is more personal than primeval ooze. And the universal power is closer than a distant, formless life force that I can never know.

What Does This Mean For Me?

It means to be healthy in life-to mirror the workings of ultimate reality-I need to attach more importance than I often do to my relationships. My relationships are my life, whether they are my relationship with the world around me, my relationship with my brother, or my relationship with the god of the cosmos. To save my relationship is to save my health and my life.

How Do I Do This?

If the universe is relational and those bonds are the stuff of life, then to live I must pay attention. So the best way to improve my relationship is first to be mindful of it. Just like with exercise and eating better, this focus alone will help me to move in the right direction. I will slowly become less self-centered and learn to reach out just by making it a priority in my thinking.

As I save my relationship by giving it more value, I will be happier and have better health. One by one, as I breathe life into each relationship, my joy and health will compounded like interest in a bank account and my life will take a turn for the better as I come into sync with the universe.

Healing therapies have been the author's long-time passion. Sickness is not our legacy. The most powerful healing is simple and affordable. Brent lives near Portland, Oregon and is a massage therapist that enjoys writing and outdoor sports.